Of Love and Valor

49: Much to Ask

"It's been a long time since we've been assigned a duty like this together," Jorabij remarks to me as we ascend the narrow, spiraling stairs of the Watchtower of the Archer. We have both been assigned here for the late afternoon watch, our last duty of the day.

"I suppose. There have been many changes lately," I reply mildly. "If you would prefer another—"

"Of course not. I consider it an honor to serve with the Yrivvior's newest military strategist."

"Leave off that, please."

"For what reason? I never knew the truth to offend you."

"It is not that the truth offends me. Only that I would prefer to be just a person, not a title, with my friends. I do not presume myself better than any of you. Can we not simply be ourselves?"

Jorabij laughs. "It is absolutely incredible how much you don't fit in with the prevailing culture here."

"So everyone keeps telling me."

"I don't suppose you're intending to become one of the new Kedar-Jashun firohni, just to escape this madness?"

"I fit in no better in Kedar-Jashun than I do here, and even if I were inclined to pursue that path, I do not think I would be permitted to leave, and I do not think Zelphinon would agree to it. He is loath to go back."

"Naturally. They were pretty terrible to him, from what I understand, and in his shoes, I'd be pretty leery of them even after being accepted back into the tribe."

"That's it exactly."

"Cezarya...does not share his aversion to Kedar-Jashun."

"I know. I have wondered, since the idea first came up, if she would be interested in returning to her homeland as a firohna."

"She is.... And she wants me to go with her."

Truth be told, I had expected something like this, but I have no idea what I would do in his position. "What are your thoughts on it?"

His expression reveals a plethora of emotions warring for supremacy. "I do not like the culture there, at least in the tribe they came from. She insists that she doesn't, either, but that she'll have the most influence for change in her own tribe, and that I could help change things for the better, too, if I'm willing to exercise a little more tact and self-restraint."

"Is that too much to ask, do you think?"

"To be with her?" He shakes his head, seeming unwilling to believe I could ask such a thing. "No. I would endure worse for that privilege. And I do not think it would be all bad. I'd be further from my family, for one thing, maybe far enough that they couldn't pester me with letters anymore and they'd be forced to consider one of my sisters to take over the family business."

"That would be good. What of being a firohn? Does that appeal to you?"

"I never gave it much thought, before. I don't think I can ever be as good at it as Firohn Tanarin."

"You won't be to start. But who's to say where years of experience might take you? Maybe Firohn Tanarin would be willing to mentor you, if you asked him."

"From Andelxiao?"

"I meant more that perhaps, if you and Cezarya accept the offered positions, you might be able to train with him before you go to Kedar-Jashun, as an apprenticeship of sorts, and perhaps communicate by letter after."

"Certainly something to consider." He pauses, scanning the horizon; something else is clearly weighing on his mind. "I'm not certain we'll have time for such training."

"How do you mean?"

"To serve together, as firohni in one tribe, we will have to be married."

Of course. I'm ashamed that the thought hadn't occurred to me before. "Is that not something you want?"

A strangled noise of frustration escapes from somewhere in Jorabij's chest. "Of course that's something I want. There is no one else for me. But I had not thought to do it so soon, to rush the planning.... I'm sure my family would want a big to-do, with the whole clan present...."

"But what do you want?"

"It's more a question of what she and I want."

"Which is...?"

"The more we talk about it, the more appealing something small and simple, with just a couple witnesses, sounds. She doesn't want her mother there. I don't want my family there. I think we'd both be perfectly happy with just our squadron pleasant, and maybe a few others from Andelxiao."

"That would seem very doable, depending on the Yrivvior's intended timing."

"Would you happen to have any hints regarding that handy?"

"If I did, I would be giving them to you now. I have not spoken with the Yrivvior since the wheels of this plan to help Kedar-Jashun were set in motion. I don't know what further details might have been decided since then."

"Fair enough. It was worth a try to ask." He sighs and shakes his head. "It's all just so much to think about. We didn't graduate that long ago, and now...."

"A lot has changed, really quickly."

"For all of us. When do you think you and Zelphinon will get married?"

I shrug, feeling suddenly quite defensive. "When the time is right, I suppose. I have no family to invite, and he.... well, you know the family situation. If and when it happens, likely it will be much the same as what you have described for you and Cezarya."

"I don't know how you can say 'if' and mean it. The two of you were made for each other."

"We are only seventeen, he and I. It seems too soon to think of such things."

"I keep forgetting the two of you are younger than the rest of us. Doesn't seem right that the youngest two in the squadron should be the most accomplished warriors."

I know he's teasing, but still his words feel like an insult, and I turn away. An awkward silence sits heavily between us for a few moments.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you," Jorabij offers carefully.

"It's fine. I didn't mean to offend you, either. I'm sure Zelphinon doesn't mean to offend—"

"Zelphinon would say that all of us could have trained as much as he has with the same intensity and gotten similar results. And for all we know, he'd be right."

"We all have our gifts. Sometimes I wish I had yours and Cezarya's social graces over my skill in combat."

Jorabij chuckles. "You do all right when the stakes are high. I heard you won a negotiation with the Yrivvior."

"I had an opportunity to right an injustice. I would have been remiss if I hadn't taken advantage of it. I think it is much the same as your opportunity to become a firohn in Kedar-Jashun, actually."

"I would say that you'd make a great firohna, too, but I think you're right. Your place is here, doing negotiations and military strategy."

"Thank you. I...will miss you when you go. You're a good friend."

"It's much too early for heartfelt goodbyes. Save that for when we actually leave for Kedar-Jashun."

"If you insist."

"I do insist. No one wants to think about leaving their friends behind. I'd rather count tree branches." He gestures violently to the forest south of our watchtower.

"Well, that's certainly an option at the moment."

"Orrrrrrrr we could make up life stories for every person we see in that approaching trade caravan."

"That sounds like a better plan. You start."