Of Love and Valor

26: Dishonor

"Vhy you are doing zis? I am your mozer, and I have not deserved zis punishment!" Ansohnya Umathyar protests as Alderon binds her right wrist to my left one. I, too, am less than pleased, but have the sense to hold my tongue.

"Really? You don't know why I'm doing this?" Alderon asks rhetorically, tightening the bindings on his mother's wrist. "Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with your behavior with that Molongun fighter?"

I happen to know for a fact that this arrangement has everything to do with her behavior with one of the three Molongun fighters who is journeying to Orenxiao with us. We finally settled on three emissaries and three fighters, so that each emissary has a bodyguard. Only one of the zaikaritim is traveling as an emissary, and it's not Alderon's uncle. At least one of the fighters seems to be one of Ansohnya Umathyar's former suitors, and the first leg of our journey, he was stationed next to her cart. Zevaklin caught them in a very compromising position; I did my best not to overhear details, but it seems some key articles of clothing had been removed and exceptionally intimate touching was involved. Alderon, Cezarya, and Zelphinon were all absolutely scandalized, and Alderon and Santhrobar decided that we must all take turns keeping her out of trouble. I drew the first lot, and so I get to be literally shackled to this horrible woman for the next shift of travel.

"You all ought to mind your own business," Ansohnya Umathyar grumbles. "Vhat happens betveen adults in private—"

"You were on top of a caravan cart, out in the open for anyone who walked past to see, and he is not your husband," Alderon retorts coldly. He is not having any of her nonsense today. "If we were still back with the tribe, you could have been stoned for that. Women have been stoned for less."

"But vhy her? You have ozer fighters—"

"And we will all take turns to make sure that you behave as a lady ought, since apparently you cannot be trusted to keep yourself out of trouble. Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for your children? The zaikarit was all for having you dragged naked across a field by galloping horses. You ought to count your blessings and shut your mouth." With that, he turns on his heel and storms away, leaving me and Ansohnya Umathyar bound together in the center of the caravan, which is where we will stay until the caravan stops for our next rest. A moment later, Vensimir shouts loudly and everyone starts moving.

"He could have at least given us place to sit," Ansohnya Umathyar gripes after only a few steps. Her shoes are not made for walking, and she is not accustomed to traveling long distances on foot.

"I think he was rather keen on making sure you understood how upset he is and how inappropriate he found your behavior," I remark flatly.

"No vun asked you. Wretch. Is because of you ve not stay longer. I vanted to stay in Kedar-Jashun. It is my home." She starts to cry for about the hundredth time since we first began to pack up to depart from the Molongun tribe. I have no patience for it and have no intention of walking next to her until our next stop with her wailing like this.

"What a pleasant journey we are going to have together. Such stimulating, inspiring conversation."

"You should have died in zat duel among my people."

"Why do you say that? I think it's quite clear that the Molongun tribe's champion was woefully outmatched in that duel. Should not the best fighter win such contests?"

"Vhy you risk your life to defend him?"

I assume she means Zelphinon. She tries to avoid saying his name whenever possible. "Most mothers would be pleased to have their sons' lives protected. I apologize for offending you. I really thought I was doing the right thing."

"You knew full vell vhat I vanted zat night."

"Yes, and may the Heavens do to you as you deserve for it. I also knew what I wanted, and what my squadron wanted. You are not in charge, and this world does not revolve around your wants."

She looks as though I've slapped her and then silently fiddles with her shackle for what feels like forever as we walk. I have to practically tug her along after me to keep pace with the rest of the caravan and stay in our assigned position. My shoulder aches from the strain.

"Vhy you do not zhust kill me, if you find me so awful?" she asks me abruptly, after I've jerked her into a more appropriate pace for the fifth or sixth time.

"I prefer not to kill," I answer expressionlessly.

"You are varrior. You have killed many. Vhat makes zis different?"

"When I have killed, it has been self-defense, or defense of my home and the people I care about. But I fought to incapacitate, rather than to kill, when the Erivim attacked our caravan, and I chose not to kill that man in the duel. I do not like you any more than you seem to like me, but that is no reason for me to kill you."

"Ze murderer has an honor code. How qvaint."

"For a mother who wishes her own son dead, you have an awful lot of judgments to make about morality and honor. You wouldn't know honor if it bit the end of your nose."

"And you tell me, if somevun kill ze person you love, vhat you vould vant should happen to zem?"

"You loved the man who was forcing himself on you?"

The gathering darkness does not prevent me from seeing her face flush crimson. "Sometimes a voman's feelings about a man are complicated. I do not expect you know anyzing about zat, young as you are."

"Not in the way you are meaning it, no."

"Vhat vay you mean it? How many vays voman can feel complicated about man?"

"I had a brother. He was one of my closest friends. But then...he betrayed my clan, my whole village, and joined the Erivim. He saved my life, but he was responsible, at least in part, for the deaths of so many."

"Vhat happen to him?"

"He died in the Erivim attack on Andelxiao."

"You killed him. You see, ve are not so different—"

"No, Ansohnya. I fought him. I intended to kill him. But someone else dealt the final blow."

"Zey stole your revenge from you, zen. Vhy you let zis happen?"

"It is not for us to decide what can or cannot be forgiven. And in the moment, when I had to choose...I forgave him."

"Vhy? How? I do not understand. It is alvays eye for eye, tooth for tooth. Blood for blood. Life for life."

"In that moment, I could do nothing else."

"Zen you are veak. Ve have all been deceived, zinking you so strong, so fearsome. But you are soft."

"The tiger is soft to the touch. But no one would ever call it weak."

"Bah." She spits contemptuously at my feet, then promptly trips over her own shoes. I wrench her painfully back to her feet so as to avoid falling myself, barely managing to keep my face impassive instead of smirking.

"Ouch! Vhy you do zat?" she yelps.

"I didn't fancy a face full of dust."

"Vould have been my face in dust, not yours."

"You may have noticed we're bound together. If one of us falls, we both do. And I'm not going to let you drag me down, no matter how satisfying it would be to see you fall."

Being the spiteful, petty woman that she is, Ansohnya Umathyar spends quite a bit of time and energy trying and failing to trip me or otherwise get me to fall, and becoming increasingly frustrated by her failures. I won't give her the pleasure of a reaction, though it gets harder and harder not to laugh at her as her attempts become more and more ridiculous. That doesn't stop other members of the caravan from laughing at her, though, which only serves to heighten her frustration.

"Serves you right," one of the traders tells her as he passes by, shaking his head.

"Vhat you know about it?" she snaps. He just laughs and continues on his way.

Would that I could escape so easily.