Of Love and Valor

22: Distance

"Do you mind if I join you?" Zelphinon inquires softly behind me, making me jump. The moon is high in the sky, and I am on night watch duty. Even though none of our foes survived their attack on the caravan and the Molongun tribe, we dare not take any chances.

"I would not mind the company," I murmur. He's been strangely distant since his uncle dismissed the charges against him and welcomed him back into the tribe, through all the feast and celebration that followed. I hope he has come to offer an explanation.

"Thank you. After everything...sleep will be a long time coming."

"I understand." Indeed, that's exactly why I volunteered for the night watch, in spite of my exhaustion.

"And thank you, for what you did earlier."

"The duel? I enjoyed that. No need to thank me."

"I'm more grateful for the chance to heal your opponent. When our eyes met, after you threw the knives at him, I realized it was my chance to prove that I am not what they think I am."

"I am relieved that, thanks to you, Restrivek will live, and his blood will not be on my hands. And I am glad that...your uncle no longer holds the past against you."

Something between a smile and a grimace twists Zelphinon's lips. "I am not sure I prefer his favor to his hatred. But thank you. It will take a long time for me to forgive him, and he has shown that he is no different than he was when I left."

"You and your siblings seemed to have a nice reunion with him, when we finally got to eat."

"Better for Alderon and Cezarya than for me. But I am glad they had the opportunity. They sacrificed everything to save me, and I have felt guilty about it since we first left the tribe."

"Does your mother know, how things have turned out?"

"Yes. She is...less than pleased, I think."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not surprised. We both know why she resents me."

"Still. A mother should not be so hateful towards her children."

"She is not the only one who is not pleased. Many in the tribe are not convinced that my uncle has made the right decision. Some are saying that the duel was rigged."

"How? I had never seen Restrivek fight, had no chance to consult with you or Alderon—"

"I know. But because I sat next to you at the first attempt at the feast, and because we worked together to treat Restrivek's wounds...there are rumors. That's why I distanced myself from you afterward. There was no way to talk about it, and I'm sorry."

"I can maintain a professional distance from you while we are here, if that is what you want."

"It is not so much what I want as what I feel may be necessary, to minimize conflict and quash the rumors. Because of what we've done tonight, Santhrobar and Alderon and Vensimir are very well positioned for trade and negotiations with the tribe, which I hope will mean that things go smoothly and we are able to return to Orenxiao sooner rather than later. I don't want anything to jeopardize that."

"Your uncle's change of heart has not changed your feelings about Kedar-Jashun, then."

"Not in the slightest. Whatever anyone says, this cannot be home for me again."

"...Should I hide the valix, then, too? So that it does not cause questions?"

His expression darkens. "I hate the idea. Seeing it in your hair brings me joy. Hiding it would probably be wise, though, at least for now."

I take a thin leather strip off one of my bracers as a makeshift replacement for the valix. "Help me, then."

He catches my hand in his as I move to begin adjusting my hair. "Wait." His lips meet mine gently for a quick and searing kiss. Everything except him fades away. His arms wrap around my waist, and mine rest on his shoulders, fingers toying lightly with his hair.

As suddenly as it begins, it's over. We both know that this is unwise at best; getting caught now would ruin our reputations and the plan he's set on. This knowledge, however, does nothing to quell the unfamiliar feelings and longings swirling within me. Our eyes meet and I see a mirror of my feelings in his, and it's all I can do to keep from kissing him again. Then he looks away and moves behind me to help with my hair.

"Will you let me hold onto the valix, while we perform this pretense?" he asks while I struggle not to tremble at his touch on the back of my head.

"If you want. May I ask why?"

"I am afraid that my uncle will want to speak of betrothals, with my siblings as well as with me, and.... How would you feel about a more...public declaration, akin to how Jorabij asked Cezarya...?"

"The way you asked me before was perfect, beyond perfect. Do you really think that you would need to ask me again, publicly, for your uncle's sake?"

"I think it unlikely but not impossible, and I would rather be prepared."

"I will not stand in your way." Sparks fly as our fingers brush while we work together to secure my hair in place with the leather strip from my bracers.

"Thank you. I just...do not trust the tribe. Nothing is straightforward here. But as soon as we are back in Orenxiao, I will put this back where it belongs."

"I trust you." He embraces me quickly and then withdraws, back towards the camp. My heart aches and I'm not sure why.

"May the moon bless your slumber, Azerai," he whispers with a fleeting smile.

"May her light sweeten your dreams, Zelphinon," I answer in kind. We have not used that call and response for a long time. Life was simpler in the Academy. I only hope that some sense of simplicity comes with our return to Orenxiao. May that day come quickly. Like Zelphinon, I am uneasy here; I would rather face the Erivim and the Visserov than navigate the treacherous politics of the Molongun tribe.