Of Love and Valor

15: Step Away

Alderon and I end up taking rear guard as the trade caravan trundles out of the North Gate of Orenxiao. I didn't expect this at all; my skills are best suited to scouting ahead or to the sides, although admittedly more so when there are trees, and he's still in the process of redesigning his fighting style.

"We have the lowest chance of an ambush here, close to the city," Alderon explains when I ask him. "We will save the better-suited rear guards for later, when we need them more."

While this makes sense, I'm still not sure why he decided that he and I should work together. I'm sure he would have preferred the company of one of his siblings, or maybe Santhrobar. I don't dare broach that subject, though, not that he would tell me if I did.

"How long do you think it will take to reach our destination?"

He shakes his head. "I cannot be sure. It is a longer trip than the distance between Andelxiao and Orenxiao by at least a day. The exact time depends on breaks and any problems we may encounter on the way."

"Yes. They move at a decent pace, though, from my limited experience."

"They are experienced traders and travelers. I don't expect any travel issues from them. I am more worried about the civilian non-trader in our midst."

"Does she want to return to Kedar-Jashun?"

He seems surprised that I would ask him such a question, but to my relief, he answers me anyway. "It is...difficult for me to say. She misses it desperately, but the way it used to be, not necessarily as it is now. And she is concerned about danger. She had to outrun some Erivim on her way to Andelxiao."

I shiver. That can't have been easy. How terrified she must have been. "That was before the battle, though," I point out, trying to reassure myself.

"Yes. I don't know what the risk of encountering any of them on this journey might be. If we do, it will be a raiding group, not a massive force like that battle."

"I hope you are right." It occurs to me that we could run into a force bent on assailing Orenxiao. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.

"So do I." Alderon knows as well as I do that, skilled as we are, our squadron alone cannot hope to win against an entire army.

"Do you have strong feelings about returning to Kedar-Jashun?" I inquire, somewhat hesitantly, after several moments of no sounds except our feet on the ground and the caravan ahead. Any wildlife in these endless grasslands are hiding from the noisy travelers.

"Not in the way that Zelphinon does." He glances at me sideways, then sighs heavily. "And I do not miss it as Cezarya does. We were eleven, she and I, when our father died, and from that point on... I had to be the head of the household. The tribe was kind enough to me, I suppose, but it was still...quite a lot to take on, and some were less understanding and supportive than others. There is nothing for me in Kedar-Jashun, not anymore. But I do not mind this journey."

"It is an honor to be trusted with such a responsibility as this journey so early in our careers."

"Yes. I am humbled by it. We would not have had this opportunity if my family was not from Kedar-Jashun and if we were not previously successful in a fight against the Erivim. Thank you, for that."

"Please don't."

He smiles slightly. "You will have to get used to accepting praise for your achievements sometime. If this venture goes well, perhaps more honors will come our way."

"As a squadron leader, you will receive much of the credit for whatever good we accomplish."

"While I certainly hope so, I would not take credit away from those most deserving of it."

"I didn't think you would care at all for taking the credit."

"I don't, for me personally. But some others are very concerned with status and the like..."

I cannot believe that he would admit so much to me, but I'm not about to let this opportunity slide. "You have not given up, then."

He looks somewhat startled. Did you really think that, given such an inviting hint, I would not pursue this line of conversation? But perhaps I should not have been so bold.

"I'm sorry. I should not have said that," I apologize. "If you don't want to talk about it with me—"

"I...don't mind, exactly. You are a step away from a sister now. We may as well speak on familiar terms. Just...promise you will say nothing of this to Thariyae."

A step away from a sister?! My face is suddenly hotter than the sun. "You have my word," I choke out while he chuckles a bit at my expense.

"I am certain you know my mother and siblings would like nothing more than for me to forget her, and find someone else. But...that is easier said than done."

"I know it well."

"Not like this?" He suddenly has the same look Cezarya did, when she indicated that my relationship with Zelphinon might be moving too quickly.

"No, of course not. I just...Keravik and I were close, once. Blood runs deep. Cutting him out was...painful. And then the battle..."

"Of course. I apologize. I should not have jumped to conclusions. You have...more than proven your fidelity." He seems as uncomfortable as I feel. "So...there is a woman in another squadron. She is lovely in every conceivable way. There is no reason I should not pursue her...except..." The pain in his eyes is tangible, and the glance he casts toward where Thariyae must be stationed near the caravan is heartbreaking.

"I am so sorry." I do not have better words to give him. I have no experience on which to base any relationship advice.

"When you cut him out...how did you manage it?"

"Well. The fact that he took part in destroying our village, that he was part of why our family was dead, made it easier. I let him go that night because he had also saved my life and helped me get to Andelxiao. I could not have survived or made the journey alone. But, that night...the decision had to be made in a moment.We were outside a breach in the city walls, with little time for deliberation." I shake my head, remembering. "It helped a little that he fled into the forest after I turned my back on him, and it helped more that I did not see him again afterward, until that battle."

"That would make it easier, not seeing her."

"If you wanted to switch places with someone on another squadron, our Kazmiohni might be willing to work with you."

"Cezarya in particular would only hate Thariyae more if I took that course of action."

"I could probably get Thariyae switched to another squadron, if you would prefer that option."

"You think they would do that at your request?"

"I could ask, at least. They favor me. Because of...you know."

"Yes." A long pause while he considers. "We may revisit that, once this mission is over."

"As you wish."

"Thank you. I know it cannot be easy for you, caught in the middle as you are."

"I am honored to be found trustworthy by so many."

Alderon chuckles a bit. "We are fortunate that you came to Andelxiao, Zelphinon most of all."

"I consider myself the fortunate one. I could have ended up anywhere, but to have landed in a place where I could receive the best possible training, make friends, start a career...meet Zelphinon.... I have been blessed beyond what I have deserved."

"Perhaps the universe is trying to compensate for what you have lost."

"If that is how it works, then you should have many more blessings coming soon."

He smiles but does not reply to that. For his sake, though, I hope that is the case. He deserves better than what has been dealt to him recently. Heavens above, please make things right.