I'm Not a Fighter, I'm a Victim

Chapter 8

Hey peoples, I got to update rather quickly today because I was in the cars for hours. So yeah...I may post again today, if I have nothing else to do. Who knows

Enjoy...

Riley

I stared at my letter, analyzing every detail of it. The letter had to be perfect, especially if it’s going to my parents. They deserve the best, and that’s what I’m giving them. I smile inwardly, and fold up the paper, placing it in my pocket.

I’ll ask Erin when I get home...

I walked into the entrance of the group home, seeing Andrew at the front desk. It must not be Erin’s shift today. I really thought it was hers today. She’s the one that woke me up, so why is Andrew here?

“Hello Riley” he said sweetly, and I smiled at him.

“Where’s Erin, I thought her shift was today?” I asked and he smirked at me.

“Fine Riles, I see how it is. You don’t like it when I’m here” he said playfully.

“No, I just have something that I have to ask her. It pertains to my parents, she usually tells me to ask her stuff about that” I said calmly, and his face fell. What was his problem? Was he jealous that I ask Erin about my parents rather than him? “Um...Andrew, what’s wrong?”

“What do you need to ask her? Is it about their death?” He asked and I cringed. I can’t stand it when Andrew talks about my parents. It makes me feel terrible that they’re dead. “Come on Riles, you can tell me what you tell her”

“Fine, it has nothing to do with their death. I just need to go to the cemetery” I said quietly and he stared at me.

“Riles you know the rules about that. Me and Erin don’t want you going there unless there’s a special occasion. We can’t have you breaking down like that again” he said and I clenched my fists.

Andrew was referring to a time in fourth grade where I would visit my parents all the time. I’d just come there after school and cry for hours in front of their grave. It became a regular thing, and it brought me into some kind of depression as they called it. It’s only because I stopped sleeping, eating, and my grades began to drop again.

They act like it’s my fault that I do that. As if it’s my fault that they’re dead, and I’m traumatized from it. Sure it’s been at least three years after it, but I was little, I couldn’t do anything else but cry...

“Cries lead to breakdowns Riles” Andrew’s voice echoed in my head.

“Breakdowns lead to depression” Erin’s voice added.

“And depression leads to suicide” They said in unison.

“We want you to be safe, Riles. We don’t want you to be sad for the rest of you’re life”

 

“But I’ve been happy, with my parents” My younger voice countered.

“Crying at night, bad grades, Riles this is more than mourning”

 

“No, it’s not! You don’t know anything, you don’t know what it’s like to have your parents taken from you, and not even know what happened! You don’t know what it’s like to be interrogated for hours on something you know nothing about! You’re not me, you don’t understand!”

 

 

Tears slipped down my face remembering that day. It sucks...So bad, and I can’t do anything about it. All I can do is live through it...Live through a never ending nightmare...My life...

“Fine Andrew...I’m going to bed then” I said quietly walking away.

 

“Riles...”

My life sucks.

It’s a never ending nightmare.

One that will never haunt someone else.

It’s just me.

Only me.

 

They don’t understand me.

Even after eight years of knowing me.

They never will.

I just know that.

Because, they’ve never lost anyone.

 

What happens in the past stays there.

My mourning is none of their business.

No matter who’s watching over me.

They have no control over me.

I have control over me.

 

It’s just a letter.

Not anything special about it.

It’s not some weapon for suicide.

It’s not some secret document for the mayor.

It’s a letter.

L-E-T-T-E-R

 

Sometimes I question why I’m here.

Why haven’t I left yet?

Why didn’t I fall apart and leave?

What’s keeping me from leaving?

That’s one of the things I wonder...

 

I don’t care what they say.

I don’t care what they do.

All I know is.

I’m doing this.

Nobody’s going to stop me...

 

Tomorrow I’m seeing my parents...