A Letter on the Bed

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Quartz, it's better if you don't be a hero. You should go into medicine like us. Your parents."

"We support whatever you choose. Though, going into the medical field is a very good choice."

"If you go into the medical field, we can help you. It's just not a very good idea to be a hero. I'm not saying you can't go into it. But it's just there are so many better options"

Blah. Blah. Blah.... It's funny how people say they support you only to shut you down and not actually give you a choice on anything. Oh, look it's Quartz! The thirteen-year-old 'doll' whose entire life has been planned out for her. Every aspect of her life has been controlled. What she wore. What she ate. What she did. If Quartz wanted to do anything, she must ask permission first, that's the rule. No matter what, she must follow the rules.

They say in a question of opinion there is no real right or wrong answer. Quartz may be thirteen but even she knew that it was a lie. There is always a right answer. In the case of her family, the best way to answer anything is by saying exactly what they want to hear. Appease them. If it makes her parents happy then at least the house was calm. If she answered incorrectly however, there would most definitely be a lecture or scolding waiting for her. How I'm wrong and they are right. They are always right. Everything she took interest in or enjoyed, be it hobbies or items, have all been taken away. "That's not a very good thing to like" they say. "It is pointless" they say. "Waste of time" they say.

It is said that strict parents raise sneaky kids. Well, that's not wrong. Since growing up Quartz had gotten better at being quiet, sneaking around, finding the right answer and even -though she shouldn't be proud of it- coming up with convincing lies. She had plans upon plans just in case something happened to the careful web of deceit she had created. Of course, Quartz was pretty sure half of those skills came with the paranoia she had somehow developed from repeatedly breaking the rules and trying to not get caught. The sound of their footsteps, the tone of their voice, all these little things make a surprisingly large difference between getting caught and not getting caught. When any authority figure says "if you tell me the truth, I won't be angry" they are lying. Honestly just answer with whatever they want to hear, and the verbal lashing will be much shorter.

Quartz shook her head, Here is a tip from me. During a scolding if you want to make the lecture end faster all you need to say is "yes", "I'm sorry", "I won't do it again", "you are right" and if you want, for extra measure you can add in a few tears to make the whole act more convincing. Works every time.

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"You aren't good enough" those words rang endlessly in the girl's head. It was ingrained so deep into her beliefs that it would never go away. It chipped at her self-confidence or lack thereof and kept her pushed down in self-loathing. Not that anyone knew anyway. She was a master at smiling and saying there was nothing wrong. She knew her parents were only doing and saying what they thought was best for their daughter and she loved them. They were her family.

A sing-song voice plagued her thoughts "Why can't you be more like that person? You aren't trying hard enough. You aren't good enough." Words she'd heard many times before.

"I don't want to have a pathetic useless daughter."

Her dad said many things to her through the years, but that sentence was the cherry on the cake so to speak. She remembered the day with startling clarity. It was at the dinner table.

The dinner table was quiet, the day before was a bad day – she'd answered one of the questions wrong. Her dad was wearing an orange t-shirt that day. It wasn't even after a few bites of her own meal that her dad had uttered those bitter words. There was silence. The only sound being from cutlery clinking on plates. Tears threatened to fall but she held them in place. His words held no remorse but instead they were spoken as a fact. An absolute truth.

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