Why Wattpad Drives Me Crazy | ✔️

74| Sex Scenes.

Ahh, this idea is thanks to the one and only KelseyTheJones! Her messages made me laugh and she was so right. Merci xx

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So they say that majority of people who watch porn are males

That's true.

Thing is, girls don't watch porn. They read it. And don't lie, you're guilty of it too. I mean the mere fact that you're on wattpad means that you have come across some fucked up sex scene in which you had the option to skip, or to even stop reading the book, but you didn't. You read that fucker, word for word. And read it again. And scrunched up your nose in disgust, and read it one more time. Just to confirm. Yea.

But that didn't change the fact that is was so fucking awkward each fucking time, okay.

And the reason for it's awkwardness may differ depending on the author and/or the book, but I have identified a few different types of sex scenes that you will find; and why they're so...ewww.

1. The One-Word-for-All

KelseyTheJones mentioned this one, and I'll quote her. The one-word-for-all sex scenes are "the ones where they used the same words for private parts".

I mean, I understand what the author was trying to do there. They were trying to make it seem less awkward, so that it's not as weird reading but tbh it's so WEIRD reading scenes like that:

"He thrust his junk into my junk and groaned as our junks moved together in perfect rhythm..."

So these authors' attempt to cover up the real words that should be used end up being so weird because it ends up sounding just...odd.

Odd.

2. The Queen of the Synonym

So, this another kind I've noticed. Authors try to use different words each time when naming the private parts, so as to avoid repetition (like in the first type).

I don't know if this is better or worse than using "junk" in every sentence, but it doesn't take away the weirdness from it.

Thing is, they'll use every other word except p*nis and v*gina.

Even I had to block them out because it's so weird writing them. Anywho, here's an example.

He tore off my skirt, exposing my area. I could feel his rocket getting hard. He undid his trouser, and out came his appendage. I gasped as he extended his manhood into me...my genitalia tingled...

yuck I can't write this shit anymore yuck

But also, these authors tend to avoid calling the guy's manhood (lol) "it". Because giving pronouns to private parts is just gross

I grabbed it

It entered me

You see what I mean, lol? It's just weird...

I hope there are no underage people reading this...

3. The Artiste

I mean I'm not saying sex isn't beautiful (pssshhhh how would I know) but some authors have gone to paint their sex scenes in such an elegant light that they're not even having sex anymore yea, they're making love. It's that deep.

No pun intended (seriously)

Therefore, these sex scenes are describe with such intensity but with such descriptive words that you're confused at whether it's fucking gross or whether it's fucking amazing

And I think in the end we just conclude that it leaves you saying

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ

Here's your example.

"She would be on her stomach, braced on her hands and knees. That lovely hair would cascade down her elegant back, and he would grab hold of it and tug. Her neck would arch, her lips would part on a gasp of pleasure, pain. In and out he would pound, her shealth hot and wet, tight. Yes, she would be tighter than a fist. His testicles would slap at her legs..."

(Shoutout to Kelsey for that...)

So yea.

What the fuck.

4. The Str8 Up 1s

Lastly, these are the ones who aren't afraid to use the words "penis" and "vagina" in their sex scene

But unfortunately that results in drastic consequences because it's just so damn awkward.

I think it's because in your normal day-to-day life those words are used in such inappropriate jokes that when a serious sex scene uses them, it becomes a bit funnier than it should be...

He held my waist, looking intently into my eyes. My hand slid down his manly chest, and I unbuttoned his trousers and pulled down his boxers. His hard penis revealed, he penetrated into my vagina and...

YOU KNOW WHAT

I'VE REACHED THE CONCLUSION THAT WATTPAD SEX SCENES ARE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND AWKWARD AND GAAAHHHH

To be honest after this rant I don't think I have any dignity anymore

I'm just walking out in shame

bye