Why Wattpad Drives Me Crazy | ✔️

30| Stupid Sh*t that Authors Say

Stupid Sh*t That Authors Say

::

So here's a little list of some stupid phrases that wattpad authors say so fucking much it's unbelievable.

Feel free to remind me which ones I've left out.

::

1. "Hey guys, I'm soooo sorry for this chapter, it was sooo bad! It will get better, promise!"

(It never does)

(Shoutout to @bunniezncookiez for adding onto this!)

2. "I promise, it's not cliché."

3."I promise, it's NOT going to be a cliché:("

4. "Guys, please stop advertising on my story, it's so rude. LOVE YOU THOUGH!"

When the author doesn't want to appear rude^, they just add some shit^.

5. "Sorry to leave you guys on such a cliffhanger;)"

Oh wow, you deserve a cookie now, don't you?

No bitch

no fucking cookie for you

you fucking did it intentionally so don't fucking apologise to me

6. "Not an update...guys I have writers block:/"

thanks for updating us that you're not going to be updating. (Refer to previous rants).

7. "What do you think will happen? Leave a comment below!"

This is such a bitch move, because I know you'll be sitting in your stupid room, laughing at how off the readers' predictions are.

Bitch.

8. "This chapter is so boring and filler-ish, I'm so sorry!:("

why did you fucking post it then

(refer to rant #10 or something)

9. "There's plenty of sex and shit up ahead, so don't go anywhere!"

also known as: the desperate cry for attention.

10. "I'll only keep writing if I reach 500 comments, so comment please!"

These kinds of authors should go dig a whole, jump into it, and wait to die.

Or be bitten by those yellow-ringed lizards.

Whattup Holes reference!

(Have you guys read it, it's awesome!)

However, I won't launch into some inspirational shit on how they should be writing because they love writing. They're a fucking waste of my time okay you can go on not updating, I'm not going to comment because of your childish demands yea

Be ashamed of yourself. (And I actually capitalized this sentence to emphasize it. Yes, bitch).

11. "I really don't deserve these many reads, omg thank you so much!"

Whole rant on these fucking fishermen coming soon.

12. "Hey guys, I'm telling you, this definitely won't be cliché."

So like you've fucking written that for the third time, so maybe that's getting cliché too. Bitch.

DO YOU NOT KNOW THE CONTENTS OF YOUR OWN BOOK?

Not cliché, MY FUCKING ARSE.

You know, I prefer to spell arse like 'arse'. It's so cool and articulate lol as compared to 'ass', which doesn't make you sound a cool when you're in an argument, okay.

Anyway, an ass is a donkey.

13. "All mistakes are intentional! Will clear them soon!"

oh wow, then you must think very lowly of yourself.

14. "Don't comment on bad grammar, I'll edit them after I'm done!"

These bitches never do.

But it's not like I go back and check either, lol.

But bitch you even know your grammar is bad?

15. *after 9 months* "Guys, I've been so busy with school, sorry for not updating."

Yea, it was definitely school. I mean of course it was school, for nine months. School was totally the reason.

They forgot to teach you how to spell PREGNANT.

(Just got reminded of this one, shoutout to @Jordan_Haines for that!)

16. "Love me, pls."

Okay maybe I'm the only one who says that

But share the love guys

::

Thanks for all the reads :O and votes :O and comments :O

That's another of the stupid things that wattpad authors say, but we have to use at least one in our life on here, don't we?

Much love.

::

Here are a series of cheesy donkey jokes lol

How do you compliment a donkey?

"Hey, nice ass!"

What do you call a donkey that can't speak?

A dumb ass

Hahahah I'm so funny

Wait

Donkeys can't speak

I'm so stupid

Except for Donkey.

#TeamShrek.

Okay me and my lameness are exiting.

I'm so unfunny -_-

::

Comment "PREGNANT" if you've read this far. 👍🏼