Why Wattpad Drives Me Crazy | ✔️

41| ODIs Part III

A big thanks to Pigwidgeon026 (I love that username) for this idea! I wish I could use your example because it was perfect.

But this? This a rant long overdue.

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The types of Over-Descriptive Idiots just keep fattening, yah, it's like we're just feeding them on chips and fanta, Kay, and there'll be no more left for the rest of us

I hate fanta though.
#CocaColaForever (that's the only soft drink that I drink).

(Don't give me that bullshit about coke being bad for your health, because everything is bad for your health these days).

Once I wrote a mini jingle for coke to use over Christmas

But I was too lazy to send it to them

Meh.

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So basically, the third types of ODIs? The ones who feel the need to pile on like a thousand adjectives and adverbs before every fucking noun or verb.

Like these fuggers will tell you the colour of their purse right down to the Pantone colour scheme code number.

They even know the exact heights of everyone around them. Like I don't get that. I don't use the foot system, so forgive me if my examples are stupid

But these bitches be like:

I put my 5"3 figure against his muscular 6"2 height, which was different to my ex-boyfriend's 5"1 frame unlike my mother who was 5"0.

So like cool do you have some sort of superpower or device in your head that helps you calculate the height of the people around you

I honestly don't understand why you need to be so exact, this ain't maths bro, just say whether they're tall or not!

If I had it my way, I'd be using centimeters okay, saying shit like

His body was 183cm while mine was 167cm and thus he was taller, like my 190cm length brother.

Or wait

WHAT IF WE USED KILOMETERES

I am 0. 0124km high

That would be so cool though

(Not really).

So these ODIs will be feeling on top of the world yet their readers are still trying to fathom wtf the author is talking about

And it's not like these Idiots are even using difficult words, it's just that lawddd their meticulous descriptions about everything are so...meticulous...

I did not think that sentence through.

But I just sit there wondering fucking hell how do you have so much time to even write about the secondary colour of the cabinet which has a tinge of rust where a family of flies currently resides

Par Exemple:

I swiftly put on my interesting, amazing and fantastique bohemian clothes. My fuschia tee conspicuously brought out my cerulean orbs which sat on my oblong, clean face, which made up 1/5 of my 5"1 body.

Slowly checking my ugly and revolting reflectiontransparent clear mirror, I saw my lovely gold locks*.

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No fucking detail will be missed out

Like my example isn't even close enough to how these fuggers note every fucking single aspect of every fucking thing

Edit:-

And like omg those ODIs who describe every piece of clothing, like:

I wore a crimson plaid long shirt with sunny-yellow buttons on the left side which had two inch spaces between each other. There was pocket on the right with a golden logo explaining that the t-shirt was made in 1764. The t-shirt was hugging me tight on my waist but not on my bust. I left the top button unbuttoned to expose my rouge necklace with small oval silver links about 2mm in width and 1mm in length...

And it gets to a point where I'm like

GET TO THE FUCKING POINT ALREADY

IF YOU HAVE ONE
*keeps reading*

SEEMS LIKE YOU DONT HAVE A STORY K

Like you're still describing your shirt? LAWD now I've to suffer as we go on to the trousers and shit.

Funny, because your description says someone will die?

BUT OF COURSE THERE WOULD BE DEAD PEOPLE COZ YOU TAKE SO LONG TO GET TO THE POINT THAT YOUR CHARACTERS HAVE ALREADY RETIRED AND RECEIVED THEIR PENSION

I'm still waiting for the part where you introduce the hot guy, yea

15 chapters later, she finally arrives in school.

One thing is that I will commend these idiots for the fact that they can describe the desirable object [usually a guy] in such detail that the bastard is alive in your mind

Like are you a beaver because DAMMM[N]

The degree to which the size of his dimples are explained is on point, k.

But I never get to that part, yea, because there's too much shit about your Maybelline mascara double volumiser 300+ with multiple effects for me to read any further

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*Omg but have you noticed the way hair is mentioned these days though

For Females:

Locks

My brown chestnut locks cascaded** down my back

For Males:

Mop

(Usually in referral to Harry Styles)

His mop of curly hair sat on his head

{**it always cascades, doesn't it.}