Netpals || Harry Styles

E l e v e n

I deleted chapters eleven and twelve of the story where it was in Harry's pov because i felt like the story did a weird turn for the worst and I wanted to fix it. 

So this is the new chapter eleven. Sorry if you did like those chapters but i was really unhappy with it. If you want and liked harry's pov there still will be in the future (and he still will be that douche bag type of rich kid so harry's personality is still the same) but it will be written differently.

Hope you like the new chapter eleven :) 

*warning: sensitive material*

======================

E l e v e n 

Sitting motionless on my bed is something I seem to be great at right now. Sitting with my back against the bed frame with my legs straight in front of me, I start at the wall directly across from me, my vision blurry as thoughts float around in my head. The memories, the laughs, the hard times, the kisses, the embraces, the love. It all comes flooding back.

The whole night I couldn't sleep. How could I sleep if it has been a year. 

I could feel my eyes are swollen and puffy, my vision naturally blurry from all that crying. It hurts so much. I just feel sad and dead. I feel like I am on the boarder line from dead and living, someone who is barely surviving - just existing as each day passes, not living her life to the fullest. 

This is not how I wanted to live my life, but it is so hard to change. How could I be happy and outgoing, celebrating her life when I feel guilt and sadness from someone else's. 

I move my gaze away from the wall and look at the clock instead. 6:10 in the morning. A chocking sound emits from my mouth as I realize that one year and one minute ago, Nick's parent's called me about his passing. 

I don't understand.

And I don't think I would ever understand why he decided to end his life. Was I not a good girlfriend? Was I not there for him when he needed it?

"It's not your fault," she said. "You did the best you could do, you were there for him and that's the best you could have done, it's not your fault." But then why did he do it then? He has parents who loved him, friends who cared for him. He was doing great in school, he was on the football team, everyone loved him. "Sometimes that is still not enough." She said.

I hear a ding coming to my left where my laptop is situated on my desk. My head throbs at the sounds and I close my eyes and breathe to make it go away. After a minute, I put aside the now empty cup in my hand and place it on my bedside table. I stand up, my head throbbing, and slowly walk over to the table in a curvy line. I sit down on the chair and unlock my laptop before going on my conversation with Harry.

I just feel so dead right now. I don't even feel like I can control my actions, my brain just does whatever it wants to do and I don't have the strength to oppose. It actually feels liberating.

styles94: Hi Daisy. How are you doing? .xx 

daisyyy_: I feel like crap. crap crap crappp

styles94: What's the matter? Is everything alright, Daisy?

daisyyy_: The question is, when are thinfs ever alrigjt?

styles94: You're starting to slightly worry me..

daisyyy_: S'okay don't be worried. I'm used to this kind of feeling :))

daisyyy_: But I think this magjc potion is starting to work now so it's all gooooddd :)))0

styles94: Um...Daisy...Are you drunk?

daisyyy_: I am old enough to drink. I am older than you sooo hehe

styles94: Oh, really? How old are you then?

daisyyy_: I shouldn't tell strangers my age.

styles94: But I'm your friend Harry.

daisyyy_: Yeah, I guess.

styles94: Do you want me to guess or something?

daisyyy_: You can but i'm 23 :)

styles94: Oh, three years older ;)

daisyyy_: yeaj

styles94: Could you please drink a glass of water?

daisyyy_: Why?

styles94: Please. For me .x

daisyyy_: Okaay? 

I stand up, feeling dizzy and wobbly right away. I hold onto the side of the chair and carefully walk over to the kitchen to drink a glass of water like Harry said. I fill the cup up and chug it down, wiping the water that dripped down the side of my mouth. I stay there for a while, letting the buzz fade away a bit before going back to my desk.

daisyyy_: There, happy?

styles94: Yes, I am actually. Thank you for doing that.

styles94: Starting to feel a bit better?

daisyyy_: Just a bit. 

styles94: Good, good. 

styles94: Want to talk about it?

daisyyy_: Not really actually.

styles94: Oh, okay.

styles94: But I'm always here whenever you want to talk to someone.

daisyyy_: Thanks, Harry.

styles94: Anytime, love .x

daisyyy_: I'm actually going to go now, I have to do something..

styles94: Okay. Good luck with whatever you need to do .x 

As I shut my laptop, I cringe at what just happened. Now when I'm starting to gain some sense again, I just feel so stupid and foolish I said those stuff to Harry in the beginning of the conversation. I guess since I am so small, one glass of alcohol really messes me up. 

I get up from my seat, my head still hurting a bit, and walk to the washroom to freshen up. I do everything twice as slow to stall as much time as I can from going to the place I am going to go. Nick's grave.

=========================

If you are confused about anything, just comment and I will gladly reply :)

Thanks for being so lovely, I love you so much.

Vote, comment, share and follow :)

~ May <3