Remorse

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What would happen if I don't meet him since beginning? Why Ashton ran away from our marriage? If only he didn't left the altar, I would have been happily married to him. After the first failure in my life, the second failure happened once again. Should I admit now that I'm a jinx? Don't I deserve to be happy with the man I love?

Why God shows no mercy in my life? Whom should I blame? The God? Or my bad luck? Or Ashton? Or Jay?

When I have nowhere to go, I decided to go back to my hometown. Mom was overwhelmed seeing me. I was at least glad that someone is there for me. But happiness doesn't stay longer when I.... when I was confirmed pregnant by the doctor. Mom was terribly shocked by the news. It was probably Emanuel's. I told her the truth that I accidentally get drunk and had sex with a guy. For the first time in my life, she hits me; saying that I disgraced her pride and good name. Dad was stood still without doing anything because mom was doing the action he wanted to do. Just like that, they throw me from the house.

I'm pregnant with someone else's child. How can it go worst? Temporarily I stayed in my sister's house but her laws were looking at me disgustingly. I don't want this child, I want to abort it, I hate him..... Often times, I walked to a private hospital to abort this damn thing growing inside me but for no reason, I cancel my intention and go back.

My sister's mother in law started to pressure her to chase me out. So to not give her hard decision, I walk out myself. It's not easy taking a step forward when you don't know where your foot will fall. I don't know how long I was walking but I just walk. And then I sat beside a building. Time passes by... clouds turned darker and darker.

I realize something from thinking too much. No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it. I want to die but I don't dare to kill an innocent soul. What is his mistake? Putting my hand over my stomach, a smile formed in my lips. Why am I smiling? Why I'm feeling pleasure inside me? Like a new hope. This hope makes me smile on the inside as well as on the outside.

Standing up, I looked up to the sky. So what if I'm pregnant? So what if people don't like me anymore? I'm going to rock my life. Fuck this problem!!

''The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem'', I shouted while looking at the sky.

''hahaha... Indeed...'', someone chuckled. I saw one old woman in front of me.

''s...sorry... I didn't mean it louder'', I smile lightly with a flushed face. I guess I attracted people who pass by the street.

''No... I've been watching you since morning. Why are you sitting alone here?'', she asked. I didn't answer her because she's a stranger and I don't want to share my problems with someone I just know.

''you know... I have a small bakery shop. You want to follow?'', she smiles genuinely. ''free of charge'', she added. I chuckled.

''I think I'll just follow what this life leads me...'', I smile.

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It's a short chapter.... Wait for the next chapter!!!

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