"Hold my hand, look into my eyes, and walk with me to hell."
They say things happen for a reason. And sometimes we question that reason. Meeting each other was a sudden mistake, something unexpected; but the burning need for each other wasn't a mist...
Chp67. "Psychosis" TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains minor information about depression and suicidal thoughts, which may trigger survivors. If choose to continue, read with caution.
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"Why did you leave me here to burn? I'm way too young to be this hurt."
- I have questions // Camila Cabello
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MIA;
The light from the moon high up into the dark sky shines upon the trees, bringing shadows into the woods and causing my anxiety to run free and out of control.
Paranoia was my best friend at the moment. A friend who wouldn't betray you at least. I thought to myself. My blood continued to rush hot throughout my entire body, almost as if in competition with my heart—both wanting to finish an ongoing race with no finish line. I was in deep pain yet somehow dry and fresh out of tears, as if I even expected myself to cry on some more, I had no energy in me. My breathing was uncontrollable from having ran what seemed to me to be forever, though I stopped not too long ago. I figured I was too deep into trees and darkness to be found, at least not that easily, or so I really hoped. I sat down on the floor against a tree and threw my head back with closed eyes.
How many more times am I going to be lied to? How many times do I have to go through something no human deserves to feel? What if I do deserve everything?
Do I deserve this? Is existing even worth it? Should I just end the constant pain? Would anyone even care? Would everything be better off if I was just... gone?
Nothing is left. There'll be peace. I'll have peace.
Voices. Voices in different tones, different places, all over my head. The same voice, my voice. I am aware of the feeling I constantly have to push away, denying it's existence. But it's there, it has always been there. Hidden before though now it's out and crystal clear coming out to play, but the only game it knows it's torture.
I am aware of the feeling of being empty, hopeless, a feeling that can so easily consume someone–that can so easily consume me. I've suffered from depression before, briefly. Feeling useless like a soul taking up space. Simply getting out of bed was a struggle, doing every day activities where I'd rather be in my own solitude . The constant thought of feeling like my existence is just not needed, and how much better things would be if I were to simply disappear without a trace. How could I go on while my own mind has turned against me?
