Deathly Kisses

20. "I hate you so much."

Chp20. "I hate you so much."










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It felt like I couldn't breath. I tried so many times to take in deep, gentle, calming breathes in. But it was no use whatsoever; it only led to worse. It has been at least almost half an hour that I've been sitting here in this cold floor. The floor from the hotel's bathroom. The cold tiles from the bathroom floor causing my whole body to shiver. My throat was in deep pain as well as everything else. Including my heart. My cheeks were wet, my eyes, my hands from wiping those tears that couldn't help but only fall each second. My lips tasted salty from all the tears rolling down my face. I sat there leaning against the wall, my knees brought to my body as I continued my sorrows nonstop.




Every once in a while I would hear the knocks on the door, indicating me that Austin was still behind there. Ever since our little outburst earlier, I lost control. I wasn't strong enough, I grew weaker. And what did I do after I settled for worse? I ran. I ran away from my problems. That one person that meant the entire world to me was now gone. Gone forever, never to be seen again. I didn't even get to see him one last time or even say a goodbye. Not even knowing what truly happen, I didn't want to. I didn't want to know what happened. To me; he was still here. But that didn't change the fact that I'll never see that person who tucked me into bed every night as a kid, the one who read me stories; or comforted me every time the monsters would hide in my closet. The one whom comforted me when I need him the most. The one who raised me, he wasn't there. Nothing is worth fighting for anymore.




For the past half hour since I've rushed in here; the knocks on the door hadn't stopped at all. They kept on going time after time. I wasn't able to hear them clearly due to the fact I had blocked everything and everyone out. The only thing I could hear was my loud cries. I was pretty sure by now everyone was able to hear them. The bathroom was a complete mess; things everywhere. I had lost it completely. Knocked everything down. Fake flowers inside the bath tub, all over the floor. The mirror broken, the walls scratched and damaged up. The curtains completely torn, as well as the towels. The broken glass laying sharply on the tiles, the flower vase was the first thing in sight when I had walked in. The only item I took and made sure it shattered against the wall and onto the floor. The pain coming from my foot due to the glass cutting me in deeply as well as my knuckles for punching the mirror, was nothing compared to the pain I felt inside me. The deep damaged, heartbroken pain. It became a struggle taking the huge piece of glass that was buried inside my foot out. But I managed. The vibrant red liquid quickly exiting my foot.



I couldn't stop replaying that unpleasant scene all over and over again. I tried so hard to push it away but it only comes back ten times worse. Causing me extreme pain and heartbroken cries only. I can't help but only cry, everything inside me is broken. And it can't be fixed.








*









For a second I thought that I had misheard Austin. I didn't know if what he was saying was just a joke, but that was my first instinct.



I looked at him and only him. "W-what?" I stutter do to my reaction.



"I'm sorry." He says again; sorrow in the sound of his voice.



I take a few steps back unexpectedly, leaving him in the same old vacant spot he stood in before. "Don't say things like that... things that aren't true."



I refused to believe what Austin was saying. It was only false statements every time he spat out. But deep inside me, I felt something crack. I hated him. I hated Austin so much. I hated him for saying stupid things like this. It wasn't right of him to talk like this, when he knows all the crap I've been through. It was wrong, so plain wrong. It was Riley, it had to be Riley. Who else? Riley that little piece of shit. It was him, the one who had told Austin to tell me this.




How could I have been so clueless this whole time? I was set to fall in a trap. Their trap; Austin and Riley's trap. It must've been some plan they had come up with just to get more from my dad, how important was this revenge to them? That's low, pulling crap like this.



"I hate you." I hissed angrily between my gritted teeth.



Austin's face didn't change, didn't even flinch. He stood there watching me. God, I hated him so much.



I shook my head in disgust, who would be so sick in the head to come up with these lies?



I took deep breaths. "I hate you so much." Still, Austin didn't bother to speak up.



"You have a lot of nerve talking to me like this. After all I've been through. After all you have put me through. I am so sick and tired of you; of this." I couldn't hold back. This was the last straw, enough is enough.



"Don't." He warned.



But I didn't listen. I really could care less.



"-it's one thing to do all of this for some stupid revenge. But to say things like this? About my dad? That's too far. You've crossed the line Austin. You have no idea what I'm going through, no idea. You don't have the fucking right to hurt me. No, I won't let you do this to me. So you can stop with this nonsense of yours and leave my dad out of your ugly lies."



The room fell silent. Not a peep was made. Austin was incapable of answering, I saw as he slowly only licked his lips. He did not expect that coming, and quite strangely neither did I. But I knew it had to be said, I was so sick and tired of all this mess. So tired everything, if I had a choice to wether just sleep and never wake up, I'd take it in a heartbeat with no hesitation.



After a long period of time of just complete silence and speeding heartbeats, he finally parted his lips to speak. "You're wrong."



"You're so wrong. You have absolutely no idea of what's going on. I know this topic isn't something you just play around with, and that's why I'm telling you the truth. I'm not going to sit here and have you disrespect me right before my eyes. It's your choice wether to believe me or not. But just now I'm telling you fact here."




"Do you really expect me to take you seriously? Cut the crap Austin."



Seconds later an angry Austin dashed over to me, his eyes fuming with fire. "The reason why were are fucking running away is because of you! Don't turn this shit on me. I'm saving you. Saving you from death, so if I were you I'd watch what I say. Riley had called a meeting after he found out your father had passed away, right away he called the whole thing off. But that wasn't enough for him, he wanted more. And the next big thing to him, was you. He wanted you gone. Wanted you dead, he wanted me to do that job."



It took me a few more moments to finally settle everything in. Reality had kicked in, big time. He really was gone. Gone. Never to come back. That person who was capable of always putting a smile on my face- gone. The one whom he always called me his little girl, who I was so used to feeling his arms around me. He wasn't coming back. He wasn't going to save me. I was alone. So alone.



"You aren't lying are you?" I said as my voice cracked.



I saw sorrow in the way Austin looked at me. I didn't like it. I didn't want anyone to look at me like that. I didn't want people feeling sorry for me. I hated everyone and everything. I was stuck in a never ending nightmare. I was so broken. Deep inside my heart I knew my dad really was gone- which is funny because I didn't have a heart, at least not anymore. I didn't have anything left in general.



Austin was still only a few inches apart from me, I was able to hear his breathing. It was steady, unlike mines. "As much as I wished I was lying, I'm not. I know, I know how it feels. To have your heart torn apart."



"He isn't coming back?" I questioned even though I already knew the answer to that.



Austin closed his eyes steadily and shook his head. "I'm sorry."




I dodged Austin and got out of there as soon as possible. I didn't want to break out in front of him. I wasn't just going to. I rushed to the bathroom and locked the door shut right behind. I was a mess. It all happened way too quickly for me to even finish processing it. I grabbed the flower vase and took no time in throwing it against the wall, watching it shatter as the pieces came crumbling down. I saw them there on the floor, unable to fix itself. The vase was ruinied. I had no control of my emotions whatsoever. My cries and screams filled the room. I couldn't help it, I need to let it all out. Though I knew deep down I truly will never let all of this out, able to just let this all go. My knuckles had this deep pain, and they were bleeding. I didn't really know what had happened until I took a look at the mittor. It was broken. Cracks everywhere, there stood a girl. She stared at me and I stared at her. She looked scared and lost and crazy. She looked like the devil itself. I couldn't explained. She was so lost, so broken, so emotionless, so... me. I was horrified by the way she looked. I took steps back, until I finally stopped due to a pain on my foot. I had looked down to only see red substance coming from it, blood. I still hadn't stopped crying, only my cries had gotten a bit softer since I couldn't anymore. I didn't have the energy left in me, I didn't have anything in general. I was risking everything, and everything was risking me. He was my entire world, and now my entire world is falling apart. And I'm the middle of this, here I was; broken and lost. Because once you break something you can never put the pieces back together.








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I would've had expect the knocks on the door to vanish by this time, but they never did. They continued on and on. I was in so much pain, from both inside and out. But I knew my dad wouldn't want to see me like this, even though I knew I will never be the same again; he wouldn't want to see me like this. The pain wouldn't go away. But I wasn't going to go on and loose myself even though I practically already was. I calmed my cries after I had lost my voice and my throat was sore. I was now only sobbing and calming myself. I took a look at my surroundingsto only notice the mess I had caused. Which only reminded me of everything and started to cry again. Softly this time. I stood up and picked up my shoes that I had kicked off when I had walked inside the bathroom. My sweater was torn in all directions.



I took one last deep breath in before I unlocked the door and had it open. There stood Austin, his eyebrows rose up as he saw me and the mess I had behind me. He took one look at my bloody knuckles and bloody foot and back to me. I looked at him with low eyes, he looked back. Austin opened his arms and I closed my eyes completely as I rushed to him. I felt theclosure of his arms. His warmth and smell. I was in his arms and for a brief moment I felt safe. I buried my face in his chest and let my sobs escape me. He only hugged me tighter, right then and there Austin was the only person I had left to turn to.












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Sorry for any mistakes. I'm tired and ill edit this later, xo