Deathly Kisses

57. "The forlorn times"

Chp57. "The forlorn times"

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    Austin's point of view

I saw as she walked out on me, completely walked out on me. The way she took her time in closing the door to my room. I stopped breathing for a quick second only it seemed almost an eternity.  God, I missed her already. So damn much.

I felt like a complete fraud. I let the only woman in my life down. I was losing my soul and I was losing control. I hated knowing how things can go from perfect to complete shit. All I wanted was her, and here I am standing as I see the woman who was making me so happy, walk out of my life. I was coming undone.

Turning my hands into fists the anger and sadness was consuming me. I hated myself more than anything at this moment. My anger was bottling up slowly and slowly before getting ready to explode.

I took one more look at the door, picturing Mia walking out on me as if I was nothing. And I guess I did deserve that. I couldn't stand it though, I wasn't having it. Not again.

I rushed to the door of my room and swinged it with all of my force completely open hoping that just maybe I wasn't too late, and that just maybe she had stopped and waited.

But she didn't. And in a way, she saved herself from me by walking out.

I took a few deep breaths as I stood still in the hallway of my bedroom. If I never felt death before I'm sure I'm close to feeling it now. Fuck, I really hated myself.

Eventually I had walked back to my room, shutting the door and locking it. I was defeated and feeling like a loser was an understatement. I looked around for my phone until I found it on my bed.

I took no time in calling Mia, before I knowing I was going to hesitate and not go with it. The call didn't go through, I tried more than ten times at least but I had no luck. There was no possible way she could have changed her number this quick. I assumed she had blocked my number by now which I don't blame her for considering I'd be calling nonstop.

Yeah this was fucking great.

Hating the scent of the food I had brought for her and I, I walked on over to it, picked up the tray and threw it across the room, watching as the food scattered everywhere in a matter of seconds.

The tray hit the wall making a loud noise, loud enough to make someone come to my room and ask what was wrong, but no one did.

I quickly walked towards my bed and flopped down on it, inhaling the sheets hoping it still had her smell because I knew that way was the only way I could feel hear near me, or at least say a proper goodbye. But like always there was nothing there but my shit sorrows.

It was bad, really bad. Bad enough that I had started to miss both my parents. And mostly my father which only made me think of Mia and what I had done. I could've said something but I was being a coward.

And later that night was the first night I had ended up sort of crying myself to sleep, and in the back of my mind I could only picture my father telling me how real men don't cry. Like the one time he was teaching me how to play baseball and I had fallen and scraped my knee. He came over to me, gave me a pat on the back and told me to pick myself up cause real men don't cry. And I did.

But because of this, I wasn't a real men so it was an exception. Fuck that.

This was where I was getting at... the forlorn times.