Paris / Ted Lasso

105. Back away Satan

"Happy Uncle Day! " Phoebe declared.

" You know it's not a real holiday, right?" Roy countered as party horns blared.

" Yes, it is." Phoebe corrected. "Right, Mummy?"

"Any day that annoys Roy..." Sully, Roy's sister declared with a smirk. " ... holiday for me." the doorbell rang and Phoebe jumped up.

"I'll get it."

"Phoe told me that Uncle's Day is her favorite holiday of the year." Sully added.

"Fuck off." Roy barked.

"Yeah, seriously. It was, uh, Uncle's Day, Uncle Roy's birthday, and then Perchtenlaufen, the German holiday where people dress up as evil spirits and roam the streets in order to scare winter away." Sully agreed.

"She might be an old soul, but she's a proper fucking dweeb, isn't she?" Roy remarked.

"Do we have aunts day for aunt rebecca?" Bridie questioned. 

"I'm sure she would like it, we will have to find it." Poppy agreed. Birdie nodded. 

"Mother's day, father's day, uncles day, aunts day... Birdie day?"

"Every day is birdie day." Poppy corrected as her phone dinged. Birdie reached for it. 

"It's daddy!" She declared opening messages. 

"Is that your Range Rover outside?" Jamie questioned.

" No, it's my mum's." Phoebe corrected.

" Oh, right, all right. Hey, how you doing? You all right? Sorry I'm late." Jamie added.

" Oh, it's okay." Sully assured watching her brothers face twist.

"You can just s-sit down next to Uncle Roy." Phoebe added. 

"Hello, Uncle Roy." Jamie agreed. "Hey Pop," jamie added kissing Poppy's cheek. "This is fun."

"This is fun." Poppy agreed. 

"What the fuck is he doing here?" Roy barked. 

"I had to invite your best friend." Pheobe answered.

" He's not my best friend." Roy barked. " He isn't my best friend."

"I mean I think he might, its really cute." Poppy corrected. 

"Well, you talk about him a lot, and you spend every day together." Pheobe countered.

"Well, he's not."

"So, who's your best friend, Jamie?"

"Uh, probably Isaac." Jamie answered.

"Fuck off." Roy barked.

"He is."

'That's a pound, Uncle Roy."

" Bill me." Roy seethed glaring back at Jaime. Birdie laughed out bouncing in Poppy's lap. 

"Was I supposed to bring a present?" Poppy mused seeing jamies gift. 

"I got it mama!" Birdie assured. 

"She made it for you." Poppy whispered as Roy opened it up, glitter came flying out of the card. 

"You are not my uncle," Roy read off. "But if you were I would like that very much." Roy looked to Birdie leaning closer. 

"Thank you Birdie." ROy answered. "Glitter fucking everywhere." he murmured brushing off his pants. 

"You are welcome." Poppy agreed. 

"Okay. Now, open Jamie's gift." Phoebe instructed. Jamie chuckled holding it out.

"Ah, it's... it's.... stupid. It's dumb. I don't know. Here." Jamie waited as roy opened it up. "It's your original England kit from the World Cup. Your name's on the back there. Uh, I got 'em to change the E to a U." Roy stared down at the jersey before looking to Jamie.

"I love it."

Phoebe hesitated understand and then narrowed her eyes at Jamie. "Yeah. You owe me a pound, Jamie."

"But I didn't say nothing."

"N-No, but you made me think it, and that's basically the same thing". Phoebe countered.

"Let me see!" Birdie questioned. 

"Yeah, fair play." Jaime agreed. 

"Nope." Poppy countered. "I like it though." Poppy assured jamie softly. 

"What's it say? Kent... K- change the E to a- what a-" Poppy slapped a hand over Birdie's mouth. 

"You owe her a pound too." Poppy decided. 

" Okay, my turn." Phoebe declared

"All right." roy agreed. "Good wrapping, that."

"I made it at school. The colors spell your name. Red, orange, yellow. Roy." he held up a tie dyed shirt. Roy grit his teeth.

" Oh." It was all he could say.

" She's been very excited to give it to you." Sully agreed. "What do you think?"

" Well, I mean, I fucking love it" Roy agreed. 

"Thats so stinking cute!" Poppy declared. "I can see you wearing this every single day." Pheobe giggled happily. 

"Can we do tie dye with daddy?" Birdie questioned. 

"I think he would like that." Poppy agreed finally getting her phone back, she smiled as Birdie and ted little conversation. 

"Okay. Mum and I are going to put our costumes on for the performance. Heads-up, team. There is an intermission." Sully informed them.

" Your sister is fit."

" I will cut your eyes out."

"I play too!" Birdie declared chasing after them. 

"Hello, Rebecca."

"Ah. Rupert. "

"Thank you for accepting my invitation."

"How could I resist the chance of having a bunch of old men speak directly to my chest?"

XXX 

"Hold on its rebecca." Poppy remarked pulling away from Ted. "How did it go? Oh my God! Becca what happened to you?"

"The meeting didnt go well." Rebecca answered, she was covered in food. 

"You had a food fight?" Poppy pondered. 

"Something like that." Rebecca chuckled. "But... are you alone?"

"Teds near by why?"

"Get somewhere private."

"I'm going to tell him either way."

"I can keep a secret Rebecca!" Ted called out. 

"Rupert tried to kiss me." 

"And you said back away Satan?"