Paris / Ted Lasso

36. Carlton

Poppy came in as Roy was marching out.

"Pleasent conversation with Roy as usual?" Poppy mused. Poppy loved Roy like family but he was difficult to most people.

"Beard wants to bench him, I dont want to." Ted assured. "He's the captain but he's... struggling."

"he's old." Poppy agreed.

"Hey now," Ted countered. "He's younger than me."

"He's old for a footballer. Football is a demanding sport, it takes its toll." Poppy corrected. "You are not old. You are handsome and funny and I like being around you." Ted blushed as she touched his cheek.

"I have some work to do but i wanted to see you before everything got crazy." Poppy remarked. "See you later?"

"Yes." Ted agreed, he couldnt wait for later. 

"Where is auntie Becca?" Birdie questioned as Poppy took over Rebecca's office. 

"She is apologizing to Higgins for forcing him to be an accomplice in her moronically childish schemes." Poppy answered.

+

"Hey, fellas. Well, that's a lot of pints just for us." Ted remarked looking at the many glasses before Bread.

"I thought you might've had a tough time with Roy." Beard answered sliding a glass to him.

"Coach, you are a natural-born caregiver. Like Chief from Cuckoo's Nest." Ted assured.

"I was always more of a Taber guy."

"But if I'm being honest, I actually never got around to telling Roy." Ted countered. Beard grabbed the glass pulling it back. "Now, don't give me those eyes. He figured it out all on his own. I can see you're happy now, but don't be. 'Cause I've been thinking about it and, um... well, I'm starting Roy

against Man City and that's that." Ted declared with finality. "Look, putting him on the bench wouldn't just be humiliating to him," Ted went on when Beard remined silent. "it could actually affect his livelihood. And you know better than anyone that all this ain't about winning to me. 'Cause that ain't

how we measure success, right?"

"Damn it, it is!" Beard shouted slamming his hands on the table.

"Hey. Who put a firecracker up your butt and lit it?" Ted questioned.

"You did! And I'm sick of it. Look, I understood this mission when we were in Kansas. But those were kids and these are professionals and winning does matter to them. And it matters to me. And that's okay." Beard demanded. "Ain't that right, Mae?

" A-fucking-men it is." She agreed.

"How do you not get it? Losing has repercussions. We lose, we get relegated. We get relegated, this is over and we will have built nothing. And if you wanna pick a player's feelings over a coach's duty to make a point..." Beard scoffed. "I don't wanna drink with someone that selfish." He sulked off and Ted stared down at his untouched drink. 

Ted called Poppy. She picked up on the first ring. 

"Hello," She sung out. 

"Is it Mr Ted!" Birdie shouted jumping up. 

"It is, hey Ted."

"Hey do you think you could convince Roy to meet me at my place?" Ted questioned. 

"I can drag him there. Whats wrong?" Poppy questioned.

"I need to have a talk with him..."

"Ohh that talk." Poppy agreed. 

"If all goes well I want to take you and Birdie out for dessert after." Ted added. 

"Sounds good." Poppy agreed. 

"Hey," Ted hugged Poppy as Roy marched in. 

"You want back up?" Poppy questioned. 

"I think I have to do this solo." Ted countered. "Thanks for getting him here." 

"NO problem, Birdie and I are going to be in the park, call me when you are done if Roy doesnt pummel you." Poppy half mused kissing his cheek before leading Birdie back down the stairs. 

"I'm good." Roy corrected as Ted stuck out his jar of peanut butter.

" You got a nut allergy?"

"I got a finger allergy." Roy corrected recalling Ted saying he dipped a finger in when he passed.

"What else have I got to offer you here? We got red wine. We got tea. Ooh." Ted declared. "Two-day-old pasta water."

"Tea's fine." Roy assured. "Look, I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself." Roy admitted. "Poppy asked me to be nicer to you." He added. 

"Eh, la-di-da." Ted chuckled of course poppy told roy to be on his best behavior. 

"I'm usually better at hiding my anger."

"You think so, huh?" Ted countered. Roy grumbled. "Know thyself. Rest in peace, Socrates."

"Told my niece I might not be playing. She asked if we could go get ice cream."

"Well, hey, at least you had someone you could talk to, right?" Ted agreed. "How was the ice cream?"

"Good. It's fucking ice cream." Roy agreed.

"Yeah, right? Ice cream's the best. I'm taking Poppy and Birdie out for dessert after this." Ted agreed. "It's kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live, you know? It never disappoints... It does give me the toots though. The ice cream, not Billy Joel. SO maybe no ice cream with Poppy that would be a real test to our relationship." Roy growled low in his throat clearly bored. 

"I asked Pheobe if she was still gonna watch the match if I wasn't playing." Roy went on.

"Yeah?" Ted questioned.

"Little shit said yes. Didn't even blink. Just straight into my face." Roy barked. "Poppy cackled. Cackled I tell you. Little shit she is too."

"Well, hey. That's showbiz, ain't it?" Ted chuckled. "I promised myself I was never gonna watch Fresh Prince again when they swapped out Aunt Vivs. But truth be told, as long as they let Carlton do his thing, I was always gonna take a minute and just sit right there." Ted locked eyes with Roy. "Sidebar: Alfonso Ribeiro, the greatest physical comedian of the 19th, 20th and 21st century. Case in point right here. Iconic, yeah?" he did the carlton and roy sighed blinking back at him until Ted sat back down.

"I never know how to react when a grown man does the Carlton in front of me."