Paris / Ted Lasso

88. Mold Me

"I'm so sorry Ted." 

"No, its okay." Ted assured kissing Birdie's head. 

"I dont know where she caught this. I wanted to be there for you and she did too." Poppy added. 

"It's okay, he will be on the team today is just a hello and welcome day, nothing to worry about." Ted assured. 

"Your stomach was making nervous noises this morning." Poppy countered. 

"Okay I'm nervous but I dont know why, its fine, honestly. Take care of Birdie, let me know if you need me. Roy and Beard can take care of things."

"Nonsense, you are head coach. We will be fine. As long as I can get this fever down and she gets some rest I'm sure she will be fine."

"Let me know how she is doing when she wakes up." Ted requested holding onto poppy. 

"I will." Poppy agreed. "Good luck today." 

"You feeling okay?"

"A little bit nervous. Um, had some diarrhea earlier this morning. Uh, please don't put that in the book." Higgins added.

"Oh, I've never been clear on the spelling, so I probably won't." Treat mused.

"D-I-A, double R, H-E-A. Except in England, you have a silent O, as in, "Oh, no, you've got diarrhea." Beard answered

" I'm in the same boat, Higgy bear." Ted assured. "My tummy's got more knots in it than Wayne's World and smooshed together. I don't know why. I've been around great athletes all my life. Heck, Roy, you're a great athlete."

"Eh, not like Zava." Roy corrected.

"Oh, come on, don't sell yourself short. If anything, sell yourself tall and get it altered later." Ted decided.

"No, Zava's different. Just watch."

"We can't just watch. We got to make this fella part of the team. Coaching a superstar can't be all, "How do you solve a problem like Maria? Although, if you ask me, the Nazi were the real problem in that story. Am I right, Coach?"

" Yeah. Come on, Mother Superior, let's have a little perspective." Beard agreed.

"Yeah, exactly, yeah. Sorry, Roy, I know you don't like all this musical theater talk this early in the morning."

"No, I'll allow it." Roy assured. "I used to fancy Julie Andrews. Well, I still do, to be fair. The voice, the eyes, the way you know she'd tell you off if you'd been bad."

"Yeah." The men agreed.

"All right, we gotta do it. All-time favorite Julie Andrews character. Go!" Ted demanded.

"Fuck it. Maria!" Roy shouted.

" Resolute as always. Coach, what you got?"

" Eliza Doolittle."

"Ooh. Audio-only performance, I love that." Ted agreed. "Professor Higgins."

"Come on you Poppins!"

"Mm-hmm, same, I'm right there with you. Trent, you have one? You don't have to. You got one?"

"Clarisse Renaldi, Queen of Genovia." Trent answered. 

"Oh." Ted imitated an explosion with his hands. "Poppy and Birdie love that movie."

"Fuck yeah, Princess Diaries."

"I want to go to the game, mama." Birdie whispered. 

"It's not a game, and we will put the conference on the tellie honey." Poppy remarked. "You are not feeling good."

"I want to be there for daddy." Birdie countered. 

"He wants you snuggled up in bed with me." Poppy assured. 

"can we watch Scooby Doo until it starts?" Birdie questioned. 

"That sounds like a great idea." Poppy agreed flipping streaming stations. "You hungry? Want some cream of wheat? Some tea?"

"Chocolate milk?" Birdie requested. "Hot chocolate?" 

"Okay, I will be right back." Poppy agreed kissing her forehead. "Your tummy can handle chocolate?" 

"Um..." Birdie deflated. 

"How about some toast to start and see if your tummy likes it." 

" Wow. Wow. This is nice. I can't believe it's really happening. When I was a boy, I played in Zava boots, I slept in Zava boots, I made love for the first time to Zava boots." Dani remarked.

"Think you mean "in Zava boots." Jamie countered.

"No." Dani corrected.

"Hey, you know, last night at the restaurant, as the painters were finishing up, I spent a very pleasurable hour on YouTube watching Zava's greatest goals. By the end, my head was spinning. Though it may also have been the paint fumes." Sam admitted. "The way Zava moves on the pitch..." sam whooshed around. "Like a panther."

" So sexy, eh?"

"Sound a bit gay, bruv."

"Well, I'm gay..." Colin agreed.

"Huh?"

"... for Zava, I mean." Colin assured awkwardly.

"That's true. Some men have a charisma that transcends orientation."

"Zava is definitely one of those charisma unicorns."

"Hurry up and get dressed. We don't wanna keep our newest teammate waiting." Ted called out. 

"Where is Poppy?" Keeley questioned. 

"Who's poppy?" Shandy countered. 

"My friend Poppy Welton, I'm sure I told you about her." 

"Nah, I dont like Poppy seed so I dont think I would-"

"Where the hell is he?" Rebecca demanded.  "Leslie! We do have a signed contract, don't we?"

"Of course. We have an e-signature. That's legally binding. I think... I'll make a call." Higgins came back a moment later with a pinched expression. " His agent hasn't heard from him, but... ... she's tracked his phone which is currently in Mykonos. "

"If he has changed his mind again, I'm going to look like an absolute arsehole." rebecca muttered.

" Maybe we can try and cheer them up somehow?"

"Do you want me to take my shirt off and run across the pitch?"

" You must be Shandy."

"Shandy's shadowing me for the day. To get the hang of things, you know?" Keeley agreed. 

"Ah poppy," Rebecca answered her phone. 

"Hey I know this is bad timing," Poppy remarked. "But did you look at the signature?" 

"No. Why?" Rebecca questioned. 

"I figured since he wasnt there..."

"Poppy!"

"He signed you're welcome. not his name." Poppy remarked. "We dont have a contract with him."

"All these people..." Rebecca huffed out a breath. "I wish you were here right now to calm me down Poppy."

"Birdie still has a fever I might take her to the doctor if shes still running hot after a nice bath..."

"Oh poor thing." Rebecca added. 

"Good luck with Zava."

After hours of waiting and hours of a sick and tired Birdie both were looking up. Rebecca found zava in her office and after a long nap on the couch with cartoons playing Birdie woke sweaty but her fever broke. 

"This is your manager."

"Hey, how you doing? I'm Ted Lasso."

" My leader, I am an empty vessel filled with gold." Zava declared. "I am your rock. Mold me."

" Well, hey, if you score goals like you talk, we gonna be just fine, buddy."