Paris / Ted Lasso

56. What A Doughnut

"Jamie Carragher sent me flowers." Roy griped. "We fucking despised each other when we played, now he's sending me flowers. How the fuck does he know I love white orchids?"

"Roy, it's only natural to be a bit nervous and who doesnt love a good white orchid?" Emilia assured. 

"I'm not nervous. There's nothing scary about this." Roy corrected. "There's no defense in TV."

"Well, what is it then?" Poppy questioned setting up her phone on her desk, she watched his face shift in the frame as he shifted from foot to foot. 

"It's just... What if... What if everyone thinks I'm shit?" Roy questioned meeting her gaze.

"Since when do you care what people think?" She demanded ""You're Roy fucking Kent."

"Ready for Mr. Kent." a voice said with a knock on the door.

"Roy Kent! Roy Kent! He's here! He's there-" Poppy sung out. 

"I gotta go. Thank you." Roy agreed. 

"I'm watching! Knock em dead roy!" Poppy declared before hanging up. 

" And we're on in five seconds. Four, three, two."

"What a match! Manchester United beat Chelsea 4-nil in a result that drops Chelsea out of the European places and lands United in the top three, for now."

"Chris, was this a case where United won the match or that Chelsea lost it?"

Roy shifted in his seat, he was a talk show man now, he was talking about football with these idiots.

"He looks so uncomfortable." Poppy said as Ted came in. 

"Oh whatcha watching, hey its Roy!" Ted declared. 

"It is Roy, he's hosting now. Keeley convinced him." Poppy agreed. "But its not the job for him even though he is going to kill it."

"United just had that extra sharpness in the final third, but I thought both teams played really well."

" George?"

"A real even battle. You know, it's football at its finest."

"Roy Kent, ex-Chelsea legend joins us. Welcome, Roy." he grunted in answer. "Right.. What did you think? Did your former club play well?"

"No. I thought they played like shit." Roy corrected.

"Yep thats a roy answer." Poppy agreed with a laugh. 

"Mummy he's on the tellie!" Birdie declared. "He's cussing on Tellie too!" 

"our apologies to the viewing audience. Roy Kent with some salty language. Would you care to elaborate, Roy?"

"All right. Chelsea was shit today." Roy agreed. 

"Watching them, you'd never know they were playing at home. They were too timid. They were too respectful of United. They were lucky they didn't lose by three or four or ten." Roy went on.

"That's harsh, Roy. United's been on a good run recently."

"Who gives a shit, Chris?" Roy barked back. "That's no excuse to play like you're afraid of 'em. You could see it in their faces: abject terror. Like children waiting in line for the handsy Father Christmas. Have some fucking pride in your shirt or don't fucking wear it." The viewers laughter filled the news room.

"Oh God this is perfect! Roy the commentator an honest commentator!" Poppy declared. 

"I should be glad he isnt talking on Richmonds performance." Ted offered. 

"Roy Kent, you fucking legend!"

"Again, we apologize for almost every word Roy just said."

"I think I want Jamie back." Ted blurted out. Poppy glanced at him looking away from the television. 

"You do? I thought... never mind go on and tell me." Poppy instructed, Ted chuckled. 

"I was just... when I spoke with Jaime and then with Sam... it got me thinking..."

"ABout fathers?" Poppy deduced. 

"Yeah. Jamie has a bad one." Ted remarked. "He needs a good team, a good group of people that want to see him succeed but dont care if he fails, safe place." Poppy didnt know what to say, Ted had a way with words. 

"Then get Jamie back."

"You think you could... dig into that for me? I have to run it by Beard but..."

"I will get things started and if you want to pull the plug no worries." Poppy assured. "I wont hit submit until you are sure." 

"Thanks Poppy." he kissed her cheek before heading back to the locker room. 

"Now, before y'all bounce, I do have one piece of football business we need to discuss." Ted admitted. "And that is Jamie Tartt's future with this team."

"I thought that was settled." Higgins countered.

"Well, I did too." Ted agreed. "Then I was talking to Sam, and he unsettled it."

" Sam wants Jamie back?"

"No, no." Ted assured. "Sam just reminded me that he himself has got a great dad. Not everyone has that. And isn't the idea of "never give up" ted looked around the office "one of them things we always talk about in sports? And shouldn't that apply to people too? Two aces is very tempting. Could be exactly what we need." Ted offered Beard watched him cautiously. "But it could also ruin morale to have someone in here just belittling everyone all the ti..."

"Will! Will! Not beneath the lockers. On the bench, man. Come on." Nate shouted at the new kit man.

"Sorry."

"What a doughnut." Nate muttered.

"What was I saying?" Ted questioned.

"What about you, Coach?"

"PRO: He's a great player. CON: He's a poop in the punch bowl."

"All right, Diamond Dogs, as canines, we are supposed to lack opposable digits. But right now I'm gonna ask you: thumbs up or thumbs down?"