( chapter )
fifty-eight
tw: mentions of abuse
CASSIOPEIA BLACK OPENED HER eyes, blinking away the stray tears that still rested between her lids. She could feel the stickiness of her cheeks from where tears had dried the previous night. Her head was throbbing, every time she blinked a short pain shot through her head.
Cassies head was still resting on James' chest. Her ear pressed up against his heart, which was beating in her ear, each beat giving her a sense of comfort.
A small smile graced her lips.
She'd finally done it. She told someone, and it felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted up off her shoulders. She didn't regret it, not at all. She knew that telling someone wouldn't solve all her problems, there was nothing James could do to help and she didn't want his pity, she hated pity. But she felt that telling someone had been a step in the right direction, however, she didn't yet know what that direction was.
She was also relived, she had told James and he hadn't been cross at her. He had just held her while she told him. He didn't interrupt once, letting her speak. And she would forever be greatful for that, as she could tell by his body language that he was cross. The way he seemed to flinch as she spoke, the way his jaw was clenched as she looked up at him. That he held onto her as if he were never going to let go.
Cassie sat up, looking at the small clock on James' bedside table as she did so. She ran a hand though her hair, trying to detangle some of the ends.
"Morning love." James said, sitting up aswell and reaching for his glasses.
Cassie frowned as she saw the small bags under his eyes, she reached forwards and placed her hands either side of his cheeks, her thumbs gently rubbing the skin under his eyes.
"You didn't sleep last night." She stated, frowning more as James pulled away from her, placing his glasses on his face, the rims slightly hiding the bags.
James shook his head, grabbing her hand and intwining his fingers with hers and giving her hand a slight squeeze.
"I did, I slept like a baby."
She stared blankly at him.
"Thats stupid, babies don't sleep well." She rasied an eyebrow at him. James shook his head, giving her a small shrug.
"I'm fine, honestly." Cassie leant forwards and kissed his cheek before pulling back.
The two of them sat cross legged on James bed, facing the other and not saying a word. They sat like that for a few moments, neither of them knowing what to say.
James couldn't help but admire Cassie, the way that she had gone though all of that alone. The way that she was so strong though it all. He couldn't even begin to imagine the pain that she had been in, and he never wanted her to feel it again. He wanted her to come and stay with him and Sirius, but he knew that she wouldn't. As she had said the previous night, she was trying to protect Regulus and she always would.
"Guess that's a birthday I'll never forget." Cassie said letting out a hollow laugh. James didn't return the laugh.
"Cass. . ."
"Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"With pity."
James frowned as he looked at her, shooking his head as he did so.
"I hate pity, it makes me feel weak." She said, frowning too as she looked down at her lap.
James reached forwards and grabbed her hand once again, instantly she gave his hand a squeeze.
"I'm not going to lie love, I do pity you." She looked up at him, her jaw clenched slightly.
"But not because I think you're weak. You're the strongest person I know, and what you told me last night proved that. I admire you, I can't even imagine to believe the pain that you feel, but you put up with it because you want to protect your brother. That's why I don't think you're weak." Cassie pouted slightly, a few butterflies making their way into her stomach.
"I pity you because you've never known what it's like to be loved by your parents, and I hate that, so fucking much." Cassie felt a few tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, she forced them not to fall.
"Cassie, come stay with me, Regulus can come too-"
"No."
"Love. . ."
She shook her head, wiping the few tears that were slowly making their way down her cheeks.
"No, I can't. Reggie would never want to leave, he, I don't know why, but I know he won't want to leave, and I'm not going anywhere without him."
James ran a hand through his hair in frustration, but he took a deep breath, calming himself down.
"Cassie, I know you're protecting Regulus, but you can't protect him if you die. And that's whats going to happen if you stay in that place." She shook her head once again, looking up at James who frowned more as he saw the tears swimming in her eyes.
"I don't care, I'd rather die protecting Regulus than have him die alone in that place." James ran his hand through his hair yet again, shaking his head slowly.
"But I care! I care if you die! I don't want you dying for your brother!"
"You don't understand! You wouldn't." Cassie yelled back, shaking her head, she took a breath as she began to talk quietly.
"Regulus looks up to me, I can't look weak infront of him, and I love him too much to leave him there."
James took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry for yelling, but Cassie, I can't loose you. And I know you feel like you have to protect Regulus, but trust me when I say that sometimes you have to put yourself first. Sometimes you have to save yourself before you can save others."
He took a small breath.
"You're not going to be able to help Regulus if you can't help yourself. You can't push your limits with something like this, what if they take it too far one day? That they keep you under the spell for a moment too long?"
Cassie wiped the rest of tears and shook her head.
"I know, you think I don't worry about that? I do every time I step foot into that house, every time I sleep or blink my head is filled with all these images of myself being tortured until I can't breath anymore, or until I die. And I can't deal with it anymore."
She began to cry again, the tears coming heavy and fast, not stopping as James quickly pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her close.
"Love." He said, instantly running his hand up and down her back.
He held her once again as she cried, not letting her go even when her sobs turned to small sniffles.
"Cassie, they're ruining your life." She nods gently as James thumb wiped away the tears under her eyes.
"I know you're not going to leave Regulus, but promise me one thing." James said, a small frown on his face as he looked down at the girl who looked up at him with teary eyes.
"What?"
"If they crucio or even look as if they are going to crucio you, promise me you'll come and stay with me. Please."
Cassie looked down.
She didn't know what to say. Everything James had said was right, and she knew that.
She knew that she had to put herself first sometimes, she would be no help to Regulus if something awful happened to her. But it didn't mean that she didn't want to help him, she had to help him but to do that she also had to help herself.
Regulus was her brother, and while she couldn't leave him, she knew that she wasn't safe at Grimmauld Place, she never had been, but she still couldn't leave Regulus there alone.
Her mind was like a merry-go-round, going round in circles as she tried to make up her mind. But no matter what she thought she couldn't make up her mind on whether to promise James, or not.
The mirror. She thought, the glass instantly coming to mind as she looked at the other piece that was sitting on Sirius' bed.
Her eyes widened slightly as she realised that if she were to give Regulus the mirror, then she could leave but not leave him properly. She would still be with him whenever he needed her to be, she would be there.
She looked back up at James.
"I promise."
But, promises were made to be broken.
･・･☽✥☾･・･
... GUESS WHO IS BUYING
A NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
PHONE CASE AFTER SMASHING
THEIR CAMERA :D
(if you said me then you're
the winner)
ANYWAYS
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS
CHAPTER, IT WAS PURE JASSIE
AND I LOVED IT
NEXT CHAPTER WILL
BE MORE WITH OTHER
PEOPLE AND I HAVE A PLAN
NOW SO IT MAY COME
OUT SOON-ISH
AS USUAL, PLEASE
TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT
AND WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE
TO SEE NEXT
UNTIL NEXT TIME
- EMILY XX