This morning Lonzo took me to go shopping for the baby since Melo has practice and Gelo has rehab. I would ask one of the girls to come with me but they know as much I do about this stuff so I thought it was better to ask Mr. Know It All.
I thought things were already bad enough as they were with the whole BBB situation, but everything went even more south a few days ago when Lavar called a meeting with everyone of the team and Lonzo. I guess it's safe to say that Lonzo won't be attending any family diners or any other activities because Lavar was MAD mad and he said things he shouldn't have said. I'm proud of Lonzo for standing his ground though because that's something no one has done before.
Last night I stayed at Lonzo's so he didn't have to come to Chino to pick me up just to go back to LA again. He's practically avoiding his pops at this point and him picking me up means he needs to come inside because Tina still wants to see him, but I know that the moment Lavar sees Lonzo he'll start a discussion again so I cooperated and just stayed the night at his place. To be honest I decided to stay the entire weekend because Melo has to go to practice almost everyday and I really want this shit for the baby to be done, I'm 6 months right now and I know that if I don't buy everything right now I'm gonna be stressing and rushing when I'm almost due. I also need a break from Lavar talking about how wrong Lonzo is.
"Oh my god, NO! I'm not gonna go back and buy that orange chair Zo, the entire room is blue and white" I exclaimed.
"I don't see what's wrong with it" Lonzo shrugged while carrying a box with stuff for the baby room inside.
"Yeah you never see a wrong in things, that's your problem" I rolled my eyes as I walked in after him and closed the door behind me.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He frowned and shot me a look.
"You know exactly what that's supposed to mean" I said.
I'm not mad at him anymore for the whole cheating on Denise situation and never telling me, but every now and then I have to let him know I haven't forgotten about it either.
"Bruh are you ever gonna let that go?" He rolled his eyes and placed the box in the hallway before following me to the living room.
"I don't know" I shrugged.
I walked to the kitchen to get a water bottle from the fridge.
"Denise forgot about so why can't you?" He asked annoyed.
"Zo, Denise didn't just forget about it. If you really think that, than you're a dumber than I thought" I said.
"She never talks about it and she acts just like she did before the whole situation" He walked to the couch and let himself fall down on it.
"Yes because she's desperate Zo. She wants this relationship to work so bad, it's not even healthy anymore. I understand where she's coming from because if me and Melo will ever go through a rough patch I would want to work it out too just because we're gonna have a child together and I love him, but if it won't work it's over and that's something Denise needs to understand" I explained.
"Our relationship is just fine right now"
"Yea right. Zo you don't like her anymore, don't even try to deny it. Al the shit you are doing for her right now is because she's the mother of yo child" I said before taking a sip of my water.
He didn't say anything back because he knows I'm right. I mean come on I'm 17 but it feels like I'm the adult here.
I walked back to the living room and sat down next to him on the couch.
"I don't blame you for losing feelings, Denise has changed and it's very noticeable. But you're wrong for staying with her 'just because', while knowing damn well you don't like her anymore. You're getting her hopes up for nothing and trust me the poor girl doesn't need that right now cuz I feel like she's slowly losing it" I told him.
"At first I was just trying to make our relationship work but.. I realized it won't work out unless we both change so I just- You know, stay with her for the sex.." He admitted.
"And trust me I know that's wrong, but Denise ain't a saint either. She keeps on doing shit that makes me so fucking mad and I'm so sick and tired of it, like give a nigga a break man" He continued.
He's not wrong because Denise indeed does shit that annoys everyone. It all started with the deadbeat comment, that was the moment where a lot of people within the family and friend group started to dislike her and I don't think they every changed their minds. Most of the guys just ignore her or act nice for Lonzo's sake but in reality they hate her.
"I think it's time you have a serious talk with her and tell her how you're really feeling. I seriously think she's having a burnout or something, she needs to find herself again and not only for her own sake but also for Zoey's" I stated.
"Yeah I know" He sighed.
"You growing up now huh? No childish shit anymore" He looked at me with a small smile.
"I have to" I mumbled while looking down at my belly.
"You've always been more mature than other people your age tho" He said while turning the tv on.
"I know but.. This is different, I can't do reckless shit anymore like I use to do before I got pregnant" I said quietly.
A sudden wave of emotion came over me. Feelings that I never rarely about came to the surface, and I wish they didn't.
Damn pregnancy
"Aye don't be sad. I might be regretting a lot of shit I did with Denise right now, but having Zoey is definitely not one of them. Having a child is honestly the greatest gift you can ever receive. I know it sounds corny and to be honest I didn't believe it either when people told me but it's true. Yeah you have to grow up faster and you can't do all the dumb shit you used to do before but it's worth it in the end" Lonzo said.
I threw my head back and stared at the ceiling while letting out a deep breath.
"I'm scared Zo" I whispered.
"Of what?" He asked.
"I'm scared of becoming a mom" I finally admitted it to someone.
I've been scared for a good minute I just never told anyone because I didn't want to make them think I'm not ready for this, even tho that's exactly what's going on right now.
"Why? You're good with Zoey and she's one bad ass kid" He tried to make me feel better.
"It's not just that, I'm scared of giving birth.. I'm scared of the pain and knowing that there's a possibility that things can go south. What if die or what if something happens that leaves my baby disabled for the rest of his life?" I nervously play with my bracelet.
"I'm scared of becoming a mom because, what if I resent not being able to spend my time the way I want to anymore? What if I slip in a period of depression again because I just don't know how to cope with my new life?" I could feel the tears coming and there wasn't much I could do to stop them.
"I'm worried that I'll say the wrong things out of frustration or that I'll lose my shit with him and make him feel unwanted. I don't want him to feel like I felt all those years when I lived with my parents cuz my mom treated my like shit, I'm terrified of becoming her.. I don't want my son to go through the things I went through, I don't want him to feel like shit every day and I don't want to be the reason why he's crying at night. I'm so scared of becoming my mom Zo" I whispered the last part as the tears rolled down my face.
"Hey hey, calm down" He wrapped his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder.
"Yes it's scary, but going to the dentist alone for the first time is scary too. You learn how to cope with new things and routines in your life, sure things could go wrong while giving birth but you need to stop thinking about all that. There can go so much wrong in life and you're not thinking about that either. I can fall and break my neck at any moment of the day but why think about it? That's only gonna hold you back from doing things you like" He said.
"Yeah I know" I sniffed and laid my head on his shoulder.
"And I know for a fact that you're gonna be a good mom, I've never been so sure of something in my life before. Being a parent isn't easy and we all make mistakes, but we also learn from them. You saw how Denise was when Zoey was just born, she didn't know what she was doing and neither did I but it will come naturally and you have a lot of people here to help you out. There's not one parent in this world that didn't fuck up at least once, trust me. You just have to be the best version of yourself, love your kid and make sure your he is taken care of " He stated.
"Thanks" I wiped my nose and just sat there with him while looking at the tv.
It's moments like this where I realize we're all actually getting older and growing up. Two years ago I wouldn't be having this conversation with Lonzo because he wasn't even a father himself back then.
Growing up isn't that much fun when you reach a certain age or when you realize certain things in life. I actually hate it and I'm only 17.. I used to despise everyone over the age of 21 because they can do whatever the fuck they want and there aren't any limits. But now I feel sorry for them, because they're only 9 years away from being 30 and they have a lot more struggles in life then I already have.
"ANYONE HOMEE??" We heard Dmo yell while entering the house.
"Stop yelling fat boy, we're right here" Lonzo said making me laugh.
"First of all I'm not fat I just gained a lil weight" Dmo responded while placing grocery bags on the kitchen island.
"A little? Bro I bet you weigh almost as much as Gelo at this point, look at that belly poking out! Ion know who's really 6 months pregnant here Chay or you" Lonzo pointed at Dmo's stomach.
If only Gelo was here right now to complete this lil roast session.
Later that day
Just like us, just found out that Lonzo is officially getting traded and it's a chaos. We could barely leave the building because of all the paparazzi/fans bombarding all of us with questions about the trade.
We were standing in the parking lot along with Gelo and Anthony, waiting for Melo to get here since he just finished his game. The other family members were here too but we were standing in groups because Lonzo and Lavar were still not talking.
"I'm tryna think of the closest gym near our house" Dmo crossed his arms.
"That's the least of yo concerns right now" I said, also crossing my arms.
"We shoulda stayed our asses in Marina. I'm saying, we moved a lot of shit for no reason" Lonzo shook his head.
"They gon U-Haul yo shit" Gelo said.
"Ion think you know where New Orleans is" Lonzo looked at him.
"I do. It's by the midpoint of the US" Gelo responded as if he actually knew what he was talking about.
I gave him a weird look and shook my head while Lonzo laughed.
"I don't know where that is, I ain't gon lie to y'all" He said with a laugh.
"Dumbass"
"Big baller boutta be BORED" Lonzo swung his arms back and forth.
"He gon be sad, no cap" Gelo said.
Before anyone else could speak, we heard Melo screaming while walking up to us. He is always so loud for no damn reason.
"Sup dawg" Dmo said while dabbing Melo up.
"Sup family members" Melo dabbed the others up and gave me a kiss.
He had a little bowl with ice cream and gave me a bite without me even having to ask for it.
Whatta man
"Big baller hot" He said before licking his ice cream.
"Why?" Gelo asked.
That was a dumb question because we all knew why he was mad. His first son just got traded and has to move to New-fucking-Orleans while his other son is moving to Australia, the only one left here is Gelo. Of course he's gonna be mad.
Melo pointed at Lonzo causing him to frown.
"Fuck you pointing at me for!?" He exclaimed.
"You act like he chose to leave" Gelo said.
"I know. But I'm just saying, he hot.. You not gonna be mad if yo son leavin LA nigga, and you used to watch him?" Melo shrugged.
"Oh" Lonzo looked away.
"He's gon try to keep me for sure now. You stayin here with me! Cuz you leavin and he leavin" He imitated Lavar. "Ah that's messed up"
I rolled my eyes while Anthony and Dmo laughed.
"Can you blame him? He had all three of his sons living near him and now almost everyone is gonna be in another state or country, I would want the last one to stay too. His dream was to see all three of you playing for the Lakers, we all know that ain't happening no more" I spoke up.
"I know it sucks but he knows these things can happen, it's not like I can tell them Ion want to leave" Lonzo shrugged.
"He's definitely not mad AT you but he's just sad, and we would be too if we were in his shoes. Just like Chay said, y'all lived an hour away from each other and now he won't be able to see you unless he flies out there" Dmo stated.
After a few minutes we had to get in our cars because we were going to a restaurant like always, so I got in the car with Melo while the others got into Lonzo's car.
"I really hope this won't cause even more drama cuz everything is already fucked up enough as it is" I sighed while laying my head on Melo's shoulder as he drove out of the parking lot.
"Shits prolly is gonna be hectic for a few days but eventually everything will get back to how it was before" Melo said while placing his hand on my thigh.
I hope he's right..
"Melo your dad wants you all to stay with BBB so bad, nothing is gonna be alright unless you all agree to stay" I said.
"He just can't expect us to stay after everything that happened with Alan. And besides, I'm getting a lot of brand deal offers why would I pass on those" He said.
"I think he wants y'all to stay with the brand because that means y'all not that grown yet.. He and Tina started this brand when we were young and it's the one thing that really kept us ALL connected, but now that almost everyone wants to leave the brand in the past he probably feels like y'all will split up to go your own way" I explained.
"Yea maybe you right.. But we have to go our own ways at some point, that's life" He mumbled the last part.
"I know babe. We're growing up" I sighed.
I wish we were 14 again, life was so unproblematic back then