After Kelly and I had spoken about our conversation we went our separate ways. She and Michelle had decided to explore stores in NYC and I stayed in waiting on Jay to call. I got bathed and dressed before 10 and when I came out the shower I had a missed call from him. I didn't know if I should of called him back so quick because I didnt want to sound so desparate so instead I went downstairs for breakfast at the hotel's resturant. As I walked out the lobby the assholes from JE (Jagged Edge) were walking in. I quickly exit the elevator and placed fire at my heels and jetted of to the resturant.
I order a pancake, sausage, scrambled eggs, bacon and harshbrown with a two large orange juices. After paying for my order I headed to the exit. I became uncomfortable as I saw JE members standing at the elevator door. I didn't know wither to exit through the stairs or eat out in the lobby until they left. But after 15 minutes of waiting they didn't leave.
As I was about to head towards the stairs my phone rang and it was Jay.
"Hello." I said turning around.
"Good Morning Beautiful. I ranged your hotel phone a while ago but there was no answer whats going on?"
"I came downstairs for breakfast and I was leaving to head to the resturant and I saw the boys from Jagged Edge. I thought they were heading upstairs but instead they were still here after I had gotten breakfast and eaten and now they are still here."
"You paranoid at them or something?" He spoke through the phone as I heard a car engine roar.
"Not really. Its just that they are so annoying and they say the most uncomfortable things to me out of the blue."
"Like sexually harassing you ma?"
"Well what else? They are just a group of dope heads that have sex with any and everybody and then will force someone who doesn't want to have it with them."
"So where are I you?"
"I was about to head up to my room taking the stairs."
"Fuck no, if those boys are anything like that they will start touching you and no one takes the stairs in hotels so that means you can call for help and no one would no until its done."
"What like you think they will rape me?"
"Beyonce anything is possible with those young men especially with their little happy feet and with smooth words they the ones who do the most damage."
"Jay now I am scared."
"I'm about 5 minutes away from your hotel."
"What the fuck? I mean What the hell? No Jay you can't come here I don't want anything to be speculated between us. So don't you dear."
"I am not coming to you I am just gonna tip the security so I can go up the elevator. I am pulling in now so when you see me walk towards the elevator door then get up and follow."
"Okay If You think its gonna work."
"Pretty boys fear the name "Brooklyn" and any nigga that comes with that title so its gonna be okay. I'm walking in now."
"Okay I see ya." I said trying to hide a smile but it turned into a blushed that turn my entire face red.
As Jay walked towards the elevator door I got up with my food and headed towards it. The boys kept their position but as I started to enter Brandon held me back.
"What the fuck? Let go of my shirt you dope ass piece of shit"
"These yall boys rolling around here nah son. You raping women still tho' them under age girls who come behind the set wasn't enough huh." Jay said placing his hands between the elevator door stopping it.
"You okay Miss Beyonce?" Jay said looking my way.
"Yes. Thank you sir. Can you press the button for the fourth floor please." I said adjusting my arms while holding my drink and food at the same time.
As the elevator door closed and started moving I let out a sigh of relief as Jay took my food from my hands and insisted on taking them to my hotelroom. I then started fixing my jacket and turned my head away from him letting soft tears flow from my eyes.
The elevator door opened and I walked out putting my hoodie over my head as I walked with my head down.
"Bey? Whats wrong?" Jay said stopping at a table near the elevator.
"Nothing I'm fine."
"So tears are apart of your everyday routine. What happen did it frieghten you?"
"Just a little. If I hadn't told you and you didn't come I prolly would've had 4 dicks ramped through me one after the other. Do you no what people do to themselves after being raped or molested. Its disgusting. I never want to see their ugly faces again." I said through a lump in my throat.
Jay walked closed to me and placed his arms around me as I cried and snotted up his jersey. He held me close as he laid against the wall putting his chin above my head. We stayed like this for about 5 minutes until I let go. He then walked me to my door and placed my food in my room.
The day went by and I sat down on my bed all day thinking about Jay. I found myself admitting how much my heart gravited towards him. Before I judged Jay I wanted to know about his heart. I wanted to feed him out myself. He told me alot of things about himself and out of curiosity I still asked Rodney. I didn't quite thought Jay and I would speak for tonight so I decided to bother Rodney. He was starting to get curious about my question and finally he put two and two together and discovered that Jay was trying to get in a serious relationship so he wasn't seen with any girls for a while or messing around with the girls that work at his label.
I found it kind of hard to believe because Jay knew how to waver his way through people to make them believe he was doing right. His money did the talk and not his actions. Just like the Amil shoot. I didn't find out until today while watching MTV that she was his newly signed artist.
After the incident that took place in the lobby I was a little disturbed although tomorrow night was gonna be our last show before the two in Philly I didn't want to continue on with tour so I told my dad and he came up with a plan to end the production. So the final shows were cancelled. I hated disappointing our fans but I was afraid about what the end result would look like. Seeing that we would have an early head start on our long break we decided to headover to Houston for a while.
The night before my flight I informed Jay that I would be leaving and how we passed up on the remaining shows for the tour. It was awkward that night between Jay and I to me because I kind of felt guilty about letting my curiousity get the best of me. I wanted to approach the topic but instead I let I died down until I felt better knowing I wasn't in the same place as he was.
The next morning came quickly and I was excited to finally be in Houston, one more day and it would June which meant I would be dancing to Summer Jam! Michelle left for a family vacation to Flordia while Kelly and I headed to enjoy some southern fun. We finally landed and head straight to the car to head home. Mom and Dad had sorted out the lawsuit with Tavy and Toya and we won.
I entered our old house where it all started. It hit me there and then that I had come such a far way from where I used to be. The place I now can rest my head was a home. My home with my family.
The first day since landing went smooth. Kelly and I decided to hit the old shaking rank we used to jam at when we were little. We danced and shaked all night long and in celebration of our new found fame the owner decided to only play Destiny's Child songs.
After a while of dancing I decided to head on over to the little bar in the rank to order. I approached the counter aware of a group of cute guys. As leaned over the counter to hug the server Mikey. I released the hug landing on my feet and caught the famous Marques Houston starring at me. As I waited for my order he came over to me to say hello.
"Ms. Beyonce? Good Evening."
"Hello Mr. Houston its nice to meet you."
"The pleasure is certainly mines. Can I buy you a drink or anything to your delight?"
"Nope its fine. I already order and payed for everything; but you join me to eat if you liked?"
"Indeed um where do you wanna sit?"
"Anywhere people's breath and spit wont come in contact with my food nor will they beg.
"So maybe that would be on the outside."
"Well okay then"
Marcus and I headed outside underneath the ranks table where they had huge christmas lights wrapped around the trees. We spoke for a short time until we saw cameras flashing. We then exchanged numbers and agreed to catch a movie for a while.
Its been three days since we landed in Houston. Kelly and I both have enjoyed our fair share of enjoyment but she decided to go to LA to spend time with her mother. As for Jay and I we havent spoken since I left NYC. Whenever he called I missed it and when I call him back he would be the studio. However, Marcus and I had went out every night since I've been back.
Tonight Marcus and I had planned to go out to to the Houston Beach Night Party. It was gonna be at 7pm with a full set of DJs and food. It would be Marcus's and I first outing solo. I didn't no what to think of Mr Houston. He was very charming and smooth. Although he wouldn't be my ideal choice of a guy he was sure making me happy. I woke this morning planning our evening in my head. Although it was a beach party I decided to op out of the normal swimsuits and bikini and just wear shorts and a bikini top with sandals or a cute summer dress. I wanted to enjoy my time here because dad has been working on trying to book studio time for us.
The warm sun on this gloomy Thursday morning woke me. Mama and daddy had made me aware that they were leaving for the airport this morning and that Solange didn't want to go so she would be staying by a friend, which meant I had the house to myself. I opened my eyes fully awake and headed downstairs to warm up the breakfast my mom had left cooked for me. As I popped the home made pancakes in the macrowave to warm my cellphone rang. I was nervous because I knew it would be Jay and I had been seeing Marcus.
"Hello?"
"Hey. I finally got the chance to hear your voice. How you been?"
"I've been great enjoying my fun time in Houston. How's everything been with you?"
"Pretty much fun. I am trying to make it home to change so I am on the road now and decided to talk."
"Make it home? Where did you stay last night?"
"Um.... at a friends house."
"Was this friend Ty Ty or Dame?"
"Nah. Foxy had a party going on so I went and got myself drunk and fucked up."
"Fucked up as in sex?" I said kind of disappointed in a low tone.
"Yea. I held out for almost 3 months trying to put this beef behind and work towards my album so this time I thought I deserved it. I mean my little friend need some and I took it."
There was a long pause for about 2 minutes. I couldn't come to terms with why what he did always upset me, like when he have sext or talk to another woman or place his life in positions that could kill his career or life.
"Why do men play with girls like they are some type of toy from a slot-machine. Like you seriously gonna tell me that out of everything you could've done you chose to go to a party get wasted and just have sex with some random? Like your life and health doesn't mean anything to you."
"Look here ma, you can't be mad and upset at me. I don't have a girlfriend and I never made anyone believed they were so if I wanna fuck because my cock need it then I would and you how gonna judge me when I don't even no what you doing in Houston."
"I hope you had a great tho' so no big deal. I gotta go"
"Bey wait...Why you mad?"
"I am not mad or upset about I just thought you would've considered your heart and life and risk about what you do."
"Hmmmm... So this got nothing to do about your feelings?"
"Feelings? Jay we are friends"
"When someone is never used to this kind of attention or interest by someone then its easier for them to suspect when someone has feelings for them."
"So you think I have feelings?"
"No! I think we both do. I just think you are afraid about getting into a relationship with someone like me. I also think that you think that we won't last and that you wouldn't be enough for me. Am I right?"
I sat with the phone next to my ears as I held my left hands on top my head. It was getting awkward between us. If we both no that feelings are there for eachother how do we go on with it.
"You're right but there is a whole lot to it."
"Like what? Atleast tell me so we could no whats going on and where we go from here."
"Jay you are way to old for me. My parents won't even approve of this, Us, if there is any chance; which means if I fall for you then I envolve my heart. And I give in my all. I just don't think you can apperiate it right now. You have been hurt just a little too much and its gonna be hard for you to accept unconditional love."
"I can always try and am willing to try."
"I can't let someone like you test drive my love when you have experienced everything. I am soon to be 19 in the next few months and you will be 31. Thats 12 years of games, antics, smooth words and pretending you have over. And with love I don't really care what people say."
I heard Jay slammed a car door which assured me he reached home safetly.
"Bey, have you ever been in a relationship?"
"Yea, for 5 years. Why?"
"What was it like?"
"His name was Lyndell. We meet when I was 13 and I started to going to my now hometown church. When I meet him my parents were going through a separation because of me wanting to follow my dreams and my father work load it started to grew to much for them so my father got an apartment and my mom, sister and I stayed in our home. I went on to singing in the church choir and performing in talent shows and Lyndell was always there but my mother and father never knew not even up to this day. After I signed my huge record and had alot of travelling Lyndell got tired of the long distance and I had to hide to talk to him. He eventually had enough and wanted to experience what his friend were doing. So he went out and hooked with random girls. He told me he had sex with them five time and he was sorry but this was after I thought about giving up my virginity to him that he told me. I was too scared to have sex for the first time so I cried when he got to close and it turned him away. After he told me about the five girls and I thought we could of work it but we didnt so I never wanted a relationship I just decided to do friendships instead."
"You was willing to give up your purity for sone fuck nigga?"
"No I was willing to forgive. I was giving up my right to hurt him as much as he hurt me and just do what I thought would benefit us in moving forward."