falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 76

colby: "make-up sex is the best sex. argue with me." he looks over at me, breathless and naked as i am.
emma: "agreed." i breathed out, feeling as spent and exhausted as i'll ever be. he pulls me closer to him and wraps his arm around me, my head resting in the pivot of his muscular shoulder close to his neck.
colby: "you okay? you look like something's on your mind." he muses after a beat of silence, his voice barely a whisper.
emma: "i'm okay, just thinking about what happened earlier." you know, before you pounded the absolute shit out of me?
colby: "i'm so sorry. i shouldn't've blamed you and assumed that katrina was right. i know that you would never hurt me like that..." he pauses, "or would you?" he asks, running his fingertips along my naked back.
emma: "seriously? are you really asking me that right now?" i pop my head up, scrutinizing him. he gazes at me and smiles, pushing on the back of my neck to force my face closer to his.
colby: "i was kidding." he says matter-of-factly, kissing me softly. i shake my head with a small smile, yawning from exhaustion after i lay my head back down on him, repeating the sincerity in his voice in my head over and over.

not realizing i fell asleep, i crack my eyes open and roll over on my stomach, my face flush against the pillow as i stretch and whimper back to life. where's colby? wasn't he next to me?
emma: "baby?" i call out, my voice groggy and nasty. ew, emma. stop talking. there was no answer. i lazily get up out of bed and exit my bedroom, throwing on a fresh pair of panties before pulling one of colby's hoodies on over my head. mmm... smells just like him.
emma: "colby. are you even here?" i ask out once more, sighing when i realized that he must've left at some point while i was asleep. he's most likely out on pursuit... probably knocking and knocking on some beefy dude's head until they pass out.
katrina: "emma, hear me out." i know that voice from literally anywhere.
emma: "katrina, forget it. i don't want to hear it." i shooed her away, my intention to get her away from me failing.
katrina: "i am so so sorry. i didn't mean to-" i stopped her, effectively cutting her off.
emma: "put my relationship in jeopardy? because that's exactly what you did. him and i are good now, but if we were still arguing because of your bullshit opinions that you put in his head this morning, you'd be getting more from me than just an angry face." i snapped, watching her face droop and fall.
katrina: "and you're right. i should've kept my thoughts to myself, i had no business telling colby what i told him. no business at all." she surrendered in defeat, making me ponder.
emma: "not only that, but why would you think i still have feelings for brennen? what him and i had was a fling..." i let my words linger, watching her face fall harder as if she was playing victim, causing me to go off, "i don't like him! i don't! at all! and out of all people, i would've thought that you would've been the one to back me up on that!" i shouted, making her angry. this should be fun.
katrina: "you said you loved him, emma! when him and colby were in the alley outside of the club that night, you chose brennen! you stood in front of the blade that colby was about to drive right through him to end the feud once and for all! little did colby know, you had been fucking around with brennen after shattering his heart to pieces!" she shouted, her face so red that steam was coming out of her ears. why is she getting so protective over him?
emma: "i never loved brennen! i said i did, but only because i missed colby and i didn't know if i was going to ever leave that hell hole to see him again! he wanted colby dead! i was willing to do anything to keep that from happening! and in the alley outside the nightclub, you apparently weren't, and still aren't, aware of the look that brennen shot me when colby gave me the choice i wanted to hear! he gave me a look that reassured the fact that all it takes is a little less than three seconds to kill someone! i wasn't going to take that risk! it hurt like absolute hell, but i didn't have a choice!" i screamed, tears springing to my eyes, "colby is the only one that i ever have and ever will love with everything in me and to know that you doubt that and have the nerve to question and assume how i'm feeling about my relationship, makes me want to just kick you! i won't, but i sure as hell want to! how would you feel if you were in my situation, huh? if you were forced to leave the love of your life because you care about him too much just to let his rival come and force him to suffer befoe he puts a bullet through his head! all the heartache that comes with that! all the confusion with if you should risk him dying just to be with him! the confusion with needing to move on because you know that they probably already did even though you didn't want them to and you just want them, so you physically cannot move on! to know that they may not want anything to do with you anymore because they found someone who would never in a million years risk their life for them! to know that they found someone they feel more comfortable with even after you bit the bullet to save their fucking life! and knowing that had you not sucked it up and left whether you liked it or not and how it would've caused the one person you care about most to lose their life! knowing that had you not taken the deal, you would've never seen them smile ever again! to never see them walk through the door again when in the back of your mind you wished that it was them every time the door opened! to never be able to hear them call you "baby" again! to never hear them say "i love you" again! i wouldn't've been able to live like that! and then to finally be at peace with yourself when you guys are back in your element together after being apart for a year with secret after secret coming to the surface... someone comes in and has the audacity to tell the person you've been fighting for that you're still hung up on the man who had practically kidnapped you for the fourth time! imagine living with that regret! living with the regret that the most valuable person in your life lost theirs because of a stubborn ass decision that you had made! that's exactly why i did what i did! i didn't want to live with that! i couldn't and still can't! i don't know about you, but i would much rather live my life knowing i made the right decision not to let my favorite person in the entire universe die because of a rational decision i made! how would you feel, huh? how quickly would you forgive yourself even though you know deep down you made the right decision!" i sobbed, feeling my chest tighten at how broken my voice was. i almost made my own heart shatter from how heavy i feel. just then, a large figure jumped in front of me and brought me into their embrace, the soft cooing and hushing of the gentle man holding me giving me the answer to who it was that grabbed me. colby placed his hand on the back of my head and pushed my head further into his neck, my cries then being muffled as my chest begun to rise higher and higher from how worked up i am in this very moment. i wrapped my arms around him and grabbed his t-shirt roughly, my hands balling into a fist as his shirt drapes over my yellow knuckles that are squeezing tighter and tighter in hopes of calming myself down. colby squeezes me tighter against him and whispers in my ear peaceful things, my sobs and wails filling the air with no yield. everything i had been feeling since a year ago when all of this happened had finally come out. no one except me knew how i was feeling and now it's like the neighbors know from how loud i screamed. the walls in my apartment are thin, so i wouldn't be surprised if someone heard me. i didn't care. all i was focused on was the beautiful specimen holding me while i sobbed in his shoulder and soaked his t-shirt.
emma: " i don't know what i would've done." i cried, my words barely audible.
colby: "in what sense?" he asks sincerely, whispering in my ear.
emma: "if i hadn't taken the deal, you wouldn't be here. i wouldn't've ever gotten see your smile again and that's what i look forward to most when i see you." i sobbed louder, my voice cracking and barely loud enough to hear over my tears that are currently choking me.
colby: "hey, look at me," he leans away from me and cradles my head in his hands, my head leaning downwards to avoid eye contact with him, "baby, no. look at me," he says, forcing my head up and my eyes dragging upwards to meet his, "i'm right here. i'm not going anywhere." he gazes at me deeply, his beady blues glazing over with water.
emma: "yeah, but on this same day of last year, you wouldn't've been here. because of me. and i'm sorry it hurt you, but i couldn't live with that. i couldn't live with knowing that he could've killed you because i said i wouldn't go with him in exchange for your life." i cried, watching his eyes swell with tears without him actually shedding them.
colby: "don't be sorry. for anything. it's in the past. all that matters now is that i'm here with you and we're both on the same page. i got you, baby. okay? i got you. and i am here for the rest of our lives because i'm not going anywhere. my life isn't going to be taken from me because my motivation to make it out of anything alive, is you. as long as i have you to come home to, i will forever waltz through that door with that cheesy ass smile on my face that you love so much." he says softly, a sharpness to his tone to make sure he got his point across. i cried harder at his words, cries of happiness from the reassurance i had no idea i needed.