falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 66

weeks and weeks have gone by, everyone in the house tip toeing around me all because of the simple fact that brennen is still hiding something. it's gotten extreme. if anyone says anything remotely close to the specific subject of "family", brennen immediately shuts them down. like, for instance, kian was talking about how he wants to go visit his mom and dad. which is a sweet and simple statement, but brennen shot him down quicker than i could catch feelings along with a suspicious look in my direction. that's how you know he was quick. which is weird and it concerns me.
brennen: "good morning, my love." he comes up behind me and hugs me, kissing my neck softly. i smile cheekily and turn around to him, pressing my lips against his as we both stand in the kitchen.
emma: "good morning, handsome." i smiled, my arms around his neck.
brennen: "coffee?" he asked, pointing to the pot in curiosity.
emma: "yep, i made your favorite." i nodded, smiling when he does. and so him and i just sat around for a few hours, drinking our coffee and talking about all of the random shit that's been going on recently. all the secrets, all the sneaky text messages, all the expressions being made when i walk into the room... it all just makes me uncomfortable. it makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong and i don't know what to do. i've tried confronting them about it, but the four of them just tried to convince me that i was being ridiculous, in which i don't think i am. even telling brennen right now that i feel this way, he disregarded it. it annoys the shit out of me and i just want him to spit it out already. telling brennen that i'm going to go get dressed and cleaned up, i walk into the bedroom that's practically mine now and thumb through the closet. i find a casual all black body-con dress with thin black straps and slide into it, feeling the cozy material glue to my body. i brush my teeth and lotion my legs, doing the usual things that i do every morning. it feels like i haven't been in this room in forever, though. i've been sleeping in brennen's room and spending a lot of time with him. since him and i confessed our feelings for each other, we haven't been apart other than when he leaves for his meetings or wherever he goes.

i turn the knob of the bedroom door as i walk out fully ready for the day, but suddenly stop in my tracks when i hear my name being mentioned. i ducked back behind the tall and large piece of furniture that was in the middle of the wall by the bedroom with my belongings in it and tuned in as best i could to hear their conversation, well aware of who was talking at whichever point of the conversation.
kian: "that excuse doesn't cut it, brennen! you need to tell her! she's already suspicious!" he whispered angrily, a whisper loud enough for me to hear.
jc: "he's right, she deserves to know."
bradley: "i agree. if you really love her, then she would've known a long time ago. so, why haven't you said anything?"
jc: "it's like kian said. she already knows something is up, you're going to have to tell her eventually. telling her personally will go a lot better than her finding out on her own. believe me, i know." he said sharply.
bradley: "he makes a good point, brennen. not to mention, imagine how left out she feels right now. it's clear that we're skipping around her like horses galavanting the town but she doesn't know why and that's sad. just like you guys talked this morning, she feels like she's doing something wrong and that she doesn't belong here," he stopped suddenly before sighing, "oh, yeah. i was listening. anyways," he breathed out, "stop keeping her in the dark. she's all of our friends and she deserves to be filled in!"
what the hell is going on? get to the point!
brennen: "stop it! all of you! if i tell her that i shot and killed her parents, she'll hate me! i don't want that! i like how things are going now! not how things are going to be when she knows!" he said loudly, my heart dropping on the spot. stop... i walk out hastily, eyeing all four of them in shock. kian caught my eye and turned his head to me, his face dropping in sudden revelation, causing brennen's and everyone else's to turn in my direction.
emma: "you... you what?" i said slowly, not sure if i even heard them correctly. my heart started to beat faster and faster, my knees buckling beneath me.
brennen: "emma, i can explain." he said hurriedly and walked quickly towards me. i took a step back from him with my hand showing all five in front of me between him and i, giving him the hint to stop coming closer.
emma: "y-you killed m-my parents?" i said even slower, trying to understand and know what is actually happening and to make sure that i'm not just dreaming. tears swelled up quickly in my sockets, my face going pale once the words escaped my mouth. that was my undoing.
brennen: "yes, but it was an accident. it was a pure mistake, we went after the wrong people. it will never happen again." he said sharply, trying desperately to make this situation better.
emma: "no shit, it won't happen again! those were the only parents i had, there weren't two pairs of them for you to go and shoot the other couple! the "wrong people"? the "wrong people"! brennen, my parents! my parents are dead because you shot the "wrong people"! what the hell is wrong with you!" tears fell from my face, realization hitting me like a bus on fire. the people who brought me into this world to live the life i'm living, are gone... they may have hated me, but i still loved them regardless! and they just... poof. disappeared.
brennen: "i'm sorry, emma. i really truly am, but you said it yourself you didn't really like your parents, so everything is okay... right?" his voice hopeful and on edge, clearly scared of my reaction. oh my god!
emma: "what the fuck is wrong with you! we had our disagreements and they may have never been there for me, but i loved them! and still do! how could you even say that right now!" i cried, watching his eyes and face fall in despair.
brennen: "emma, please! i'm sorry!" he said loudly, his voice shaky like he's about to cry.
emma: "no, brennen! leave me alone!" i cried and ran into the bedroom where my things are. i slam the door behind me and fall against it, my back smoothly gliding down the wood door. i tilt my head back and cry loudly, not really knowing how to react or respond. my body wants to get up and run away, but my mind just wants me to sit down and take a breather before i go anywhere or do anything. they're gone! he killed my parents! because of this fucking job, he killed the wrong people! this situation is so majorly fucked up and i'm caught in the crossfire! god, please, just end all of this now! first, i lose colby and now the people who introduced me to the earth? what the fuck! i sob and sob, finally standing on my own two feet as i get the willpower to get my things together. i'm leaving. no excuses. no ifs, ands, or butts about it. i don't care about the consequences, i don't care that i'm leaving brennen, i don't care that i'm leaving kian, jc, and bradley. i'm leaving... i'm done! i'm done! this was all a mistake! i should've just been honest with colby from the get go! none of this would be happening! he would've found a way out of this! but it just had to be me! it just had to be me who was the stupid one! stupid enough to say i love another man when i shouldn't have! i shouldn't have said i did, because that only made me want to pursue things with him! and once i ddi, i find this out! i was wrong! this is all my fault!
brennen: "emma, please! slow down!" he said shakily, following my spastic ass around the room as i gather my belongings.
emma: "slow down? slow down, he says! how do you not see the issue here, brennen? the people who gave me the life i have and physically gave birth to me are gone! because of you! yes, we argued a lot and they kicked me out, you know this, but my love for them didn't change! it never has!" i sob, blatantly avoiding eye contact with him.
brennen: "are you leaving?" he asked, shocked and in despair. really?
emma: "yes, i am! and what about it? are you going to kill me if i do? are you going to go after the rest of my family that i don't have? my friends? who's going to die next when i leave, huh?" i scream and cry, seriously just wanting to walk away and leave this place and everyone in it behind... even brennen.
brennen: "emma, i love you! you can't leave! i made a mistake, but i'm sorry! i am! please, don't leave me!" he begged, fear evident in his voice.
emma: "stop it, brennen! if you were sorry, you would understand that i need to leave and you wouldn't be trying to stop me! whatever happened between the both of us, forget it! i hate to say it because i truly do love you, but after this, it won't be difficult to stop! i don't even want to look at you anymore, whereas this morning i wanted you to fuck me on the kitchen table! just go! get away from me!" i sob as i gather the last of my things and snatch my hidden cell phone. i fly past brennen and open the front door, my backpack in my hand with all of my belongings in it. i saunter out through the front door, running barefoot as i hold my nike slides in my hand, not having enough patience to put them on before running out. brennen called and called after me, screaming and crying at the top of his lungs, but i just ran. and didn't stop until i couldn't breathe.

i huff and puff out of breath as i approach a bus stop that appears to be empty, my chest growing tighter and tighter. i sit down and finally put my shoes on, holding my head in my hands as my tears dissipate. i just can't believe this. they're really gone... and so is brennen and the other three great people that i made friends with. leave them be, emma! they betrayed you! my subconscious shouts in protest. as my thoughts swam around uncontrollably, i was soon lost in my own head, not even trying to get a ride from someone riding down the street or asking for directions when i should be trying to find a place to sleep. it was hours later when the sun began to set, dusk appearing to be right around the corner. i take a deep breath and stand up, putting my backpack around my shoulder as i start my trek to who knows where. i have no idea where i am, so i can't exactly figure out where my apartment is from here... if it's even still okay to say that it's partly mine. everyone is probably so disappointed in me, i seriously just want to be isolated away from the world and if possible, isolated from myself. i struggle to pull my cell phone out of my backpack, seeing as there is no battery life in it whatsoever. ugh! that's the last thing i need! now that it's just about pitch black outside, it's harder to see any street signs. my eyes lit up when i saw a familiar restaurant after a few more miles of walking, recognizing it from the moment i saw it. it's the restaurant that katrina and i always eat at. that means i'm closer to home, thank god. as i walk and walk with hope in the back of my mind, i find an alley with trash built up over the top and all over the ground. the ground had oil spills and cigarette butts all over the place. i throw my bag down gently, being careful of my laptop, and sit down in the cleanest spot i can find. i don't know what to do. i can't just show up to my apartment or colby's expecting forgiveness just like that. that's just selfish and honestly, i, myself, am not even comfortable enough to do that. i know i screwed up... big time... and i'm not even expecting a hug when they find out that i'm back. i know better than that.