falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 53 (colby's pov)

sam: "where the fuck could she possibly be?" he groaned in frustration before sliding his back down the rough and jagged wall in the alley we were standing in. it was dark outside now, about 1:00 am, i'd say, and sam and i were exhausted. we were dripping sweat and we were out of breath from running for hours around the city trying to find emma.
colby: "we've looked everywhere, man." i whined, sitting down next to sam on the dirty asphalt beneath us. the alley we were sitting in was dark and quiet, the sound of crickets and LA traffic ringing unsatisfactory in our ears. there was a big overcrowded dumpster with boxes of cardboard and old food from nearby restaurants spilling out through the top. i imagine that this was probably the hotspot for homeless men or drug addicts who are unfortunate in the way that they may not have all of the so-called "luxury" that most of the individuals in LA do. i mean, even my friends and i... i wouldn't say we're exactly rich, just... lucky. we may have been forced into the gang that we ended up in, but we do make money off of it. even emma. what's mine is hers and that's period. that's it. we may not currently be together at the moment, but sam has done a marvelous job at telling me that she didn't want to. that she didn't want to end things between her and i. i partly see where he's coming from, but it still makes no sense. i agree in the fact that she had told me that she loved me dearly and then broke my heart into more than a million pieces, but disagreed when my subconscious started to yell stupid shit in my head that made me feel bad about myself. my mind wanders back to when sam had said that emma told him that she felt like she wasn't enough for me and that she never showed as much of appreciation as much as she wanted to. which is one hundred percent false, because every time i'm with her, it's like the world stops and it's just her and i. she does more than what she feels she should do and that's not right that she feels like that. it's not right that i make her feel like she could do better and she needs to do more when she's around me. i'm an asshole for that. and i admit it. that's also part of the reason i disagree with sam. it genuinely could've been my fault that she left me.
sam: "colby! hello..." he drawled out, snapping me out of my reverie. i took a deep breath and looked at him, sadness written all over my face... so sad to the point that i could feel it taking over my entire expression.
colby: "uh, yeah. sorry, just... in a zone." i shook my head, murmuring my response to sam.
sam: "no worries. are you okay?" he asked sincerely.
colby: "yeah, i'm great. i have rainbows shoved up my ass and they immediately made me happy and giddy." i said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
sam: "colby, i'm serious." he said sternly, his voice quiet but harsh. i sighed deeply and slowly closed and opened my eyes, hoping that he wasn't staring at me the way he was three seconds ago... but i was wrong.
colby: "couldn't feel worse, sammy. i feel like i've just had my soul ripped away from me and there's no way of getting it back," i paused, "she was all i had left. she was all i had to keep my mind from over stressing and overthinking and now, that's all i'm doing. i mean, shit, it's been six hours since our breakup and i'm already thinking about ways to get rid of this feeling completely. i don't like feeling empty and broken. i never have. even before we were initiated, i was like this. you know that. this is wrong. this is all so wrong. i don't know what to believe. whether she didn't mean it when she said she couldn't do us anymore and she was blackmailed or kidnapped or something, or if she genuinely meant it and never wants to see me again. what if i scared her off? what if this is all just a huge game of hide-and-seek and she just wants the attention of someone chasing after her—"
sam: "okay, one, you're rambling again. and two," he effectively cut me off, pausing for a few short seconds, "don't you ever say that she could be doing this all for attention. ever! she's probably doing this for you and you're just sitting here saying that it's a game of "hide-and-seek"? bullshit, colby! she loves you... she loves all of us! she wouldn't just up and leave for no reason!" he said, his voice raising louder and sharper as he spoke.
colby: "okay, sam! i didn't mean it! okay? i didn't mean it! i just don't know how to feel right now and apparently neither do you! i really don't even know where to look anymore! we've looked everywhere with no sign or trace of her! what am i supposed to do, huh? what are we supposed to do? all i can do right now is scream and say shit i don't mean because i can't resort to alcohol for the simple fact that i can't lose my friends on top of losing the love of my life! she could be dead, sam! and we can't do anything about it!" i cried, my voice cracking hard. before i could hear a response, sam had pulled me close to him and hugged me tight, effectively calming me down.
sam: "stop it, man. don't say that we can't find her because we will. we will find her." he patted. y back, his voice sharp. i pulled away from him and wiped my face, my subconscious telling me to stop being such a crybaby. i rolled my eyes inwardly at myself and sighed, looking up at sam.
colby: "okay, you're right. i'm sorry." i said sadly.
sam: "you may not like this, but," he paused, ripping my attention away from the pebble that was on the ground, "we need to call brennen. if he has her, then we need to figure out a way to get her back. this needs to happen."
my eyes widened in fear. no, no, no. say brennen does have her... that could make her situation worse than what it already is.
colby: "sam..." i paused, "if we call him, we're taking a huge risk. say he does have her, what'll he do to emma? he'll think that emma had said something to us about what's happening. we can't do that. we can't take that risk."
sam: "then we go to his house and see if he's there." he shrugged. really?
colby: "sam, no," i said sharply, my face creased in confusion, "...no. we don't even know where he lives and because of the simple fact that he's also part of this mafia shit like we are, he's not trackable. it's useless." i shook my head, coming to unfortunate conclusion that we may not find her. it feels like i'm in front of a humongous cement-built wall and emma is right over on the other side but i can't get to her. i can't get to her because someone or something is in the way. and it's killing me.
sam: "you have a point, but we cannot give up. not now. i feel like we're close, but not close enough. it's like she's right under our noses, we're just not looking in the right place. trust me."
colby: "well, no shit we're not looking in the right place, sam." i said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. he rolled his eyes and stood up, a sudden brightness appearing in his eyes and on his face, "come on. i think i might know where she is." he sounded hopeful. i jumped to my feet and ran after him, confused when we arrived at a bunker that looks like ours... we crouched behind the large bushes and overlooked the building.
sam: "this is brennen's and his gang's bunker." he whispered, replying to the puzzled look on my face. huh?
colby: "how did you..." i drawled out, confused. he smirked, a sneaky, sinister smile on his face, "i told you to trust me." he said cockily.
colby: "jack ass." i muttered under my breath, looking away from him. he chuckled and tapped my shoulder, grabbing my attention. i followed him up to the building and we both looked in the windows, seeing as no one was in there... well, from the looks of it. using a spare paper clip that i was praying to god was in my pocket, i picked the lock on the large metal door. i looked up at sam as i cracked open the door and smirked, "always come prepared, sammy." i said gruffly and walked inside, a cocky attitude written on my face. my face quickly dropped when i saw "emma rede" written on a white board in the far corner of the room. cautiously, i ran over to the large room and was taken aback by all of the papers thrown all over the room. it looked as if a hurricane passed through here before it vanished.
sam: "what'd you find?" he asked, the sound of the large door closing behind him.
colby: "look." i whispered in horror, pointing at the white board. the board had a row of pictures. the far left picture is of me sitting in a restaurant on my laptop, the middle picture is of emma in a short mini-cami dress at the mall with elton and... mike? oh, what the fuck? and the far right picture is of sam and katrina at a bar.
colby: "sam..." i drawled out, "when was that picture taken?" i pointed to the one of emma, kevin and mike.
sam: "oh, that was almost three years ago. i remember that day vividly. kevin and mike had took emma to the mall for a little while because stephan was angry and drunk and wanted to kill her. katrina and i met them there later that day." he said, his voice quiet and unfortunate. i still cannot believe that i hadn't met emma sooner. shit, i mean sam had said that they've all known each other for longer than six years... wish i had known that she was part of the friend group and i would've come out of my room to meet her sooner.
colby: "ugh, stephan. i wanted to kill him the day that i saw him touch emma." i said, gritting my teeth in anger. he sighed and we examined the board a while longer. the picture of sam and katrina had a huge question mark written in sharpie on it and my picture had two circles written in sharpie on it: one huge outer circle, a smaller inside circle and a closed, colored in dot in the very center of the circles. it looked like a target... like one of those things you use at a shooting range or an archery session.