falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 39

colby didn't say anything. he was upset... but i mean, do you blame him?
emma: "you said i didn't love you and that i never cared about you and never will." he huffed put a breath.
colby: "why would i say that?" he whispered, to himself, i think.
i stood up in front of him, as we were both on the end of the bed letting our feet dangle off the edge of the mattress, and wrapped my arms around him. his head buried right in between my breasts, but i didn't care. i put my hand on the back of his head and played with the small of his hair at the nape of his neck while his arms wrapped around my waist as he held me tight.
colby: "i'm so sorry, emma. what the fuck was i thinking? i promise i didn't mean anything by it, emma. i would never say that to you. it was the alcohol, i swear." he rambled, crying.
emma: "hey, hey. try to relax. it's okay..." i said calmly. his grip got tighter out of distress. ugh, i miss him. i had pulled away from him and i crouched down in front of him, seeing his head was hang low. he looked miserable. i actually felt really horrible.
emma: "baby, listen to me." his sad eyes jerked to my own. shit, i just called him the infamous pet name. i said talk to him, emma, not give in to him, my subconscious snaps, once again.
emma: "it's okay. please, don't cry." i begged, cupping his cheek with my right hand. i put my left hand on his knee so i could balance myself. if he keeps crying, i'm going to want to take him right back.
colby: "but it's not okay, emma. that wasn't me talking, it was the alcohol. i swear to you that i never meant any of it. and as far as being compared to your abusive ex, i'll do anything to prove to you that i am nothing like him." his tears choked him. oh, so he remembers that?
emma: "get some sleep, okay?" i spoke gently, frustrated that he brought that up.
colby: "i can't get sleep over this, emma! i hate myself! i lost the love of my life over fucking alcohol!" he shouted, i think at himself. i flinched at his loud voice.
emma: "hey, stop this." i whispered calmly. he gazed back up at me, tears falling down his face, his big, blue eyes glazed over with sadness and emptiness.
colby: "i am so severely sorry, emma." he sounded as if he was pleading.
emma: "it's okay. try to get some sleep, please."
no, it's not fucking okay...
he sniffed and crawled into his bed under the covers. i walked over to him and wiped his tears before kissing his cheek. again, it was out of habit. what the hell is wrong with me? he closed his eyes and i watched him for a second. i honestly really do think he's genuinely sorry. and i believe when he says that he doesn't quite remember what all happened and what all was said because he was super drunk. i've been that drunk before and couldn't remember shit from the pervious day. so, i do believe him on that part. it took everything in me not to just curl up next to him and pretend that everything was fine. i told myself no before quietly walking out of his room. he did look ten times better than what he looked a couple days ago, though, so that's progress... right? i frantically walked back downstairs while everyone was in the living room.
sam: "what did colby say?" he said quickly, his gaze meeting my own.
emma: "he's really upset. he said that he doesn't remember anything of what he said and that he would never say that to me... he swore it was the alcohol."
elton: "maybe he is truly sorry..." he said sheepishly. i looked up at him and he had the most sympathetic look on his face.
kevin: "do you miss him?" i jerked my attention to him in shock. did he really just ask that?
emma: "more than i should..." i sighed.
elton: "let him fix things between you two."
sam: "i agree with elton. he came to me while you were in the shower and getting changed and said that he desperately wants to fix things with you... he just doesn't know how," he paused, "he's nervous."
nervous? exactly like the first day i met him, this big bad ass guy was nervous? around me? still?
kat: "just be mindful and be sure to watch for red flags."
i'm going to be honest, they gave me the advice i wanted to hear. i didn't want to hear them say "stay away" or "he's just messing with your head". i wanted to hear exactly what they said.
emma: "i guess..." i tried to hide my smile.
kevin: "if you're not sure, then don't lead him on." he warned. i am beyond sure that i want him back.
emma: "i'm positive." i smiled weakly, trying to hide my amusement. everyone smiled, looking at me. why are they smiling?
kat: "who wants to go clubbing tonight?"
way to switch the conversation, katrina.
everyone agreed and cheered... except me.
emma: "count me out." sam looked at me in exasperation.
sam: "what? why?" he looks at me as if i've grown two heads.
emma: "uhm... because if we go then we have to leave colby out."
everyone smiled at me sympathetically, elton's proud smile being more pronounced than anyone else's.
kevin: "well, then you're watching the house tonight while we go have fun." he laughed, causing everyone to giggle.
sam: "what time is it right now?"
kat: "almost five o'clock." already?
emma: "holy shit, time flies." i mumbled to myself.
i guess we've been watching movies a lot longer then what i thought.
kat: "i'm going to go get ready. we'll leave in about an hour...?"
everyone nodded and went their separate ways to get dressed and ready. i sat on the couch on my phone, trying to waste time, and before i knew it, everyone walked out of their rooms all dressed up.
kat: "bye, emma! we're leaving!" she shouted excitedly.
emma: "bye, guys!" i smiled. everyone waved good-bye and walked out. i walked into colby's room, hoping he was awake. i want to talk to him... badly. just a civil conversation. i entered quietly and my mouth dropped when i witnessed him laying on his back with something that i wasn't sure of that was sticking up, printing through the blanket. i moved a tad bit closer and saw his eyes closed... his lip under his teeth. oh...
colby: "hmm, emma." he moaned. i felt the familiar spark tingle throughout my body, causing me to clench my legs. my face turned red, but no matter how it affected me, i couldn't help but laugh. his eyes shot open, his face turning crimson as he sat up to face me.
colby: "w-what are you doing here?" he said nervously, stammering out every word.
emma: "i was coming to lay with you... but i guess i interrupted something." i laughed.
colby: "it's not funny." he scrubbed his face.
emma: "it kind of is, but okay." i grinned, taking a couple steps back so that i was leaning on the trim of his door frame.
colby: "anyways, what did you need?" the sound of his voice told me that i definitely interrupted something...
emma: "i'll come back in a few minutes." i giggled and turned on my heel to walk out.
colby: "you sure?" he called.
emma: "positive." i closed the door, as if on cue to what i said. i shook my head at myself, chuckling, and decided to go down to the gym and workout for once. just to get my anger and anxiety out. i entered the oversized gym in the bunker and went over to the punching bag. i slipped on the gloves that were laying next to it before punching it a few times, letting my anger out. the more angry i got, unexpected tears started to form in my eyes. i punched some more, getting more and more stressed and angry, and before i knew it, i was balling my eyes out like the little bitch that i am. everything with colby and everything with corey and mike... it's all catching back up to me. all of it. word for word of every argument that colby and i had during the past couple days, the day that mike had basically kidnapped me, and when corey had shot me trying to hurt colby. even the arguments with katrina popped unwelcome into my already blurred mind. i ripped off the gloves and wiped my face but the tears kept coming. i slid down the wall and brought my knees to my chest and sobbed, burying my head underneath my arms. my breathing was heavy from punching and my chest was tight from sobbing as loud as i possibly could. it had been a few dreadful minutes before i felt a strong pair of hands pull my face up. i opened my eyes, trying to clear my blurry, wet eyes, and colby was gazing at me, concern and worry etched on his face.
colby: "come here." he said softly, bringing me into a hug. i adjusted my legs so that they were laying next to him and just sobbed in his chest. i was now too upset to even tease him about what i walked in on him doing. all i wanted to do right now was beat the punching bag until i dropped to the floor.