falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 56

colby: "emma, really? after all that we've been through. you just go throw it all away? what the actual fuck! i've been looking for you for months and you tell me you screwed the man who kidnapped you, not once, but twice! everything you said about never hurting me... you lied!" he shouted, tears streaming his face. no, no, no!
emma: "don't you ever say that! i meant everything i said and still do! i love you, not him! that was simply because i was having a fucking breakdown about missing you and i didn't know how to let off steam! i'm sorry, bub! i am! it was a mistake and i see that now!" i screamed, tears spilling down my cheeks.
colby: "don't call me "bub". in fact, don't call me at all! don't text, don't show up at my house, don't contact me ever again." his voice was rough and harsh. shit.i felt my stomach drop six feet into the earth where i deserve to be buried right now after how i treated him.
i snickered, tears falling onto my lips from my eyes, "i did this for you. i left to live with brennen because he was going to kill you. to kill sam. to kill katrina. to kill everyone we had ever known. it was game over, colby!" my voice had risen from a three to ten in a matter of seconds.
colby: "i get that, but fucking my arch enemy like he was famous wasn't part of the deal! you made that choice all on your own!" he shouted, slamming the door to my apartment loudly as he stormed outside. chasing after him, i open the door hurriedly with tears streaming my face. when i open my front door, i was confused when i saw dark, grey smoke circling me with lightning and heavy gusts of wind. no doors, no windows, no buildings, no people... and no colby. a loud crack of thunder as sharp as a whip blew threw the cloud and all i could hear and focus on were the angry voices in my head. they were screaming in anger and crying in fear, saying things like: "this is your fault and there is no going back!", "he walked out on you because you're a whore! he never gave a single fuck about you, emma!"and, "this is what you get for hoeing around, you son of a bitch!you deserve to sit there and cry!"
the voices got louder and it felt like the echoes were bouncing off of my entire body. my brain was like jello. i screamed and sobbed in fear and anger, sliding down my apartment door that had shut on me.
emma: "make it stop! make it stop!" i screamed, holding my head and pulling at the sensitive roots of my hair. my head is pounding and my mind is whirling. it feels like my body is running 200,000 miles every 3 seconds... like my brain is in overdrive.
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i gasped shooting up out of bed, immediately thankful that i was just dreaming. my heart is racing and all i could think about was the very vividly clear dream i just woke up from. was it my subconscious messing with my head? or did i just take a peak into the future of how that conversation goes? either way, the situation is terrifying. in my dream, colby was... different. his eyes were dark and evil, he was pale, he was angry... he wasn't the colby that i know and love. i should call him. make sure he's okay while brennen and his boyfriends are out at a meeting. i seriously hate myself for allowing body to react the way it did to brennen. i was so stupid. and the worse part about it is, is that i wasn't drunk, i wasn't high... i made the choice all on my own and i am an idiot for it. although, as bad of a decision as it was, it was amazing. my needs are fulfilled and the tension i've been feeling for the past however long i've been on lockdown in this damn house is gone. jumping out of bed, i stretched and groaned to the feeling of all of the kinks and jams exiting my tense bones from my nap and checked the time. 9:00am. colby should be awake right now, right? if him being awake even matters... if he's mad at me for leaving with no notice whatsoever, than he sure as hell isn't going to answer my call. it's still worth every shot in the world, though, because i miss him. i want to tell him what actually happened and i want his help. i want out of this house. not to mention, i miss my friends. katrina, elton, sammy, kevin... every single one of them. i sighed deeply and cautiously opened the door, seeing if anyone was here or if they had left yet.
emma: "brennen? kian? is anyone here?" i called out, waiting anxiously for a response that i wasn't sure i was going to receive. just as i had turned on my heel to dart back to the bedroom i was occupying, i heard brennen. god damnit.
brennen: "miss me already, sweetheart?" his voice was proud and confident, a tone that i couldn't achieve even if i tried.
emma: "shut up," i groaned, scrubbing my face, "besides, i thought you had a meeting to go to?"
brennen: "i do. i'm leaving in a few minutes, actually. why? you want to come with?"
emma: "um, no. that's not why i was asking." i responded, my voice quiet and confused.
brennen: "it's probably a good thing you don't go, anyways. if council finds out that i fucked some sense into you and you allowed it to happen, things are going to get really messy, really quickly." he said calmly as if none of this seems to worry him. what?
emma: "what? seriously? if you knew that things were going to go to shit, than why did—" i spoke harshly before he cut me off.
brennen: "because we both knew what we wanted and i wasn't going to let the council get in the way." he shrugged matter-of-factly.
emma: "brennen, what the fuck! that is the most selfish excuse i have ever heard! i didn't think screwing you involved issues with your head bosses! i mean, i figured it would cause trouble between your rivals, but the council? seriously, brennen this is an issue! how are you so calm about this?" i spoke loudly, letting him have a small piece of my mind. there are so many things wrong with this. i knew it would cause problems between colby's gang and brennen's... but i had no idea that if the council got involved it would be a huge issue.
brennen: "emma, relax! as long as no one says anything, everything will be fine!" he paused, taking a deep breath, "i will talk to kian, jc and bradley and tell them to keep their mouths shut so no one will find out. that being said, we sneak around on the low, even when kian, jc and bradley are here. no is going to stop us, i told you this."
emma: "no," i said quickly, watching as brennen's face turned hard as stone aimed in my direction.
brennen: "i'm sorry... no? no what?" he asked forcefully, eyeing my quizzically.
emma: "no. just no. no sneaking around, no more banging it out... none of it. the only reason i'm here is because i don't want colby dead and that's that. i didn't leave him to screw someone else, i left to spare his life. earlier this morning was a mistake. it was great, i can't lie to you there, but it was wrong." i said harshly, making sure my point got across.
he snickered, "a mistake, huh? really..." a sarcastic smirk broke upon his lips, "if it were a mistake, than you wouldn't've been screaming—"
bradley: "brennen! lets go, chop chop! meeting starts in ten minutes and the building is thirty minutes from here!" bradley shouted, bursting through the front door, effectively and thankfully cutting off brennen mid-sentence. he eyed bradley before shooting me a glare that told me that this conversation was over. he snickered his evil, arrogant snicker and sauntered towards bradley who was standing at the front door impatiently waiting for brennen. he snatched his coat aggressively and muttered a smart-ass comment that was inaudible to my ears. asshole. bradley shot me a sympathetic look and a shy smile before closing the door on him and brennen.
emma: "anyone home?" i shouted one last time, anxiously and desperately wanting to call colby. i sighed loudly and ran to my bedroom, happy that i finally got the place to myself. still annoyed and pissed off at brennen, i find my cell phone that i had hidden from brennen and the others and see that it still has half battery. thank you, jesus! i found colby's contact and hit call quicker than the flick of a switch. i tapped my foot anxiously, waiting for an answer, but my face fell sad when i heard his voicemail box. i sighed and ended the call, many thoughts running through my head. i decided to call my second best and was so super grateful when she answered my call.
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emma: "katrina! hey!"
katrina: "oh my god, emma! it's so good to hear from you, holy shit!" her voice was loud and excited, so energetic that i could sense her big beautiful smile from over the phone.
emma: "you, too!" i paused, sighing, "i miss you, man..."
katrina: "i miss you more, babe," she said sadly, "you don't sound too good, though. is everything okay?"
emma: "no, it's not. i fucked up, katrina. badly. and i tried calling colby but he's not answering."
katrina: "emma, what did you do? it surely can't be that bad." she chuckled.
emma: "katrina, i fucked brennen. and willingly." i scrubbed my eyes in distress before leaning over and letting my elbows hit my knees as i sat anxiously on the edge of the bed. her sudden sharpness of breath intake that i heard from her side of the line indicated that even she knows this is bad.
katrina: "oh my god. yeah, that's bad... really bad," she said harshly, her voice breathy and stressed, "did you not think about the consequences? what did you think was going to happen?" she said harshly, her voice a little more pushy.
emma: "i had to let off steam somehow! i was pissed and he was hot! what else would you expect from me?" i said stressfully, my voice risen slightly above a 4.
katrina: "i wouldn't know what to expect from you, but i had expected you to be smarter than the man who tried to kill you!" oh, she's angry angry... "look, emma," she sighed, her voice back to a quiet one, "i'm not mad, just shocked and i'm sorry if i did sound rude. say you were in my shoes and i call you and tel you that i fucked the man to held me at gunpoint... i'm sure you wouldn't be too happy, either." she chuckled. i just laughed and shook my head, knowing and admitting to myself that she is one hundred percent right.
katrina: "are you going to tell colby? if you get ahold of him?"
emma: "i'm dreading it, but yes, i'm going to. i'm hoping i could get out of this place soon, though. i hate it here." i glanced around the room sourly. its not the worst, but i prefer the bunker.
she chuckled, "and we hate the bunker now that you're not here. colby has been looking for you day and night for the past month. in fact, that's probably why he didn't answer you this morning. sam said that colby dragged him along and they were out all night looking for you. he's not handling this well at all, emma."
my heart twisted at her words... my poor baby...