falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 52 (colby's pov)

sam: "we're running out of contacts, colby. we've tried everything and looked everywhere." he said sadly.
colby: "no! no! sammy, we can't give up! what if she's out there dying because we're not looking hard enough, huh? she could be dead! we can't stop looking for her!"
sam: "and what if she is, huh? what if we do find her dead on the side of the street? there is nothing we can do! what are you going to do if you do find her dead, huh?" he shouted, getting as frustrated and nervous as i am.
colby: "then at least we know that we tried! at least we know that we looked in every single corner of the city to find her! we all know damn well that she's not on vacation! we need to find her!" i had tears start in my eyes. please... emma, baby... come back.
kat: "guys!" katrina yelled, interrupting sam and i. she closed the door behind her as she walked out of sam's room and put her phone in her pocket, looking a little... off. why does she look so suspicious?
kat: "she'll turn up, okay? we don't need to scream at each other!" she said loudly.
elton: "she's right. everyone needs to calm down. we will keep looking for her, don't worry," he paused, turning his attention to katrina, "katrina, have you talked to her?"
kat: "no. i've been trying to call her but she's not answering." what is she hiding?
sam: "i could go call jake..." he suggested. i whipped my head to him.
colby: "that's a stretch. jake and tara left. they wouldn't have any clue where emma went."
kevin: "i mean," he paused, sighing loudly to get everyone's attention, "maybe she really is on vacation and we're all just overreacting?" he said quietly.
katrina: "she wouldn't just walk out of the door with nothing in her hands and say that she's going on vacation. let alone, without colby. you know she doesn't go anywhere without him." she looked at me sympathetically. i felt my heart twist and cry. i still would like to know why she broke up with me... i don't even know what i did wrong. we were fine twenty minutes before she left. what changed?
colby: "or," i sighed, "maybe she left because she didn't want to see me." my chest tightened at the words that fell out of my mouth. did she not want to see me?
sam: "no... no. colby, don't say that. we all know that she wouldn't leave you. she wouldn't want to." he said sadly, looking at me like i'm a lost puppy. my eyes widened when a sudden thought came to my mind.
colby: "brennen." i said, shocked.
kevin: "what?" he jerked his head to mine.
colby: "brennen. he kidnapped emma once already... what if he blackmailed her or something and they're meeting up somewhere?" i asked, an unwelcome pit starting in the bottom of my stomach, making me feel like i'm being weighed down. elton's face dropped and his mouth popped open, confused, i think.
kat: "and what if brennen has nothing to do with it? she could be anywhere and we wouldn't have a clue." what?
colby: "okay, seriously, katrina. why are you acting so suspicious?"
katrina: "what are you talking about?" she snickered. wait a damn minute...
colby: "you know where she is..." i mused.
katrina: "what? no i don't. believe me, i am just as concerned and confused as you guys are." she rolled her eyes.
sam: "okay, so... what do we want to do? do we want to search the city or just sit here and play the guessing game?"
colby: "i'm convinced that katrina knows something... so, guessing game it is." i scrutinized her. she narrowed her eyes and shook her head.
sam: "colby, let it go. she doesn't know anything. none of us do. like she said, we're all scared and confused. let's just go look for her. please." he said forcefully, turning on his heel.
elton: "sam, colby and katrina, go search around the city. kevin and i will hang here and try our best to communicate with others. maybe she'll show up and if she does, someone needs to be here."
sam: "whoever it is that decides to stay here, text me and colby to let us know any little information that you find out because colby is coming with me." he tossed his keys in the air and caught them with one hand. i walked over to him and opened the door.
colby: "anyone else coming?"
elton: "katrina, kevin and i are staying here. call us if you find anything and vice versa." sam and i nodded and walked out of the bunker and to his car. as we started the drive to who knows where, my mind wandered back to katrina acting suspicious. she has to know something. especially the way that she came out of sam's bedroom... she looked relieved and worried at the same time, but what was she worried about? what was there to be relieved about? emma is literally gone and made up some dumb ass lie about going on vacation and somehow katrina just seems... okay? i mean, sure, emma is technically my ex... as hurtful as it is to come to the conclusion, but i still love her unconditionally. though, what's weird is that before she shattered my heart into a million-trillion pieces, she had said that she loved me so so much and that she hopes nothing and happens to me or our relationship. she even got me a stuffed dog and fucking chocolate... was that her sorry? was that her way of saying that she was sorry but she needs to work on herself? she doesn't need to work on herself. her mentality, maybe, but definitely not her appearance. she may have broken up with me, but she's still my baby. especially if i see her with someone else? i might just have to kill the next guy she's ever with... and every one after that. colby, that's a little extreme, don't you think? i rolled my eyes inwardly at my subconscious and turned my attention to sam who had spoken to me.
sam: "you doing okay?" he asked sadly.
colby: "no. i'm not doing okay. my girlfriend... well, ex-girlfriend now, isn't on vacation and she didn't say where she was going or what was even happening. part of me thinks that this is my fault. i probably scared her off with all of this gang shit that we deal with and i shouldn't have put this on her. especially brennen... now that he knows about emma and how much she means to me, she's now involved in the game and it isn't right. it's my fault. all of it. and if i find out that—"
sam: "colby, you're rambling." he effectively cut me off.
colby: "sorry, man. i'm just freaking out." i sighed, leaning my head further back against the head rest.
sam: "don't be sorry, brother. i'm freaking out, too. we're all freaking out. but, think about it," he paused, "emma loves you. she talks to me and katrina about you almost everyday at least four times a day... even though we always talk to you. she's always telling me how much you've changed her life in so many positive ways and how happy she's been since she's met you. i've never seen someone's face light up as much as her's does when she talks about you. so, what i'm trying to say is. don't think too hard about the breakup... it was forced. i wasn't there for the conversation, but emma wouldn't do that. she told me the day before yesterday that she loves you dearly and that she's worried about you with these jobs. i assured her that you and i had it under control and i promised her i wouldn't let anything bad happen to you. and to be quite honest, that dog and chocolate she bought you meant more to her than it did you." he sighed, glancing over at me at a red light. i felt tears dwell up in my eyes. i love her so much more.
sam: "and between you and i, she feels like she doesn't show you the appreciation you deserve. a few days ago, she came to me when i was putting groceries and shit away in the kitchen while you were asleep on the couch. she was upset and so i asked her if she was okay. she said that you deserve better that her and that she hasn't shown you the affection and the appreciation that you need in regards to wanting to be in a relationship with her. that's why she got you the dog and the chocolate. it could've also just been for shits and giggles, but i wouldn't bet on it. she's so deeply in love with you, colby... don't let one mishap ruin your thoughts on her and don't overthink about the situation. we've already figured out that she's not on vacation, but we'll figure this out. elton and kevin aren't being much help, but you and i got this. we will find her." the tears in my eyes dropped and spewed at a quicker pace than i could contain. i held my head in my hands and leaned forward, feeling the seatbelt slice through the side of my neck. i don't deserve better. i don't even deserve what emma has given me, let alone someone higher up. emma is all i want and need... and more. she's the only person i could ever see myself with. sam patted my back and let his hand slide up to the back of my neck. he squeezed the skin there a few times and sighed before putting his hands back on the steering wheel.
sam: "it's going to be okay, man. i promise." i wiped my eyes and looked up at him, my heart racing and my eyes burning. we need to find her... and quickly. sam and i turned corners, ran in almost every store in LA, looked down alleys, asked some crack whores on the street if they've seen emma as i described her... and nothing. i'm debating if i should call brennen. but i'm also thinking that if  brennen does have her, emma would be in more danger. because if that is the case, he clearly didn't want anyone to find out. what i don't understand is what he has against her, though. she's done nothing to him and she's done nothing to get involved with anyone my gang is in war with. emma can't even talk to a damn barista without her anxiety skyrocketing, so what makes anyone think she would get in between a gang rivalry? colby, don't get ahead of yourself... brennen may not have her. calm down and relax, my subconscious warns. i took a deep breath and focused on my main mission... to find emma. to find the love of my life and ask her what's really going on. sammy convinced me that she didn't really want to breakup with me, but part of me is still confused as to why she didn't just tell me what was going on in the first place. and the fact that she could be in danger in this very moment and i'm not there with her to help her or calm her down, kills me. it absolutely kills me. what if this is one of the mike situations where someone tries to rape her or hurt her... or like sam said, blackmail. my heart twisted and shattered more and more at the thoughts running through my mind and flashes of emma popped in my mind... her smile, her big, beautiful, blue and beady eyes... please, baby, come back to me....