falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 63

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his soft sincere smile shined through the dark feeling in the room and i swiped my thumb across the apples of his cheeks, admiring him dearly. holding his face right now and gazing at him with so much passion, i realize that i meant what i said to colby. i meant it when i said i love him because i do and in all honesty, i don't really know how to handle it. with colby, i knew instantly that he loved me as well and i wasn't nervous around him when i confessed to him. but brennen, i feel small around him. like my voice is so quiet when speaking to him. not to mention, god knows if he even feels the same towards me as i do him. i release my hands from the sides of his lovely face and prop myself back up on my elbow, playing with my fingernails.
brennen: "did you mean it?" he spoke quietly after a beat, causing my eyes to jerk back up to his own. oh no... no, no, no. i don't want to admit it twice, brennen. i'll admit in my head all day long, but physically speaking of it? might as well consider me six feet under. my heart pounding, i sigh deeply, knowing that there isn't a way out of this. i've already said it, might as well live through it.
emma: "would it change things if i did?" i asked softly, gazing at him... my voice shaking. he suddenly brought his ringless hand up to the side of my face, pushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear before cradling the side of my face. my eyes burn into his, feeling as if he's breaking in through the window to my soul. the tension between us in the very moment was so strong and unbearable that i wanted to scream. not a sexual tension, but affection and wanton between the both of us.
brennen: "it wouldn't change a thing." he whispered softly, his voice deep and raspy while he scrutinizes my face... searching for an answer.
emma: "then yes, i meant it." i replied after a beat, whispering. i felt my heart drop at my choice of words, knowing that it's really out there and known that i now love another man. he took me by surprise when his lips collided with mine with passion and emotion... the two of us pouring every emotion we were possibly feeling into one kiss. getting lost in the moment, brennen has at some point managed to make it on top of me, his hands on either side of my head holding himself up. i put my hands face up next to his and breathed in deeply when his fingers laced with mine, all of his upper weight on my hands. he dipped his head down into my neck and i winced when he was a little too rough on the slit on my neck. he jerked his head up to me, searching my expression.
emma: "i had a blade to my throat, just be careful." i chuckled, gazing at him breathlessly. a soft smile crossed his lips, his head swooping down over my face and kissing me hungrily. i couldn't do anything but explore his mouth with mine, due to his hands restraining my own. i sucked in a breath when his hips met mine, his anatomy ever so gently scraping my sensitivity. my head pulsating and about to explode from all the pain, i sunk back into the pillow... jumping when a deep voice cleared his throat from the doorway. brennen leaned up, as breathless as i am, and sighed before kissing the corner of my mouth and easing off of me. he stands to his feet, adjusting the waist band of his shorts as he looks at kian, a moody look on his face. i sit up and rub the temples on either side of my head, wanting relief of this fucking migraine.
kian: "i don't mean to interrupt, but does anyone want to explain what in the hell happened tonight?" he ushers his hands aggressively in the air, demanding an answer without physically saying that he wants one.
brennen: "do we have to do this right now?" he asked, gritting his teeth eagerly. yes, please, i need to rest.
kian: "i would say no, but i want an answer. so, yes. right now." he said forcefully, really wanting to know what happened tonight. what the hell is so important about it?
brennen: "fine, i'll meet you downstairs. let me just get a shirt on and i'll be right down." he sighed in defeat, fluffing through his hair. when i look up, kian was closing the door behind him and brennen was pulling a plain black t-shirt over his head. he caught my eye and wandered over to me, adjusting his clothes and finger-combing through his perfectly curly hair.
emma: "hey, can i ask you something?" i watched as he slowly sat down in front of me on the mattress, all of his attention on me.
brennen: "yeah, of course. what's up?"
emma: "when i was running from that guy and made it to the first floor... why were you down there when you said you would be on the seventh floor where we were for the first couple of hours?" i yawned unexpectedly, feeling my eyes grow heavy.
brennen: "i was just handling some business. nothing extravagant or anything to worry about, it's a daily thing." he shrugged, leaning up off of the bed. a "daily thing"? what the hell? skeptical, i lay back in his mattress and pull the covers up, feeling my cold skin shiver under the warm comforter.
brennen: "i'll be back up soon, don't know how long this talk with kian and the other two numbskulls is going to take." he sighed dramatically.
i chuckled, "whoa, don't get too excited, you might just pull a muscle." i said sarcastically, watching a smile dance on his plump and pink lips.
brennen: "well, maybe if i tell him about the part where you said you love me, that might just happen." he laughed sneakily, his face hovering over mine.
emma: "jerk." i laughed, pushing his shoulder lightly. my face turned pink and i covered my face with his blanket, laughing out of anxiousness. when i felt the blanket being removed from my face, i just let it happen and smiled when brennen's pearly whites were shining loud and proud over my face when my eyes opened. it was quiet for a moment before brennen's face fell sincerely, a sweet, golden look on his face.
brennen: "and for the record, don't think it meant nothing to me. because it did." he stopped, grabbing either side of my face and pressing a soft, passionate kiss against my lips before pulling away, "i love you." he spoke gently, his voice deep and raspy. i smiled cheekily like a schoolgirl and felt his lips linger on my forehead for a few moments before he whispered goodnight and walked out quietly. i turn on my side, closing my eyes to allow sleep wash over my body entirely. all the crying, all the tension, all the screaming... i just want a new day to come. and to do that, i will drift off into the this sleep that feels like i have been waiting a decade for... brennen's "i love you" echoing and ringing peacefully in my head.

i groggily open my eyes, the room dark with very little light shining through the curtains in brennen's bedroom. i look next to me and frowned, seeing as brennen wasn't there. a small yellow sticky note caught my eye, sitting pretty on the crisp white pillow next to my head where brennen should be laying. i stood up and took a few steps towards the curtains, squinting my eyes aggressively when i swung them open and let the sun shine through. now being able to see, i lift the note off of the pillow, comprehending the words that read: "good morning, sleepy head. had to leave early to handle a few things. be back soon, have a great day until then."
i smile, looking down at the handwritten piece of paper and thumb through brennen's dresser drawer, looking for pants or something to cover the bottom half of my body up. i eventually find a pair of grey sweat-shorts by Puma and i wander downstairs, my mission to head to the bedroom holding all of my things. on my way down, i see kian in the kitchen sipping his coffee.
kian: "good morning, sunshine." he smiled, holding towards me a cup of coffee with cream and sugar that was sitting in front of him. i smiled and walked towards him, grabbing the mug that he offers me carefully. hmm, nice and hot.
kian: "so, you had an eventful night last night. how are you feeling?" he asks softly, leaning his back against the counter as he sips his coffee lightly.
emma: "i feel okay, but definitely a little confused." i mirror him by leaning on the opposite counter and taking a drink, crossing my free arm out in front of me.
kian: "and why's that?" he tilts his head in curiosity, searching my expression.
emma: "colby said last night that brennen did something really terrible... did i miss something or was he just lying to tip me off the edge?" his face turned blank all of a sudden, a shocked look in his eye.
kian: "brennen didn't tell you?" he belched in revelation, watching me with wide eyes. what? tell me what?
emma: "tell me what...?" i asked, setting my coffee down on the counter.
kian: "it's, uhm..." he paused, being cut off by jc when he walked in.
jc: "morning, guys." he said all smiley, effectively putting an end to our conversation. no, no. i need to know.
emma: "kian, what? spit it out." i set my mug down, ushering my hand aggressively in a "hurry it up" kind of motion.
jc: "spit what out? what are you two-" he suddenly  stopped in his tracks, realization hitting him, "...oh." he eyes me nervously, making me even more anxious. okay, seriously. what the fuck?
emma: "just tell me, please. you're making me want to question things i probably shouldn't. just spit it out already." i said forcefully, groaning in annoyance when bradley's happy ass danced into the kitchen and steered kian and jc from answering me.
kian: "emma, brennen needs to tell you. we swore we wouldn't say anything." he said quietly, sounding quite unfortunate.
emma: "bradley? jc? anything?" i look at them impatiently, expecting an answer when i should've known that i wasn't going to get one.
jc: "i, uhm... have things to do." he said awkwardly and ran back up to his room, moving his feet swiftly up the stairs. wow...
bradley: "and i... need to go walk my dog." he literally ran up the stairs, talking in his nervous, high-pitched voice.
emma: "you don't even have a dog!" i shouted after him, huffing and puffing in annoyance. i look over at kian, watching him shake his head softly, "i can't, i'm sorry. talk to brennen, i promise he will tell you." he said quietly before walking away, his coffee mug in his hand. what the fuck! what the fuck! ugh!