falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 40

after what felt like hours, i pulled away from colby and wiped my eyes and my face, hoping and praying to god that i didn't look like complete and utter ass.
colby : "do you want to talk about it?" he asked sympathetically.
emma: "i'm just stressed and angry. there's not much to talk about." i sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. which is true, i really was stressed and angry. and he knew i felt this way because of him, whether he said it or not... so i felt like i didn't have to repeat myself. i don't think he knows that everything else, including corey, katrina, and mike, ran through my head... but that doesn't matter.
colby: "i understand," he paused, grabbing my hand and squeezing gently, "i'll be here as long as you need me to be. i'm not going anywhere even if you ask me to." he chuckled. i giggled and looked up at him, only to find him staring at me in awe. that's the type of shit that makes me want to kiss him no matter how fucked up the situation is. my attention shot to my phone when i felt it vibrate in my back pocket. it was katrina, sending me a picture of her and the group at the club... captioning the message "wish you were here." i smiled, texting her back to stay safe and have fun.
colby: "who's making you smile?" i looked up at him and he was slightly smiling, but it looked forced like he was hiding an emotion of some sort.
emma: "katrina." i smiled up at him. he visibly relaxed and i showed him the picture.
colby: "why didn't you go? you love clubbing." he said, surprised, i think.
emma: "no, i decided not to go this time." i said, slipping my phone in my back pocket.
he cocked his head to the side, "may i ask why?" 
i sighed, "because i didn't want to leave you out of anything." i said quietly, playing with my fingers. i really need to get my nails done.
colby: "why not?" a ghost of a smile playing on his pink lips. i wiped my eyes, remaining the excess tears that say underneath my eyes. tell him, emma.
i sighed once more, feeling defeated at the fact that i can't lie to him.
emma: "because i wanted to spend time with you..."
i cautiously looked up at him and saw him smiling big, staring down at the gym floor while he swirled his finger around the pattern that was carved into
the mats on the floor.
colby: "you're the best." he looked up at me, smiling.
i smiled, but it quickly faded. tell him how you really feel, emma. it'll fix things, my subconscious sighs in exasperation, getting annoyed at how i keep swerving the conversation about how i feel. i sighed in defeat once more.
emma: "i miss the old you." i said sadly, averting my attention back down to the ground.
colby: "w-what do you mean?" he asked softly, his smile fading.
emma: "the old you... the soft you. the one who could make me smile by just looking at me," i paused, "now, all you do is make me cry when you look at me."
colby: "baby, i..." he said, at kiss for words.
colby: "i do mean it... with all of my heart." he said sadly, sounding as if he meant it from the bottom of his heart. i said nothing and awaited him to keep talking. there was nothing i could do or say that would make this conversation go as i wanted it to go. i want us to be happy together again, but how do i tell him that? the silence between us was almost unbearable. we both had things we needed to say... but neither one of us would come forward... until i did.
emma: "i love you... so, so much... i do... but i don't like seeing you in pain like that. i went through that same phase and it was the worst decision that i had ever made. i literally almost lost my life and if something were to happen to you... i would've not been okay... ever." i said sadly, shuddering when the image of my fourteen year old physique passed out drunk on the side of the highway. colby grabbed my hand once again, thankfully pulling me out of my short reverie.
colby: "i'm passed that, emma. rehab helped me last night and since then, i know it hasn't been long, i haven't touched or even looked at an alcohol bottle."
emma: "and i'm proud of you for that... i am..." i spoke, words failing me. what am i supposed to say?
colby: "you do know that i love you, right?" i looked up at him and saw his beady eyes full of sadness and some other emotion that i was unsure of.
emma: "do i?" i asked rhetorically, my voice sounding sad and lost. he sighed, not in exasperation, but in a way almost as if he was about to confess something.
colby: "the alcohol made me a different person. i will do whatever i can to make sure that nothing like that happens again... ever."
i blinked slowly, squeezing his hand, and when i opened my eyes back up again, his beautiful ocean blue eyes with water grazing over them was reflecting light off of his tears. just like the first night we met— under the moonlight outside of the bunker when he saved me from that asshole who tried to fight me. for what? i don't know. but i knew that as soon as i saw colby, it was going to be a long ride. but i'm buckled and ready for it because this boy has my heart and i'm done denying it. he could shoot me in the leg and i'd still take him back. jesus christ, what have i gotten myself into?
emma: "i'm willing to make this work as long as you are... but you have to promise me one thing," i paused, watching his pleading eyes where a tinge of hope danced, "can you promise not to hurt me again?" i sounded like i was begging. jesus fuck, emma, grow some balls. unexpectedly, but not unfortunately, he leaned in and smashed his lips against mine, feeling as if there were fireworks behind us. i held the sides of his neck, letting my lips move with his, and rubbed my thumb over his cheeks as he fisted his hands through my hair. i swear i heard faint cheering as if it was the fourth of july. he had finally pulled away and rested his forehead against mine while we laced our fingers together, audibly breathing and gasping. go, emma! wooo! she smiled as if she won a million dollars.
colby: "i promise. i'm in love with you and i mean that. nothing like that will ever happen again." he whispered gently in his infamous raspy voice that i would kill for to be able to wake up to that every morning. "i'm in love with you and i mean that."
i smiled larger than ever before, "be my boyfriend?"
colby: "be my girlfriend?" his grin was equally as large. we paused for a moment, just smiling, and then "yes" came out of our mouths in unison. we laughed and pecked our lips passionately before i pulled away from him and put my head back against the wall.
emma: "what were you doing down here, anyways?you know... before all of that just happened?" i chuckled. he laughed softly and smiled big.
emma: "asshole." i stared at him sweetly.
colby: "that was rude, how am i an asshole?" he teased, laughing.
emma: "because i lose brain cells when you look at me like that."
colby: "and why is that?" he smiled.
emma: "because you're hot as shit and soft as hell at the same time. my brain can't balance correctly when i'm around you."
colby: "do i make you nervous, babygirl?" his smile faded while speaking in a low, menacing tone and glaring at me like i was his next meal... unless...
emma: "colby," i drawled out, "stop." i drawled out again, groaning.
colby: "you're no fun." he puffed his lower lip out. see? he switches roles too quickly and i can't keep up.
emma: "i swear to god, colby. one second you make me want to hug all over you and then the next you make me want to clench my legs together. make up your mind, man." i shook my head, chuckling.
colby: "either way, you're getting teased." he smirked. do it, emma. i couldn't help it. i jumped in his lap and started kissing on his cheek and jawline. he laughed at first, but then he stopped and gazed deep into my eyes, causing his smile to fade and lust fill his eyes. he pulled my face to his and our lips clashed, sparking the situation to climb higher. he fell back down gracefully onto the floor on his back as i straddled his waist, sitting astride him. his hands traveling up and down my body as our lips moved expertly in sync. it was great and all, but i didn't want to have sex right now. i pulled my head up from his and looked in his eyes, smiling at the fact that i have this affect on him.
emma: "i missed you." i said gently.
colby: "i missed you more." he whispered back.
emma: "movie?" i smiled, my attempt at a sweet way of changing the topic.
colby: "anything that involves you." he smiled. i blushed and got off of him, holding my hand out for him to grab. he grabbed it and i pulled him up off the floor with all my strength. he laughed at how hard it was for me to pull him up.
colby: "weak." he teased. the memory of him calling me a 'weak ass bitch' came to mind. my face drained of blood and i looked at him, horrified of the remembrance.
emma: "it's not the first time you've called me that." i mumbled, his face dropping.
colby: "fuck, i'm sorry. i forgot, baby. i..." he stammered, words failing him.
emma: "lets just go upstairs... please." i walked next to him and grabbed his hand. he gripped my hand back tightly and we both walked up into his room. i nuzzled my head in his neck as his fingertips ran up and down my arms while we sat huddled up in his bed under the blankets, watching a random movie that played through his television. i know that him and i were only apart for two or three days... but damn, i missed him... badly.