falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 67

glancing around in the dark trying desperately to see, all that's visible is the bright restaurant lights at the entrance of the alley way. nothing past that has enough light on it for me to see. my heart is racing with anxiety because god knows who the hell comes down this alley. druggies, hookers, fugitives, homeless men, you name it. but i'm willing to bet that i'm not the only one down here. the rustling way down by the metal trash cans kind of gave that away. cautiously, i stand to my feet and walk toward the entrance, grunting unexpectedly when i slam into a tall man by accident.
emma: "oh my god, i'm so..." my words were left hanging in the air, words completely unable to physically come out of my mouth, "sam." i whispered in realization, watching his ginormous blues light up with what looks like happiness.
sam: "emma! oh my god, emma, it's really you!" he cheered, hugging me tightly. i drop my backpack on the ground at my feet and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
emma: "i missed you, sammy." i said quietly, tears on the verge of spilling.
sam: "i missed you, too. we all did, but what happened? why did you run to brennen, out of all people?" he asked, concern now etched on his face. here we go...
emma: "can we do this tomorrow? i need to find a hotel and i just want to go to bed. today has been way too long and depressing and i just need sleep, i'm sorry." i said, picking up my bag.
sam: "a hotel? your apartment is right around the corner." he chuckled.
emma: "i can't go into questioning tonight, sam. i seriously just need to think to myself for the night and think about what all has happened. i assume that you know what happened because colby knew, so you understand." all of a sudden, his face dropped and his cheeks went pale.
sam: "brennen finally told you?" he asked sadly.
emma: "not necessarily. i was eavesdropping. brennen wasn't going to tell me anyways, he said so himself. so, i had to find it out the hard way." i sighed, feeling my heart physically break in two halves.
sam: "i'm so sorry, emma. i know they meant a lot to you even though you all weren't on the best terms." his voice quiet and unfortunate. see, he understands.
emma: "you didn't do anything, it's okay. but, i'll talk to you tomorrow. i need to charge my phone, that's why i didn't call. i have no battery." i wave my cell phone in the air gently to prove a point that really doesn't need to be proven.
sam: "here," he paused, pulling a hundred dollar bills out of his wallet, "take this. it'll get your room and food if you need it. please, just take it. i see that look on your face that's telling me you don't want it. i don't care, take it. please." he spoke sincerely, causing me to take it from him.
emma: "i'll pay you back. thank you." i said soft heartedly, very grateful for running into him.
sam: "text me what hotel you're staying at once you get there. just let me know that you're okay, okay?"
emma: "i will," i smiled, "oh, and please don't tell anyone that i'm back yet. again, i don't want to answer questions tonight." i itched my eyes carefully, feeling myself get drowsy. now thinking about it, i've spent the entire day walking my ass around the fucking city instead of taking a bus. granted, i had no money for a bus, but it would've been worth asking, i guess.
sam: "not... anyone?" he asked stingily.
emma: "sam." i said sharply, my eyes squinting.
sam: "fine, okay. i won't say anything." he said mockingly, rolling his eyes.

i approach a motel not too far away from where i was just standing and walk in, my backpack in my hand. the process of getting a room wasn't long, but the elevator ride was. when you're as drowsy as you could ever be, things take longer when you have a goal of just wanting to lay down. it's weird, but it's true. once i had finally gotten in my designated room, i threw my bag on the bed and flopped next to it, sighing once i felt my body relax against the surprisingly comfortable bed. the room was small, the smell of stale air conditioning floating around the tight corners. i finally had the courage to stand up and strip myself of my clothes after throwing my phone on the charger and jump in the shower, turning the temperature to the hottest temperature that this motel can take, which was not very hot at all, but would do. i feel the water beat into my skin harshly, allowing my thoughts to run wild and my muscle tightness to disappear into the water. after today, this is all i need. a nice shower with nothing but pain in my system. my thoughts ran back to when brennen admitted to killing my parents, feeling my heart drop on the spot. once someone is gone, they're gone. for an eternity. and my parents are now down for the count for the rest of earth's years and the way they died was just cruel. and who knows where they're at now, where they're bodies are at. brennen probably burned them to a crisp and got rid of the ashes to get rid of his evidence to keep not only himself, but the others involved in the shoot out safe. what really is bothering me, though, is how this is practically my fault. none of this would be happening had i just told colby what was happening. he would've figured out a way to get us out of this. but instead, i took matters into my own hands and, well, here we are. unfortunately. i slipped out of the shower and grabbed a given towel that was sitting on the shelf and dried off, throwing away the empty complimentary soap bottles that i used in the shower. getting dressed, i ruffle through my backpack, in hopes that there are cozy clothes in there, and thankfully there was. these are the clothes that i never really wore while i was at brennen's, i wore the clothes that he had supplied me with instead. feeling the more than large t-shirt hang loosely over my tiny black shorts, i grab my phone and lay in the bed, opening sam's contact. it really was great seeing him tonight after not seeing anyone for four months. the giddy smile on his face made me feel grateful that someone still cares for me even though i did them wrong. at least i know someone cares. i sent him a quick text letting him know where i'm staying and the room number i'm in before falling back into the pillow, throwing my arm over my eyes in exhaustion. i am so unbearably tired, i feel like i've been hit by a mac truck. my entire body is sore... my eyes, my cheeks, my legs, my feet, my back, my chest... everything hurts. even my heart. i know that's sounds cliche, but imagine everything that has happened today times a thousand... yeah, it sucks. i close my eyes in an attempt to go to sleep, but my stomach caught my attention... roaring in hunger as the only audible noise in the room. i haven't eaten all day which means i could eat just about anything right now. i suppose i could go up the street to that restaurant, but in all honesty, i don't really want to. i don't want to get up and go anywhere because i've been walking all day. i'll just go eat something tomorrow. maybe ask if sam and everyone else wants to get together so i could explain myself and say hey. i really do miss them. all of them. kevin, elton, katrina, sam who i had just talked to thirty minutes ago, and colby. i miss him the most, if i'm being honest. he's my everything and i just stupidly threw that away thinking i was making the situation better. we all have some serious catching up to do... and it's all because of me. i brought this upon all of us, so i deserve all the backlash that i might get from all of them. granted, they're not the types to agree and say "yeah, it was your fault and there's no fixing it whatsoever", but they're very forgiving. which is how i'm hoping things go when i talk to them. i could explain myself and why i did what i did and hopefully they'll nod their heads and say "it's okay, we understand" but something tells me that that's not at all how it's going to go tomorrow. or maybe it will go well and i'm just too insecure to give myself or anyone else credit. emma, shut up and go to sleep. we'll deal with that tomorrow.