falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 81

"here, babe. you need to eat something." katrina hands me a half of the steak and cheese wrap that she had bought at some fast food restaurant. I take it from her and take a bite, moaning in contentment of how yummy this is.
emma: "thanks for lunch." I smile, taking a sip of my water. she smiles and takes a bite of hers, looking at me in concern. oh no...
katrina: "i called the doctor on my way home and they said that they could get you in for an appointment as early as today. i went ahead and booked it for today at 2 so that the spot didn't fill up in case they all get booked at one time, but we can always cancel if you don't want to go today. although, feeling the way you probably do, i wouldn't want to either." she says, her tone unfortunate. i shake my head, swallowing the lump of food in the back of my throat, "no no, let's go today if you already have an appointment set; i want to be sure that this is all happening." i tell her, watching her crumple up her fast food wrapper and throw it in the trash.
katrina: "sounds good to me; i'll start getting ready." she says, wandering into her bedroom.

Dr. Munoz: "emma rede? we're ready for you, sweetheart." the nice lady doctor smiled sincerely, causing me to feel at ease. the smell of the doctor's office filling my senses as i walk down the white-painted halls with a door to each room after every six feet, my hands begin to sweat and shake. i never liked doctor's offices. i always hated coming to just get physicals done and here i am coming in to get tested for current pregnancy.
Dr. Munoz: "just have a seat right here and i'll be right back to evaluate you." she smiled sweetly, patting my knee before walking out. i nodded and took a deep breath, hearing katrina's soothing tone calm me down as she sits in one of the guest chairs in front of me. not long after five minutes pass, Dr. Munoz enters the room, holding a small plastic cup in one hand and file papers in the other.
Dr. Munoz: "so, as you know, i am Dr. Munoz and i will be guiding you through your pregnancy test results, whether they're positive or negative. i see here that you've had morning sickness and extreme migraines for the past few weeks," she reads through her tiny reading glasses off of the white piece of confidential paper, "about how long ago did the morning sickness begin?" she asks, looking at me expectantly. i nervously look over at katrina and she nods her head, letting me know that it'll be okay.
emma: "um... i'd say probably about two, three weeks ago. same with the migraines." i spoke, watching the doctor nod her head and write something on the piece of paper.
Dr. Munoz: "okay; have you been eating? and if so, how much do you eat a day?" she asks, resulting in me grimacing.
emma: "i... um..." i stammered, struggling to find the words to respond to her with, "i haven't eaten that much at all. maybe a burger every couple of days since this all started happening." i said, watching the doctor proceed to write down what is necessary.
Dr. Munoz: "have you taken a drug store test already or is this your first evaluation of whether you are pregnant or not?"
emma: "i took a drug store test this morning. it came out positive."
Dr. Munoz: "do you remember the brand of the test?"
emma: "Clearblue." i quipped. she nods and stands to her feet, handing me a plastic cup.
Dr. Munoz: "alright, you can follow me to the main office's restroom and i'm going to have you urinate in this cup right here for rapid results. you should know by the end of the visit whether you are pregnant or not if you are as many weeks in as i think you are." she says, making my eyes go wide. as many weeks in as she thinks i am? the hell does that mean? i follow her down the hall and into the restroom, aware of the fact that she stood outside the restroom while i peed in the cup she had given me. this entire trip is making nervous. what am i going to do if the offical test comes out positive? colby and i are not in a good place for a baby.  he's in a gang for christ's sake, the hell am i to do? raise it all on my own?
Dr. Munoz: "perfect, thank you! i'm just going to run this to the lab and i'll be back in the room in a second if you'd like to head back that way." she smiled, ushering me towards the room. i nodded and entered the designated room, hearing katrina ask me how it was. Dr. Munoz came back in minutes later, closing the door behind her and sitting down with a more serious posture.
Dr. Munoz: "now, i'm going to ask you a serious, life-changing question," she says, eyeing me warily, making my heart pound harder and faster, "while we wait for the results, i want you to have the mindset as if you are already pregnant, in which i think you are. i don't want to put you on the spot, but abortion is an option. and don't think that i'm judging you, because i would never do that with any of my patients. i just want you to think about what is better for the baby if the test comes out positive." she says stingily, unsure of my reaction. my eyes shot open wide and i shook my head aggressively, "no, absolutely not. if i'm pregnant, i'm keeping it." i tell her, watching her nod with a smile.
Dr. Munoz: "okay, well, that's that." she laughs, making me feel relieved. i may not be in a good place in this moment, but eight months from now, i'll be okay. i'm going to have to be. the doctor walks out saying she'll be back with my results shortly and left katrina and i alone, giving us time to really think about the decision. i'm not giving up my baby. it's not even an option. in the midst of katrina and i's conversation, my phone begins to buzz in my pocket, my heart dropping at who i already know is calling me.

emma: "hey, baby." i say through the phone, steadying my voice. jesus, emma, calm down.

colby: "hello, my love. where are you?" he asks, his deep voice rumbling through the phone. uh oh... is he suspicious of me?

emma: "i'm, um, out getting food with katrina. are you at my place?" i ask, thinking quickly. my hands begin to sweat and i start to get the jitters, knowing that he already thinks something is up.

colby: "uh, yeah... what's wrong? is everything okay?" he asks suspiciously, making me even more nervous. oh no.

emma: "yeah, everything's okay. i'll, um, be home soon. okay?" i say, wanting to get off the phone. just then, Dr. Munoz dances into the room with the results, talking rather loudly saying she has news. shit.

colby: "emma? who's that in the background? where are you?" he asks, his voice a little more sharp.

emma: "i'm at the, uh, library, i'll see you when i get home." i clicked off of the call, shaking my head at myself. the library? are you kidding me?

Dr. Munoz: "the results are ready when you are, Miss Rede." she smiles, sitting in the chair in front of me. katrina leaned forward in her chair, as curious about the results as i am.
emma: "i'm ready." i sighed, taking in my last deep breath before my life completely changes. the test this morning is what told me the truth, but i'd much rather hear a professional tell me the truth. i'm pregnant. i know i am.
Dr. Munoz: "you'll be due in approximately seven months. the results came back that you are officially one month and three days pregnant." my heart dropped. i knew this morning that i was pregnant, but hearing that i've been pregnant for just over a month made me nauseous. oh no... this isn't right.

emma: "katrina, what am i going to do?" i cried in the passenger seat of her car, feeling her grip my hand as comfortingly as possible.
katrina: "we'll figure it out, emma. i promise. but first, you need to tell colby. that's the only way to jumpstart the journey." she says, her tone wary. no, no, no...
emma: "he'll leave me, i can't tell him yet!" i cried, watching her eye me at a red light.
katrina: "he's going to find out sooner or later, emma. you can't pop a baby out in seven months and expect everything to run smoothly in your relationship. you have more of a chance of him leaving when your six months in rather than right now." she says, comfortingly holding my hand as she presses on the gas.
emma: "he'll leave me either way, katrina! he's in charge of a gang, for Christ's sake! he doesn't and will never have time for a baby!" i sob, thinking the worst of the situation. i can only imagine the look on his face if and when i tell him. his face will turn pale, his lips may turn blue, his eyes will turn gray in shock and anxiousness... our relationship is at risk because of the situation i'm in; soon to be the situation we are in. at this time a few months ago, i was only fantasizing about having a mini colby brock running rampid and ruthless around the house with the brightest smile on his face... and now that the situation is in the works and actually here, i'm lost. i'm at a complete loss. not only will he end up leaving me, saying he can't do this because of his job title, but where will that leave me? he'll probably end up thinking that i planned this on purpose and then think the worst of me. emma, you're being a little too harsh too yourself and you're overthinking; stop, my subconscious snaps, rolling her eyes like the sarcastic motherfucker she is.
katrina: "you get to make the decision; but if you make the wrong one, you're going to be hearing an "i told you so" even if you're soaked i tears." she says, putting her car in park and getting out of the vehicle once we arrived back at my apartment. bitch. i wipe my face clear of tears and smile a weak smile, trying desperately to hide my loss and confusion so that colby won't question me when i walk through that front door.