She Wasn't You

Chapter 10

1999

I had woken up much earlier than usual on your birthday, I was so excited to see you, to smother you with gifts, I had even managed to buy you a bunch of flowers. I had never bought flowers before and I didn't know your favourites, so I had to ask my Mum for her input. They smelt amazing, looked so fresh. Fuck, I was so nervous.

You were born 4 days into September which pained me slightly as if you were born just 5 days before, we would have been in the same year in school, we could have known each other for a year longer than we already had. Just imagine! We probably would have already been in a relationship, without me having to worry about Ricky! He would have been in the year below you then and you wouldn't have been interested. He would have been too young for you, girls never dated guys in the year below.

I hadn't met your Mother yet but the fact she kept you inside her for those extra days really made me resent her. Weird I know.

I was shaking as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my light blue shirt looking fresh and crisp on me. I may have overdone it with the cologne I had sprayed over my entire body but I knew you liked the scent I wore, you told me countless times how much you loved my smell and it was all for you Katie. You're the only girl I needed in my life, everything was for you.

My Mum wished me luck as I headed out of the door with the fresh flowers in one hand and a bag in the other. I remember my legs feeling unsteady the entire walk. You only lived 10 minutes away from me but the heaviness in my legs must have added a good 6 or 7 minutes on to the walk that day.

I must have checked myself out in every car window I passed that morning. I was so excited to see you and really hoped you were as excited as I was. I was hoping and praying that once you received your gifts from me, you would be so happy with them we would finally share our first proper kiss together. I'd never kissed a girl properly up until this point. Sure, I'd shared a kiss on the lips but never with tongues. Although, the thought of kissing you and getting it wrong made my body clam up and my hands sweatier than they ever had been.

We had arranged to meet in 'our park'. The very same park where we held hands and watched the clouds above us. You had labelled it 'our park' so it must have been special for you too.

I walked past your road, looking down to see if I could see you leaving your house, maybe we could walk to the park together. I was half an hour early that day, so wasn't banking on seeing you on your way but I could hope.

Needless to say, you were nowhere to be seen when I finally did reach the park. Against my better judgement, I sat down on the cold, damp wooden bench. Within seconds I could feel the dampness against my ass and knew instantly I had made a huge mistake.

Time ticked on and you still hadn't arrived, I was hoping you were just taking your time in getting ready. I would have called but I had run out of money on my phone, I had no credit to call or text and I know you never had any either. If only we were young now, hey? We could call and text as much as we liked and even video called each other, the possibilities are endless now but back then, if you had no credit, there was no way of communicating with you.

I held on for another 15 minutes but you were still a no show, it was now 45 minutes over our agreed time and the clouds were not looking inviting. Even if you did come now, we'd have no time as the rain looked as if it was about to wash me away any minute.

I decided I had to take the initiative and knock at your door. That would have been a nice surprise wouldn't it? Very romantic.

But I never got the chance did I, Katie?

As I turned on to your street, still holding your flowers and gift, you broke my heart.

I watched as you and Ricky were walking in the opposite direction, holding hands. You looked happy but you didn't see me standing behind you, you didn't see the moment my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. You were too busy playing happy couples with that fucktard!

But there was something familiar about this. Nicola. Yep, she was there trudging her big fat ass along behind you, keeping you in her eye-line. Even with someone else, you were never able to be alone were you? That bitch was always right there, wasn't she?

Did you hate her as much as I did?

I watched painfully as you turned the corner, still hand in hand with him. Where were you going? Had you even realised you had left me hanging on by a thread? Why didn't you just cancel our plans? You could have lied and I would have been none the wiser.

You just left me. Alone and heartbroken.

I went home and I cried, Katie. It wasn't just gentle sobbing, I cried my eyes out for you that day. It was meant to be our day together, to cement our relationship, to make you mine but you ruined it.

My Mum enjoyed your flowers though and your gift was returned to the shop the following day, I got my money back but it was small consolation for the heartbreak I was feeling.

I'd get my own back though. I'd see you at the start of the new school year in just four days time. There would be no going back now, Katie.

We were finished.

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