She Wasn't You

Chapter 6

1999

We were almost through our first year of school together, we had moments where I thought we were going to become something but I don't think either of us had the guts to actually attempt to start a relationship.

Many things seemed to get in our way, every time I built up the courage to ask you out, Ricky would be in the picture. I could tell you two weren't strong. For weeks on end he would walk around with his arm draped around you as you walked through the school together. He knew what he was doing, he knew how to claim you. He knew exactly how to get under my skin.

There were other times where you two would completely ignore each other for a block of time. That's when your attention would be 100% on me and I loved it. We never touched physically, I would never walk around with my arm draped all over you like he did, that wasn't my style and I always had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that when you were being cold towards him, you were just using me to get him jealous. Was that the case? Or was I losing the opportunity of actually making you mine? Did you want me to make the move to get Ricky off of your back? To find a more secure relationship?

But the times you looked loved up with him, I tried to make you jealous by flirting with girls in my year group. I had enough admirers in the school to chop and change my attention when required. I wasn't using them because I genuinely liked some of the girls. My bond with one girl, Tanya, was growing stronger by the day. She was in all of my classes but I couldn't take it the extra step because you and Ricky were always running so hot and cold. I couldn't throw all my eggs in one basket and miss out on you.

It's still seems crazy to me all these years later that you had me at your mercy and I couldn't see it. Did I mess it up by not grabbing you when I could? Why didn't you make the move?

As the bell rang to signal the end of the school year, you made a conscious effort to come and find me before we headed home for the summer.

"Tommy? If you want to meet up during the holidays. Take me number." You handed me a slip of paper torn out from your maths textbook. "Call me."

I smiled and told you I would. Looking down to see you had written down your mobile phone number and house phone number.

Yes, mobile phones were still new to us and exchanging house phone numbers was the norm. Crazy, right?

Our moment alone was cut too short as I felt an arm link into mine as we spoke. "Come on, let's go to the park for a bit."

It was Tanya, she was taking me away from you. I could see the pain in your eyes as you watched me arm in arm with her, she was taking away what was yours but I didn't fight it. I just mouthed "I'll call you. Sorry!" I wasn't sure whether the pained expression on my face proved that I didn't want to go but I didn't want to make the situation anymore difficult than it had to be.

Tanya and I were just friends. We ran in the same friendship group. Yes, I did like her more than just a friend but right here, right now we were just friends, but I can see how it looks to you and if I could go back, I wouldn't have gone. I would have stayed with you and walked you home. Maybe that would have been the day we started a relationship? Maybe that could have been our forever day.

It's weird how life can swing around on people so fast isn't it?

At the start of the year, you were being whisked away by Ricky in exactly the same way I was now being taken away from you.

Don't worry though, Katie. I will make it up to you during the school holidays. I promise.

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