She Wasn't You

Chapter 42

2017

As I left the coffee shop feeling a little more confident about myself given the way Danielle was looking at me this morning and how her husband was very overprotective of her due to my presence it gave me an extra bounce in an already bouncy mood.

Today was going to be a good day.

Crossing the road to the train station, I waited for cars to pass and burnt my tongue on the coffee. Too soon! I could feel the burn already taking hold on the tip of my tongue. Well that's fucked that for a couple of days. I instantly blamed Danielle's husband, he must have put a curse on this cup before leaving.

I had taken a little longer than expected so had to power walk through the station to get to my platform on time, thankfully I made it with a minute or two to spare. I was dressed in black jeans, a black knitted sweater and brown boots. I very usually felt I looked as good as I did today, I wasn't the most confident person in the world but I don't know if it was the excitement of the possibility of the promotion but whatever it was my confidence was sky high.

As the train approached I risked the safety of my tongue again by going in for another sip and yes it was still far too hot so decided against scalding myself again. The train pulled in like every other day, I stood back allowing passengers to disembark as I saw somebody struggling to back out with a stroller. Usually I would be the first to help anyone in need of help, whether that be parents with strollers, older people struggling to move. I was always the first to offer my seat on the train when someone looked like they were more in need of it than I was but today, this coffee cup was holding me back with my ability to assist.

Fortunately there was someone else on hand to offer help this morning and he made sure the attractive brunette wasn't on her own. He took lifted the stroller for her and she was very thankful, her body language suggested she has already had enough of the morning so far. Maybe I should have offered her my coffee which may have just helped her through just a little bit more and that's when she turned around and caught my eye.

It was you, Katie!

Not only did you glance at me but you looked away and then looked back as I was getting on the train. You checked me out! Did you know it was me? Or did you just like what you saw in that first glance and needed a second look?

To this day, I still don't understand why I got on the train without stopping to speak to you. I knew it was you but I still stepped on to the train like I hadn't seen you, like I was ignoring you. That wasn't the case, I promise. In truth, your presence took me by surprise. I wasn't mentally expecting to see you this morning, the conversation would have been awkward, I would have messed something up and I think knowing you looked back at me, finally gave me some sort of upper hand in this game of cat and mouse our relationship had always been. Perhaps, there was a slight twinge of jealousy inside me. Knowing that the child in your stroller was someone else's, it was overwhelming. I couldn't bare to look at this mans child, knowing that he had planted his seed inside you. I hated the thought of you having sex with other men and this baby was proof that you had been intimate with someone else.

The day passed in a blur, fortunately my persistence and putting my marriage on the line had paid off and the promotion was mine, obviously there was an invitation to go out and celebrate but I decided against it. I had drank enough in the last few weeks to see my through the rest of the year without another drop. I had done my fair share of brown nosing to these people recently, it was now time to claim back time with my family and attempt to salvage what was left of my marriage with Ellie. I couldn't risk any further stumbling blocks, I had a long way to go before things would be as they were before.

I had spoken to Ellie, she didn't seem overly excited by the news but I had been so selfish recently that the last person she wanted to talk more about was me right now and I respected that. She had told that she'd be home tonight and we would celebrate. How much celebrating would be done remained to be seen.

Obviously, there was another stumbling block. Seeing you this morning Katie had thrown a huge spanner in the works when it came to my mental state. Had I missed another golden opportunity to win your heart? Did you need a familiar face to talk to? You looked tired and worn out, could I have helped at all if I had just been man enough to face you again?

If I wanted to celebrate this moment in my life with anyone, if I could turn back time I'd have made sure that I would have arranged to meet you that evening and we could have celebrated and I would have listened to absolutely everything that was so clearly weighing you down and on your mind.

The most painstaking thing about that day was that unbeknown to me that would be the last time I would see you in person until today...

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