She Wasn't You

Chapter 40

2017

Planning a wedding and having two children in the space of three years was never going to be plain sailing, it was exhausting as hell and took a toll on our marriage which I think would be a pretty normal overview of any couple cramming so much in, in such a short space of time.

Ellie was back at work, now Gracie was 18 months old and Sophia has just started school, so that only added to the exhaustion each morning. 6:30am, 5 days a week, I would drive 10 miles further away to drop the girls off at Ellie's mothers house, who was kind enough to look after Gracie all day and take and pick Sophia to and from school. It was a lot for her to take on but she loved having the girls and best of all, she refused to charge us, which saved us thousands in the long run in childcare.

If it was taking its toll on us, I can only imagine how exhausted the girls were but I learned to treat work as a getaway, a break from my hectic home life and I'll admit there were days when I would stay back late on purpose just to miss the night time rush at home or I would head out after work for drinks with colleagues and not come home until the early hours. Anything to keep me away from the craziness of home was welcome and it soon became a problem and another strain to hit our marriage.

There was whispers of a promotion doing the rounds and I was one of the potential candidates for the role so found myself socialising even more than I already was, only this time making sure I was present when my bosses were out drinking too. I needed them to see the real me, not just the work side of me. You could call it a little brown nosing but the hike in pay that the promotion would bring was huge and Ellie and I couldn't afford not to at least make the effort and if this was the way to do it, then so be it.

What I thought would be the odd night out had soon become nights out every night after work, the majority of the days not coming home until 2-3am and Friday nights could mean me not coming home at all, staying in the office or crashing at a workmates house. As you can imagine, it wasn't making my home life any easier. The arguments were as regular as breakfast in the house when I was home.

Our marriage was on the rocks, there was no hiding away from that but I needed this promotion and trying to explain why I was doing what I was doing was landing on deaf ears and I understood why, Ellie had been doing the dinners, the bath times, the bed times all on her own and she was exhausted but I knew that the decision on the job was only a few weeks away. The problem we had was that I wasn't 100% sure that our marriage would last that long, if this continued the way it was.

The day of reckoning was finally here and the marriage was still hanging on by a thread but I knew I could try and patch things up after the day ahead, at some point today I would know if all of my effort and putting my marriage and relationship with my kids in jeopardy was worth it.

I bounced out of bed, although the hangover was still banging around in my head from the night before. I was actually home by midnight which was a vast improvement even though I was sure Ellie wouldn't agree. I woke the girls up, who were bleary eyed, kissed Ellie goodbye on the cheek.

"You better hope and pray you get the job today, Tommy. If all of this was for nothing then we are going to have to have a serious chat tonight"

I nodded and understood, although the decision was out of my hands. It was too early for a comeback and far too early for an argument. My mood was good and I didn't want to ruin it. I knew regardless of the outcome, a serious chat was on the agenda at some point and rightfully so, I deserved it.

I actually dropped the girls off at my mothers house that morning, she hadn't seen them for a while so jumped at the opportunity. And it gave me the option of leaving my car there for the day which was a bonus as I knew alcohol would be involved at some point of my day.

As I kissed the girls goodbye, I walked down my old streets I grew up on towards the train station. Nostalgia hit me as I walked, walking past my old school, the smell of the neighbourhood was still the same as when I was a kid. The sun was peaking through the morning clouds, nothing but blue skies behind them. I had a good feeling about today, something felt special.

I knew I was early for the train, so rather than standing on the platform for 15 minutes, I stopped off at a friends coffee shop.

Danielle and I had been friends since we were 4 but drifted apart as we grew into teenagers. Going to different schools probably had a massive part to play in that but we had found one another on Facebook a few years back and had grown closer again. I knew her husband had bought her this coffee shop a few months back and thought it would be rude not to pop in and say hello. Supporting local businesses was always a motto of mine and the thought of seeing her pretty face again was one not to pass up.

"Hello stranger!" I smiled as I walked in, the sight of her familiar face after all these years in person was comforting. Her smile was the same as it always had been. Seeing her made me feel like I was 7 again.

She ran towards me, throwing her arms tightly around me. "Oh my god, Tommy! It's so nice to see you again."

My comfort was short lived as I saw her husband appear from the back of the store, his eyes burning at me. As soon as I noticed him, I pulled away from the embrace and smiled at her. "Well I was in the area and thought it would be rude not to pop in and say hello to one of my oldest friends."

I made sure to look at the husband as the friends word slipped out. Genius, don't you agree?

"Whatever you want is on me. Coffee? Breakfast?"

"That's very kind but I'm afraid it will have to be a coffee to go, I have to get to work but I'll be back to take you up on the free breakfast offer one day."

She skipped back behind the counter and introduced me to her husband, who's defence had come down a touch as we shook hands.

Guilt was slightly coursing through me as he smiled and introduced himself, while pulling Danielle closer to him from her waist. A sign of dominance and one that I took as a compliment. He was clearly threatened by my presence and I guess he was right to be given that some of the messages Danielle and I had exchanged over Facebook in the time since we had found each other had verged on the side of overly flirting and some might say sexual. I had occasionally had to relieve some stress after a few of our conversations and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be too happy if he found that picture of her in her lingerie that she had sent me one drunken evening.

Oh I made use of that photo on more than one occasion, believe me!

As Danielle prepared my coffee, he stood around making the atmosphere far more awkward than it needed to be and I couldn't help but imagine having Danielle bent over that counter and fucking her as he watched.

"Americano?"

I was shaken from my daydream as she slid the cup towards me. "How did you know?"

She winked playfully. "I had a feeling. Call it baristas intuition."

I could tell the husband was becoming very uncomfortable and he still didn't trust me so decided to pull myself from the situation. "Thank you so much. I need to run but I'll be back for that breakfast, I promise. Nice to meet you, Carl." I raise my hand and make my way out.

I knew that Danielle would be in my mind all day now and it was only a matter of time before one of us was back in the others DMs.

What was wrong with me?

***