She Wasn't You

Chapter 52

To say you had caught me off guard was an understatement.

"Just us and the kids. I want to be with you, Tommy. Like we should always have been together. We both know it's right. We'll be much happier together. And you know it too."

You were telling me what I've wanted to hear since I was 12 years old but I couldn't bring myself to respond. Instead, I looked at you in awe and shock. Was this all a dream? Or were you speaking from the heart?

"Well, what do you think?"

For the first time in my life, I was speechless. I couldn't find the words. I wanted and needed to reply but everytime I tried to speak, I couldn't get out what I wanted to say.

There was a nagging doubt in the back of my mind as I continued to search for the right words. I felt like I had seen this scene play out a hundred times before in the movies I'd watched. The villain being told what he wants to hear to soften him up to a confession. Using the sexy female to ease him into a false sense of security.

Are you wearing a wire?

Are there policemen in my house waiting for the confession before they steamed into the bedroom, handcuffs on me before I knew what was going on?

Or are you being genuine?

Either way, unbeknown to you, we were both running out of time and I thought it was the right time to disclose everything to you. If you were wired up, it didn't matter anymore. I couldn't live this lie forever and you of all people deserved the truth.

Your eyes still looking at me, waiting, searching for an answer. I took a deep breath and the words finally began to flow.

"It's too late for that now, Katie. As much as I want to be with you, it won't happen and it pains me so much to hear that. It's not because I don't want to be with you but we just can't."

You looked at me puzzled. "But why? If you wanted me for all these years, why when I finally let out my feelings to you. Telling you what you want to hear, you're blowing me out? You only wanted to fuck me, didn't you? Now you've finally got that out of your system, you don't want me anymore. Is that it?"

I shake my head and look down at you. "No, it's not that at all. I want that more than anything in the world but we can't do it. But you need to listen to me, okay?"

You nodded but I could sense the disappointment in your eyes.

Here goes.

"Okay, so you know that nurse that was killed a few weeks back?"

You nodded again. "Philippa? Yeah, we worked together. I was so upset about that. You know people in work said we were like twins because we looked so alike?"

Really? I don't know who could have gotten you two mixed up.....

I took a deep breath. "Katie, it was me. I killed her."

You attempted to interrupt but I held my hand up. "I said, you needed to let me speak, so I can explain."

The fear was evident on your face.

"Danny and I went to the pub for a drink and we saw her at the bar and both of us thought it was you. Going so long without seeing you and the thought that you were there in the same room excited me, so I built up the courage to approach you...Philippa. Long story short, she obviously wasn't you and it upset me more than I could ever have imagined. I was this close to seeing you again and it was snatched away from me in a heartbeat. I was angry. Angry at myself for getting so worked up over seeing you and angry at her for not being you. I tried to clear it from my mind when I walked home with Danny but I couldn't shake it. She was in my head, mocking me. So I had to take control of the situation but in doing so, I lost all control and I didn't mean to kill her, Katie. I just took it too far."

You shook your head. "But they arrested and charged that homeless man with that. I don't understand."

I nodded. "Once I walked away from her, I panicked. She clawed at my coat so I knew her DNA would be on there so had to get rid of it and I saw him sitting there, he looked cold and needed the warmth, so who better to give it to than him? I didn't know they would trace the coat. Why would they look at a poor helpless man on the street? When he admitted to killing Philippa. I could hardly turn myself in, could I? I got away with it and he seemed happy enough to go along with it. He obviously needed the roof over his head and three meals a day."

"But he's innocent, Tommy! How can you do that to him? He'll die in prison. He could have turned his life around eventually but you've taken that from him too. You may as well have killed him too!"

I can see your disappointment in me and I can tell you're already regretting telling me you wanted to be with me.

"Next you'll tell me that you killed Nicola too!"

My eyes widened, with no response. Guilty may has well have been tattooed on to my forehead as the realisation hit you.

"You're kidding me? Surely not." You began to back away from me. Tears forming in your eyes. "No, get away from me!" You turned down my hand, almost smacking it away as I reached out for you.

"It was the only way!"

"The only way for what?" You snapped back. "I thought it was you because it made sense. You met her that night, it had to have been you! I even told the police that." You stopped, realising what you had said.

"Don't worry, I knew it was you who tipped the police off." I managed to lay my hand on top of yours again, you must have forgotten to pull away.

By the way, the fact we are having this conversation while you're still topless, is quite the turn on.

"How did you know?" You queried.

"We'll come to that." I replied as you rolled your eyes.

"I hated her, Katie. You always knew that. I hated everything she stood for and when we met up, she was so fake. I couldn't find you anywhere, you had blocked me on Facebook. I just wanted to talk to you but I couldn't find you anywhere. So the only option I had was to lure you out of hiding. I knew that if she died, you would be at the funeral. I mean, I wasn't wrong. We're here aren't we? We made it to where we were always meant to be. So her dying was the right thing to do, for us."

My attempt at turning her death into a positive wasn't successful judging by the look on your face.

"But why did they arrest, Ricky?"

I'll ignore the fact that this dickhead has been brought up twice since we finished fucking given the circumstances, Katie. But I'm glad you ask, I think you'll be impressed by this part.

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