She Wasn't You

Chapter 38

2014

It took us a few years to save up for the wedding that Ellie had her heart set on. It didn't help the money situation when we found out she was pregnant with our first child in 2012, so we had to put the wedding on the back burner until we were financially stable again and until Ellie was comfortable enough with her body in order to pull of the wedding dress of her dreams. It was all in her head though, her body was as amazing as ever and she hardly gained any weight during the pregnancy. She was always perfect in my eyes.

But in 2013, our lives changed for the better when little Sophia was born. I've never seen or held anything so precious in my life. We took to parenthood like ducks to water, we showered little Sophia with love and attention. Fortunately we had good close family around us who were always willing to help out when needed, but all in all it was the most perfect time in my life. I was in a happy, content bubble and nothing was ever going to pop it.

How did you take to motherhood, Katie?

I'll admit as happy as I was and as perfect my little life was turning out, when I heard that you were married and seeing you pregnant on social media did break me a little. The idea of someone else being intimate with you made me feel sick, imagining his body all over yours, his lips on yours and your skin, his cock inside you as your fingers dug into his back, moaning for him or you on your knees with his cock in your mouth as he had full control of you and your body. It made my blood boil.

It was hard for me to wish you the best when I saw your scan photo on Facebook but through gritted teeth I had to save face and make it look like I was being a supportive 'friend'. Was that thing?

Can you still class us as friends as we hadn't spoken since that day in the hospital? We had added one another on Facebook but neither of us had reached out to one another. Had Caroline already had that chat with you by this point? Did you now see my in the light she had shone on me and were you already scared of me by this point? Or were you feeling just as jealous when you saw how happy I now was, were you jealous of Ellie and Sophia? Did the same thoughts that raced through my mind, race through yours too about us being intimate with one another?

Ellie had planned every last detail to the wedding, nothing got past her beady eyes. To say she turned into bridezilla would have been a little over the top but she was as close to it without actually being one. It was just how she was. I think deep down being a wedding planner would have been her ideal job but the opportunity never presented itself, maybe in the future.

I was nervous as I ever had been the morning of the wedding, I had my Dad and two brothers keeping me calm and plying me with as many shots of brandy as possible without leaving me a drunken mess. The last thing Ellie needed today was a drunk groom standing beside her at the alter. I would never be allowed to forget it so I just had enough to calm the nerves.

Waiting at the alter, I'm pretty sure I was sweating from places I didn't even know you could sweat from. Knowing it was traditional for the bride to be late, something told me that Ellie would be bang on time. This girl didn't do tardiness. She was raised by a father who used to serve in the army and a mother who was a strict school teacher. Lateness was not in her makeup. So as I watched the clock move closer to 3pm. The moment the priest mentioned that she was outside and ready to begin at 2:55pm was not a shock.

If ever I needed another shot of brandy it was at that moment in my life. I was about to become a husband.

Is it wrong that even at that moment in my life when I was waiting for my perfect, beautiful wife to be about to walk down the aisle towards me and for me to vow myself to her until the day I die, I still had you on my mind, Katie. Part of me hoping that the world had screwed up and that you would be the one walking towards me?

But it wasn't. Was it?

Did you think of me on your wedding day? Did you ever secretly wish it was me you were walking toward? Even if you did, would you ever admit it to me? Because I would, I would tell you everything given the chance.

And she was even more beautiful as the bridal march echoed around the church, I could hear the murmur of people behind me watching her walk towards me. My eyes lit up as she appeared beside me. She really was the perfect bride. I was the luckiest man in the world, yet I still didn't feel complete. That's because...

She Wasn't You.

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