She Wasn't You

Chapter 13

Apparently, you're not on Facebook?

Or maybe that's just Nicola keeping you from me again all these years later? Protecting you from my advances so she can keep you close.

We had been building up quite a string of messages in the day or so we had been chatting. I would say it was like old friends catching up on old times but in truth my skin crawled every time I received a new message from her. Listening to her bullshit, it was never ending but what struck me the most was the fact that during all of these messages we had exchanged, not once had your name been mentioned.

Not once.

Odd isn't it? Considering the only real thing we had and I guess still have in common is you. She was clearly still keeping you at arms length from me. Protecting her friend but to me you still feel like you were her possession, Katie.

Saying all that, I still need her onside. I still needed to meet with her and we had decided on meeting after work tonight.

Keen? Maybe so, but the quicker I got this out of the way, the sooner you would surface again and back into my life. I'm keeping my fingers tightly crossed.

Don't let me down, Katie.

I had laid the ground work with Ellie tonight and told her I would be late how as I had been invited to drinks after work. The lies had begun to build up already. How long could I keep this undercover life afloat?

That was a problem for future me to deal with. Present me had shit to deal with and now Nicola was involved, this was going to be a very big shit to try and flush.

I knew I would get to her in advance of her finishing her shift at the shopping mall, I just had to be careful but I had planned my evening in the best way I could given the short amount of notice I had.

The anticipation was killing me, time had stood still once more. I needed to get out of here now. Excitement mixed with the fear of failure was not a good option.

I had an hour left in the office. Enough time for me to prep a little more.

                                   ~~~

The underground tube was a tricky one to try and negotiate given the amount of cameras, security guards and police patrolling all around me. I had to stay calm and act nonchalant as if I was just a run of the mill, ordinary guy just trying to navigate his way back home after yet another full day stuck behind a computer screen.

It's amazing how paranoid you become once you have committed any type of crime, let alone taking another human life. It felt like the walls around me were closing in on me when I wasn't in the safety and security of my home or the office. I felt vulnerable. Okay, I'll admit it. I was scared.

It will all be over soon, Katie and we will be together. This time for good, I promise.

I'm not sure why I did what I did when I picked up the evening newspaper as I was still front page news.

Police on hunt for suspect in Nurse murder.

My suspicions did get the better of me when I saw the headline. That mix of fear and excitement fully ingrained in my stomach. I know I shouldn't but I felt a sense of pride at what had occurred since Friday night. I was now on Day 4 on the run but reading the article and seeing the picture they had plastered on the front page left me feeling anxious. Those walls I mentioned earlier were now creeping closer towards me.

There was no doubt about it, the man in the grainy CCTV still they had obtained from some random shop near the pub was me but thankfully the image was nowhere near good enough to show my face.

Reading through the article was odd and seeing her name in front of me in black and white did sting. It almost became real, the fact I had no idea who this girl was a few days before perhaps made my actions seem less heinous, less personal.

All I knew in that moment of rage and hurt was that she wasn't you, Katie.

But now she has a name. Philippa Knowles, a trainee midwife. 27 years old and engaged.

The guilt ravaged throughout my entire body. Reverberating around me like I had just been shaken to my core.

I had taken her away from a man that loved her, I had taken away someone's child without any real reason other than her not being who I wanted her to be and a midwife. A fucking midwife! She was a caring soul, who wanted to bring new life to this crazy world we live in. She was a good person, Katie.

What have we done?!

I rolled the newspaper up and placed it inside my jacket, hiding it from sight. Like there wasn't another million copies printed and being read across the city right now.

I was brought back to the current world as the train came to a halt and the name of the station I needed was called out from the speakers. I shook the shackles that felt like they were chained around me tightly and stood up, holding on to the rail beside the sliding doors, while pressing my other arm tightly against the newspaper hidden from sight, hoping and praying it wouldn't slip through my grasp.

It was time to snap myself out of the guilt and put all of that behind me. I had a job to do and I wasn't going to stop until it was done.

As the train doors opened, I felt a rush of adrenaline course through my veins. That's now in the past, it's time to deal with the matter at hand. Stepping off with a fresh mindset.

Hood up.

Game face on...

***