She Wasn't You

Chapter 35

The funeral was a day away. Nerves began to really set in. I wasn't a murderer. Well, technically, yes I am but I mean I haven't been in the club for long. How am I meant to face all of these people that loved Nicola seeing them break down, crying, sobbing when I'm fully aware that I'm the reason we have all gathered to say goodbye. Maybe, you do just act normal? I've heard that many murderers always revisit the scene of the crime, is this my own version of that?

Whatever it was, it was happening and I had to go. I had something planned and I had no intention of not being watching my genius play out in front of my own eyes.

"Sweetheart, are you ready?"

I turned to see Ellie stood behind me with her suitcase and the two kids by her side. Smiling as I approached her, kissing her softly on her lips as I took her suitcase, wheeling it to the car.

"You know the funeral is tomorrow, right? You don't have to go now."

"I know but my parents are excited about seeing the kids, they couldn't wait another day and if I'm honest, Tommy. You've been so distant in the last few weeks, that you won't even notice we're gone."

How can she turn a weekend away visiting her parents which was planned way before all this kicked off, on me being distant? Granted I had been and I knew I had but come on that was a low blow.

"You don't have to drive us there, I can drive."

"It's not problem, you know how much I love long drives and I know I've been distant recently, work is really draining me so it will be nice to spend some quality time as a family. The kids love car games and singing a long to the radio as we go. I just need a circuit breaker from life."

Ellie looked like she bought that heartfelt story, he eyes wide and puppy like. "Well, why don't you stay with my parents too? Like we had originally planned? You didn't even know this girl, well twenty years ago, yeah but you didn't know her as she was before she died. So are you really needed there?"

Oh, if only she knew, Katie. If only she knew.

"I know but..." Technically she was right and if she had died under different circumstance, would I have gone? Actually, yeah I would have as I knew who would be there but I knew what she meant.

"But what? You know I'm right." She replied.

"It's Danny. He's actually really cut up about it. As much as he always pretended that he and Nicola wasn't a thong back then, they were and I think he hasn't got over her. I think this has hit him much harder than he thought at first. I need to be there for my best friend, Ellie. I know you would do the same thing with that golden heart of yours."

Fuck! I was good at this.

Was I always a good liar or does it just come to you naturally once you become a murderer?

The strange thing is though Katie, I'm actually starting to believe all the lies I'm telling myself. I just always had to stay alert and remember everything I've said previously. And it was tiring already. I can see why some murderers go crazy and either hand themselves in or commit suicide. It was a 24 hour, 7 day a week full time job now.

Ellie nodded and smiled an understanding smile as she closed the car door once the kids had jumped in. Placing her hands on my chest, tip-toeing to kiss me softly again. "And that's why I married you, mister. You're so selfless and kind. Danny is lucky to have a best friend like you. Almost as lucky as I am to call you my husband."

I jumped up as she unexpectedly grabbed my crotch. "And this thing is just a very good bonus."

Great, she decides to touch me there and compliment my nocturnal activities as she's about to leave for 4 days and 3 nights. Why are women like this?

"And you're sure you don't mind having to take the train back? You can take the car, I won't be needing it this weekend anyway."

"I'd prefer you to have the car, just in case you have an emergency while you're there. Your parents don't drive so it seems silly for you to have no car and me to be sat with two here on the drive. Plus, I like the train, it helps me clear my mind and I can have a few drinks in peace." I winked and smirked towards her before kissing her cheek.

"We better get going before the traffic starts getting bad."

                                   ~~~

It was a huge stroke of fortune that Ellie and the kids were going to be away this weekend, it gave me the perfect opportunity to really fulfil the plan I had in my mind.

It was 10pm by the time my tired body finally trudged through the door. The alcohol consumed on the train wasn't a huge amount but enough for me to become stupidly heavy eyed and tired by the time I got home.

I had a quick shower before doing my nightly rituals. Making sure all electrical sockets were switched off, that all windows and door were locked. I don't suffer from OCD, it was just a ritual I picked up from my Dad at a young age.

As I lay on the bed, I could smell Ellie's scent on her pillow beside me, it was comforting and I always missed her when she wasn't around.

She was the perfect wife for me, Katie. I couldn't have created a better wife for myself if I had tried. So why did I always find myself craving you? She was perfect but she wasn't you, she never could be, never will be.

Jumping up from the bed, I pulled all covers, sheets and pillow cases clean off. I needed clean sheets on the bed, I wanted no scent of Ellie around me this weekend, I didn't want to find a strand of hair of hers in the bed, no make up stains from her recent night out when she came home and crashed out before removing her make up and certainly not that dried up cum stain from our session last night.

This bed needed to be pristine, needed to be an Ellie free-zone this weekend. I took the bedding to the washing machine and loaded it in. I would sleep in one of the kids beds tonight.

Returning to the room, I did what I needed to do and looked back as I reached the door. New clean bedding, brand new candles on show. Honestly, it was as pristine and as perfect as those bedrooms you see in magazines and ideal home Instagram pages.  As perfect as I needed it and as pristine as I wanted it.

There was a method to all of this late night madness. I had a lot of work ahead of me to make it all come to fruition but it would all be worth it if the puzzle pieces came together like I had planned.

I needed to get you back home with me tomorrow, Katie. This was all for you.

***