She Wasn't You

Chapter 31

The funeral had been arranged and was only a few days away. The polices trail on me had gone cold, but it was only a matter of time before I was back in the frame, I knew deep down I would have left some sort of trail back to me so had to move swiftly if I was going to get exactly what I wanted before the police came sniffing around me once more.

Ellie and I had become distant, I think she knew that something was up with me. I was pushing her away without realising. We were beginning to argue over the smallest of things and I was the protagonist, blowing even the smallest thing out of proportion. And as horrible as it was, I found myself having no time for the kids anymore. I was pushing them away too.

I was so close to getting what I wanted that I had hit the self destruct button and had reverted back to my teenage years, where nothing else mattered but having you in my life, Katie.

I was within touching distance. We had finally reached that fork in the road of life where our lives would meet again and nothing and nobody was going to stop us riding off into the sunset together.

This was it, this was our time.

I had reached the point of cat fishing that I actually started to believe I was Bradley. It wasn't a character any more, he took over my whole persona. I enjoyed being someone else and living this separate life with no ties. No wife, no kids. Just you in my life and I was content with that, happy to have your undivided attention and I knew you felt the same. You had started spending more time online, messaging Bradley at all hours of the day. Even when I knew you were home with your husband sitting beside you.

Were you hiding your phone from him?

The only hurdle I now had to jump over was the fact that you didn't know you were talking to me. You thought I was Bradley. But nevertheless, it was clear you were grieving and vulnerable, I just had to make sure that on the day of the funeral I was close enough to you to make the most of the vulnerable state you were in and pray to God that Bradley didn't turn up.

Imagine how awkward that would be for you both? It's actually quite funny the more I think about it because neither of you would suspect me of being the catfish.

Would you?

                                  ~~~

I headed out the following afternoon during my lunch break to get my suit dry cleaned in readiness for the funeral. Danny and I had arranged to meet up for a lunchtime drink but unfortunately his work overran and there was no way he could get out of it, so it gave me an hour (or two) depending on my mood and whether or not I could be bothered to return to the office after sitting in the pub on my own. I brought my laptop with me, just so I could keep an eye on my email and judge to see if I was needed back at work.

By the 4th pint and exactly two hours later, I gave up the idea of going back and set up camp in the corner of the pub, ordering my fifth and potentially final pint before heading home.

The lunchtime rush had subsided, other office workers had taken the edge off of their days with a couple of drinks and were ready to tackle their afternoons feeling a little more refreshed.

I had the place to myself, apart from the usual suspects, a couple of older men who were spending their pension money away in here. I can only assume given their ages that they were alone and had no other place to be so who can blame them for seeing out their days in the pub? Just watching the world go by as they drank their days away without a care.

I was envious of them as I knew that I might never have the opportunity to see my life out in such a calm manner. My time in the free world could be over in the blink of an eye at the most unexpected moment in the very near future.

Another 30 minutes or so passed by before the next wave of clientele came through the doors.

The shoppers.

Mainly women who were out shopping their way to a better life, new outfits and make up to make themselves feel a little better about themselves, maybe even some sexy lingerie in hope of papering over the cracks of their failing marriages, their husbands at work eyeing up the young PA.

I wonder if Ellie considered purchasing some sexy underwear to try and see us over the bump in the road our own marriage was currently trying to navigate. Unbeknown to her, I had put the car in reverse. We were heading in one direction and it's all your fault, Katie.

My mind wondered once more.

Would you be wearing sexy underwear to the funeral? Something to surprise me with when I finally unwrapped you at the end of the night. Taking advantage of your vulnerability. You were my gift and the funeral was going to be my Christmas morning.

I was soon brought back to earth from my thoughts when the door to the pub swung open and the horrible cackle of laugher that still haunted me to this day. That loud, irritating squeal followed by being the loudest bastard in the room, even after all of this time she still craved the attention of everyone in ear shot. It had been a while but I didn't need to look up to see who had just arrived.

Caroline.

I found myself sliding down the seat I was on in hope of not being seen, she was with a friend I had never met. Which was a good thing as if I were to run across the pub right now and wrap my hands around her neck, she wouldn't recognise me and believe me, it took all of my self restraint from doing just that.

I despised this woman with every part of my being. This woman broke me in ways I couldn't imagine, she killed me mentally, drained my confidence. By the time our three year relationship had ended, I was a shell of my previous self. This woman was evil, she would fuck your mind and well-being while under her spell, everyone could see it but me. I allowed myself to suffer three years of mental torture.

I should have followed my gut in school and continued to hate her, why did I allow myself to fall in love with her? I could have avoided all of the pain, anguish and years of recovery. Maybe it was all my fault? Maybe I deserved it.

If only it was her that night in the pub and not Philippa. If only she had been your annoying friend in school and not Nicola. Maybe, just maybe they would still be alive and she would be the one currently having her funeral arranged, maybe her family would be suffering like Philippa and Nicola's right now.

How can I allow her to sit there, living her best life after she made up lie after lie about me to you, she got into your head too, didn't she Katie? She must have done, otherwise you wouldn't have blocked me. You believed her lies, you trusted her more than you trusted me.

She's the monster, Katie. Not me!

The anger inside me was building just at the site of her sitting across the room, breathing the air that she doesn't deserve to be inhaling.

I knew what I had to do.

***