Somewhere Only We Know (boyxboy) (kellic)

Chapter 66

(Poem by JL?)

I often find myself
craving the kind of love
that always ceases to exist

And I starve for a soul
that will never know
how much it is missed

-
Vic's POV

I was so distracted today. The epiphany I had reached only left me with more of a chaotic mind. All the outcomes of any decision I could possibly make, were all terrible in my eyes. Sure, someone would be happy, but someone would also be heart broken. I just wanted all of this to stop. I was so tired of it. Why couldn't things just be easier for me?

If I had dilaudid...I wouldn't have to worry about any of this.

"You okay?" Kellin asked, waving his hand in front of my face. I looked up at him and nodded, smiling.

"Yea, sorry." I sighed. "Just...thinking."

"Yea, no shit. What's on your mind, baby?" Kellin asked, popping some chips into his mouth. I smiled at the word. He had been calling me that a lot lately.

"Uh..." I didn't want to lie to him, so I settled for half of the truth. "I just really feel like shooting up...sorry."

Kellin frowned, putting his chips down. "Hey, thinking about that's not gonna do you any good, baby. How about some hot sex to cheer you up?" Kellin laughed.

I knew he was joking but it kinda sucked that that's how he reacted to me whenever I talked about my cravings. I appreciated that he wanted to make me feel better with jokes and it did help in the moment, but I guess I just wish he'd let me talk about it more. I think it makes him uncomfortable though, and sad. And I don't like him feeling that way. I laughed with him and snuggled into his side. He kissed the top of my head.

"But really, is there anything I can do to help? A distraction? Maybe we could go somewhere?" Kellin asked.

"No, I think I just want to cuddle with you until I have to leave." I answered.

"Why do you have to leave? I was thinking maybe you could sleepover...it's been a while since you've stayed here, my moms missed you."

I hadn't slept at his house since we had broken up. It wasn't that I didn't want to, because I would fucking love to, I just had plans with Max later today.

"Well, as much as I want to, I can't. I have plans with Max later. Maybe I could spend the night tomorrow?" I asked, afraid of his answer. I know how much he hates Max and I really don't want an argument right now.

"You're still hanging out with him?" Kellin scoffed. Here we go, I knew it. He pulled his arm away from me and sat up straighter on his bed, turning to me as I sat up too.

"Yes. He's my friend, and you know that. I'm allowed to hang out with my friends." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Are you serious right now? You know I have a problem with him." Kellin spoke, annoyed.

"Well I don't have a problem with him. And you're not my boyfriend, you can't keep me from hanging out with a friend when you're one yourself."

"We'd have gotten back together a long time ago if you'd just drop him already!"

"I'm not doing this with you right now. When you're ready to stop acting like a jealous ex boyfriend, call me." I said, standing up and heading towards his room door.

"That's all you have to say? You don't even care about how I feel! Just admit you don't want to make this work!" Kellin shouted.

That sparked something in me. I turned around, completely pissed off. "Are you fucking kidding me?! ALL I've done is try to make this work! I've been trying to make us work since we were fucking kids! That's all I ever do! I always try to fix things, I always try to keep you from running!" I yelled, walking out of his room. He followed behind me.