Somewhere Only We Know (boyxboy) (kellic)

Chapter 52

(Save me By Shinedown)

"Couldn't handle forgiveness, now I'm far beyond gone."

-
Vic's POV

My mama had been home for a few weeks now, she's been going to the hospital for treatment, although at this point, it was just to lessen her pain, and now it was just a waiting game. I don't stay home much because I don't like seeing her this way.

Sick. Fragile. Hurt.

It makes my stomach turn to look at her anymore. Of course, I still spend time with her, I love her. I'm not angry at her anymore. It just hurts too much to see her suffering. The nights that I choose to sleep at home, result in waking up at multiple time in the night, to her loud, hard coughing. My papa usually takes care of her and cleans up the blood that ends up all over her sheets and her mouth. Whenever I have to do it, I do it as quickly as possible. I never thought I'd have to see her like this. I never wanted to and I'm still stuck, wondering why God chose me to do this to. Why HE chose her life to cut short.

I often wondered if it was my fault. Is it because I stopped going to church for so long? Is because of all of the times that I cursed HIM for making me gay? Is it because I've brought nothing but sin and disappointment to this family? 

I'm not sure if I'll ever get the answers I'm looking for. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to comprehend why this happened. All I know, is, I'll never be ready to let go of her and losing her, will only leave me a hollow shell, of my former self.

"You staying here tonight?" My papa asked. I blinked, startled. I've been spacing out a lot lately. I've been tired lately.

"No." I answered.

And that was the end of our conversation. He still hated me. But this was our daily and nightly routine. I stood up from the couch, turned the TV off and headed to my mama's room.

There she was, sitting up in bed, watching TV like I'd been. She looked pale and exhausted. I ignored the tightening in my chest and went over to her bed and sat down. She smiled at me, a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.

I forced one back.

"You going to Kellin's now, mi hijito?" She asked. I didn't like lying to her, but as usual, I nodded.

"Yea, he's expecting me right now, I better get going. Have a goodnight, mama. I love you." I spoke.

She smiled at me and I gave her a kiss on the cheek, one she returned.

I stood up, but she stopped me. She gave me a curious look.

"Are you alright? Your eyes are a little red. Have you been getting enough sleep?" She asked.

I nodded. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"You've been tired a lot lately. You better tell Kellin to let you sleep." She laughed. I felt guilty when she said that. I smiled at her and waved before leaving the room.

I left the house and started my usual walk to Jeremy's house.

He was waiting outside for me like he always did. He nodded his head at me and motioned to his backyard. I smiled my first genuine smile of the day and followed him out back. His parents were never home so staying with him had been really easy. We just had to be careful about what time I'd show up. We were sneaky enough to pull it off.