Somewhere Only We Know (boyxboy) (kellic)

Chapter 38

(Masters Of Self Destruction by Aeerdna)

We are the masters of self destruction trying to numb the pain with wine and drugs
And smoke filling up our lungs,
We write down in lines with no rhyme
All the things that make our souls burn and die.
Our poems bleed
We drink their blood
Then we write again,
Listening to stupid songs all night
Wishing sometimes we were deaf.

-
Vic's POV

I had left the hospital a few hours ago after having visited Max. I was in damn near tears, standing outside of Dani's house. My hands were clammy and shaking. I felt like I'd have a heart attack. I didn't want to lose her. I love her. As a friend, but I love her. I didn't want to hurt her.

I found myself regretting ever cheating on her with Kellin, regretting lying to her since the start. I had been acting so stupid all year. First with fucking up with Alan and Jenna and the GSA, then doing drugs of which Kellin still had no clue about, and finally, lying and cheating on one of the only people who actually cared about me and had my back. I just felt all this self hatred weighing down on me and I was afraid it'd never go away.

I stared at my feet as I waited for Dani to come outside. When she did, her smile was as bright and big as ever. She was glowing like she often did and engulfed me in a bone crushing hug, making sure to place a few kisses on my cheek. She pulled away and stood back, smiling.

"Come inside, we have food!" Dani chuckled, taking my hand. I pulled it away quickly and looked away from her. I couldn't look at her knowing I would break her heart in in a matter of seconds.

I was holding up okay, the tears were only building, not falling.

"What's wrong?" Dani asked, taking my hands. That's when the tears decided to fall. I bit my lip and breathed deeply through my nose. "Look at me, baby. I'm here. You can tell me anything, I love you."

I shook my head furiously, squeezing her hands. "I ch-cheated on you."

Silence followed. Her hands remained in mine. "I-It wasn't once...I did it mult-tiple t-times with, with...with a b-boy. I didn't think I'd ever t-take it this far but, but I didn't want to c-come out, and-and you liked me. I'm so sorry. I'm so f-fucking sorry, Dani."

I finally looked at her as I finished speaking. My face was stained with tears and when I looked at her, she was already looking back at me. Her eyes held an immeasurable amount of pain I had never seen in her before. Her mouth hung slightly opened as she looked at me.

"Please say something..." I whispered, trying not to cry anymore.

She kept her eyes on mine as they glossed over. "Did you ever feel anything? At all?"

I remained quiet as I tried to stop the sob that so desperately wanted to escape my lips. She took her hands out from mine, stepping backwards slowly.

"Don't you ever....ever talk to me again." She spoke, finally letting out a harsh sob.

"Dani, w-wait!" I yelled desperately, reaching out for her hand. She kept walking. "You're still my best friend, p-please, I'm sorry!"

She turned around, anger radiating from her face as she cried. "I clearly wasn't if you could lie to me for months! Best friend?! How the fuck could you say that?! I fucking love you! You lead me to believe that you loved me just as much, and for what? So you could keep me as a beard and fuck some dude behind my back? You were never my fucking friend, you piece of shit!"

She ran up onto her front porch and hurried inside her house, slamming the door. I was left standing there, shellshocked. I walked slowly, staring ahead at the road I was now on. I walked out into a busy street and let the many cars zoom by me. Some cars swerved to avoid me, honking their horns. I cried as I thought about what a terrible person I truly was. These cars should run me over. I should be hit. I should die.

"COME ON! FUCKING HIT ME! HIT ME!" I screamed, pounding my hands against my chest.

To my surprise I was hit with another body as we plummeted onto the sidewalk. I couldn't help but to laugh as this had been the second time I had wanted to kill myself. My laughter turned to loud, obnoxious sobs within a second and the person I had yet to look at, held me against their chest. I calmed down enough so I could speak.

"I'm a terrible person...you should have let me die." I whispered, no longer crying.

"You may have done some shitty things, but you're not awful. Look at me."

I looked up at the man holding me. It was Alan. I was confused as to why he would help me. He should hate me.

"W-Why did you...why did you stop me?" I asked, nervously. I hadn't faced him since that day that I hit him. Alan frowned and rubbed my arm a little.

"Because no one should have to go through this alone." Alan spoke. "This has nothing to do with the past. This is about you falling apart, and I want to be here for you even if you don't deserve it."

I didn't say anything. We stood up, beginning to walk although I was unsure of where to. He held my arm the whole way (probably as precaution) and none of us said a word.

We wound up in his backyard, sitting down under an apple tree. He just sort of stared at me; I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face while I looked up at the sky. He finally broke the silence once he figured I wouldn't be the one to spill.

"Give me your phone." Alan said. I didn't care at this point. I didn't want to know why. The thought of dying still lingered in my mind. I took my phone out from my pocket and placed it on the grass beneath us.

A moment later I heard him speak.

"Um, hey, this is Alan, uh, Vic's with me and I think you should come get him. I don't think he wants his parents to know, so don't tell them, but, he tried hurting himself."

I closed my eyes as I imagined the many cars speeding by me. The wind pushing my hair back, the slight fear in the pit of my stomach as I stand in the middle of the road, the determination to die, settling in. The car going just a little too fast to stop as it heads my way.

"Vic. Vic!"

My eyes snapped open as I jump back at Alan's voice. He's standing now, with Kellin standing next to him.

I briefly wondered how long I was lost in my thoughts.

I frowned up at Kellin. He helped me up and put an arm around me, mumbling a quick 'thanks' to Alan before walking us to his moms car. He sat in the backseat with me and held my hand.

"Alan told me what happened." Kellin spoke. "Please tell me why you did it...you could have talked to me."

Still, I said nothing.

A/N: What'd ya think?

Also, is anyone a Keaton Henson fan? Cause I just ordered my first piece of his art/merch and it was $91 and if I'm the first 200 people, it'll be signed, soooo I'm suuuuuper happy and just dying to get it!

On another note, I'm starting a new story soon (:< it's gonna be liiiiiit omg I'm so excited to write it haha, won't be as long as this one lmao, this ones prob ending at around 50-60 chaps lol not sure yet.

Also, time skip in this might be coming soon. It won't be too big of a time skip.

And finally, are there any concerts you're looking forward to?

-Kim