Somewhere Only We Know (boyxboy) (kellic)

Chapter 44

(Killing loneliness by HIM)

Nailed to a cross, together
As solitude begs us to stay
Disappear in the lie, forever
And denounce the power of death over our souls
As secret words are said to start a war
With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

-
Vic's POV

I couldn't stop pacing my room. Everything was wrong. I wanted to run away, I wanted to hide. I ran the conversation with my dad over in my head and then remembered what he said about Kellin being here earlier. I stopped pacing and my heart began to race, I quickly grabbed my phone and called him; It went straight to voicemail.

I called again. And again. And again. And again. And not once did he answer. How bad was the fight? What did I say? What did he say?

I suddenly, like always, just wanted to forget anything was happening. I knew I shouldn't but I knew I wanted to more than I didn't....so I split a Xanax in half, and took that one. It wouldn't be as strong as having taken the whole one, so it's okay. It's completely okay. Its not like im hurting anyone, right? It's all about pacing yourself. It's not like I was doing dilaudid again.

Within minutes, I was starting to feel relaxed, though, not as good as the first time. My anxiety was slowed, so I decided to go see Kellin. I didn't want to lose him. What could we have possibly fought about anyway? Did he find out about my freak out at school? But why would that anger him?

My head was spinning with a million questions as I walked to his house. I felt like I couldn't think but I also felt like all I could do was think. I shook my head and lightly hit it with a closed fist. As if that would somehow help.

I knocked on Kellin's front door as soon as I stepped onto the porch. I waited a minute and when nobody came to the door, I knocked again, a little louder this time. This time, the door opened immediately, as if he had just be standing there.

"What do you want?" Kellin spat, crossing his arms.

I frowned, still unsure of what the fight was about.

"I-My dad said you came over? I...I don't remember...first time getting high and all." I chuckled, in attempt to lighten the mood. But that seemed to enrage him. He scowled at me and slammed the door behind him, pushing me further away from the door.

"Oh, is that so? So you weren't shooting up before?" Kellin asked.

My heart dropped. I shook my head. "W-What?"

His eyes watered as he continued to look at me with an angry face. "Why didn't you tell me? How long were you doing it? Did you...did it get bad?"

I clenched my jaw and for once, I couldn't lie to him. "I just wanted to stop hating myself so much."

Kellin frowned.

"And-And...Max had done it before so I figured I would be fine too but-"

"Max? Is he the one who gave it to you? Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm gonna kill him." Kellin growled, walking past me. I don't even think he knew where he was going, considering he didn't know where Max even lived.

"What? No, stop!" I yelled. He looked at me, the anger still radiating off of him. "He told me not to but I wanted to and I wouldn't take no for an answer. It's not his fault, this is my fault." I spoke.