Somewhere Only We Know (boyxboy) (kellic)

Chapter Six

(A poem by stupid-little-poems.tumblr.com )

I looked at you and I couldn't grasp you.
I thought you were like the stars, gentle and beautiful at first sight.
But when I looked closer; when I got to know you, I learned that you were exactly like them, because I couldn't reach you.
I couldn't feel you, but only admire you.
-
Vic's POV

These damn feelings were getting me to tip over the iceberg soon. I'm fucking fourteen, and I'm still afraid to come out. I know Kellin's supportive of the LGBT community because we have a lesbian friend named Jenna. That doesn't take away the stress though, if I were to come out to him.

I don't want anything to change between us. I couldn't handle that from him; change. I like the way we are, I always have. Fuck, I've never not told him anything, you know, apart from my sexuality and my crush On him, but that's remaining a secret for a very long time. I doubt I'm ever gonna come out.

I have supportive parents and stuff, but I just don't know where the supportive line ends at. What if they don't want a gay son? I'm their only son, they probably want grandchildren. Oh god, Vic. You're gonna have to marry a woman.

"Oh no." I frowned. My thoughts were downright frightening me to no end. I could always tell Jenna....but I wouldn't ever risk Kellin finding out. Or anyone else for that matter.

Which is why, I'm not going to tell Jenna either.

Everyday I kinda just kept praying I would magically not be gay, or not have any feelings for kellin, but that just wasn't working out.

And when I say praying, I fucking meant praying.

Like right now. I was kneeling on the floor of my room, arms on my bed, hands together as I closed my eyes.

"Hey, God. So, remember yesterday, and the entire week before when I asked you to make me straight? Yea, well...um...I'm still waiting on that. I know you kind of really don't like gay people anyway, so why don't you just make it easier on both of us and get me out of this mess? That includes, not liking Kellin anymore too. Thank you so much for listening. Oh, I'm sorry I've only kept complaining about my problems to you, but I promise I'll start praying more for better reasons. Again, Thank you God, and Amen."

I stood up from the floor and sighed. I threw myself onto my bed and under the covers. It wasn't even night time yet but I wasn't feeling up for anything today. Kellin had messaged me earlier and I had totally ignored it. I had just been so caught up in my feelings that I didn't want to hear about his right now.

The next call I got though, made me regret not replying or even reading his text.

Kellin was calling. He hates phone calls.

I sat up and answered my phone, a little worried.

"Kell?"

Immediately, my heart singed and I stood up. He was crying on the other end.

"V-Vic, I..." He was cut off from his own sob. A crying friend is never good, but the way he was crying told me this wasn't something little. This was the heavy crying, the kind you couldn't do unless you were alone and you hit rock bottom, the kind where it almost hurts to breathe and your head spins after your chest starts to tighten. This is how you cry when you just don't care anymore. "I can-can't, please, V-Vic. I can't, I can't, I-I can't..."

"I'm coming over, don't do anything please." I spoke, frantic.

If I had to pick the scariest thing that ever happened to me...I'd have to say it's times like these when Kellin calls.

I slipped my shoes on and checked my messages. The one from Kellin made my heart stop for a second.

I need you

I suddenly felt this wave of guilt hit me, but I didn't have time to endure it right now, I could worry about that later. So I sped out the front door of my house in a sprint, I was going as fast as my short legs would take me. He lived on the opposite end of the block so it wasn't too far.

When I got to his house, I went straight to the plant next to the door and dug around for his key. It was always here so it wasn't a surprise when I found it easily.

I ran in and straight down the hall to where I knew his room was. I tired the doorknob but it was locked.

"Kellin, it's me! It's Vic! I'm here!" I shouted. I heard nothing in return for a few moments, my heart pounding like a drum in my ears. And then the door opened.

My heart broke at the sight; Kellin's tear stained face still producing more and more tears as he kept his mouth shut to try and silence the sound.

I didn't hesitate in pulling him into my chest and wrapping my arms around him.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's back...I c-can't do it, I can't do it, I-I can't...Vic, I just f-feel so sc-scared...h-how do I know?"

"I'm here...you're okay. You're safe, you're okay. You know this is real because I'm here. Just keep listening to my voice...I'm real, I'm here. You're real, you're here. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you." I whispered.

"When did it start, Kell?" I asked quietly. I hated when this happened to him. It just wasn't fair.

"Th-Three ni-ghts ag-ago...I'm s-sorry..." He stressed. "I'm sorry." He balled my shirt up in his fist and cried harder into my chest. His breathing was getting out of control and I had to try to calm him down.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm not mad. It's okay. But you need to tell me as soon as it happens, you know that. Did you tell your mom?"

He shook his head. His breathing was slowing back to its regular pattern. He looped his arms around my neck.

"Man, I never thought you'd be taller than me." I laughed lightly. He let out a half-assed, forced laugh.

"Y-You couldn't stay taller than me for too long."

We stood there in his doorway, he was breathing easy now. But the tightness of his grip on me didn't falter. I rubbed his back soothingly and subconsciously pressed a soft kiss to his neck. And in that second, I could hear his breathing speed up. And for a second there, as soon as I had done it, I had felt like I committed the worst crime. Until his breathing slowed again.

"How do you do that?" He asked, nuzzling his face in my neck. I could feel the warmth and dampness of his face, my neck getting slightly wet. I could care less right now.

"Do what?" I asked, trying not to lose my cool that I had done what I did.

"You just...make everything better...even when it still sucks."

And I didn't answer. I wasn't sure how to, because he did the same for me.