Somewhere Only We Know (boyxboy) (kellic)

Chapter 39

(Untitled By E.H.)

I was the type of person
That held onto things too tight
Unable to release my grip
When it no longer felt right
And although it gave me blisters
And my fingers would all ache
I always thought that holding on
Was worth the pain it takes

I used to think in losing things
I'd lose part of me too
That slowly I'd become someone
My heart no longer knew
Then one day something happened
I dropped what I had once held dear
But m soul became much lighter
Instead of filled with fear

And it Taught my heart that some things
Aren't meant to last for long
They arrive to teach you lessons
And then continue on
You don't have to cling to people
Who no longer make you smile
Or do something you've come to hate

If it isn't worth your while
That sometimes the thing you're fighting
Isn't worth the cost
And not everything you ever lose
Is bound to be a loss

-
Vic's POV

The silence was almost comforting. I sat quietly in Kellin's bed, staring at his door, kind of like a dog does when it's waiting for someone to open it. Kellin hadn't told his mom what I'd done. I was thankful because I didn't want my parents to know. I'd probably be hospitalized, especially if they knew this wasn't the first time I wanted this. It was like as soon as I was starting to feel better about myself, I realized I didn't deserve to. Not for the kind of person I'd been, the kind of person I am. I'm a piece of shit. By this point, I couldn't think of anything better than killing myself.

But maybe...maybe an old friend would save me. Revisiting is easy if you want it enough. And I wanted this so much.

After all, I wasn't too keen on keeping any promises I had made anymore.

"Please tell me what happened. I've been feeling that way myself, lately...I won't judge you." Kellin spoke.

That snapped me out of my silence.

"What?" I asked.

"It's okay." Kellin smiled sadly. "I tell my mom when it's really intense. Um...I've been too afraid to tell you about my diagnosis. But, uh, do you remember when we were in middle school and I'd get super paranoid and freak out a ton? That shit sucked, but it never went away. I just kind of stopped telling you 'cause I felt like I was being annoying and shit. Anyway, I have this thing, and I promise I'll tell you about it, but first you have to tell me what happened today."

I sighed heavily as I mustered up the courage to speak again. "I told her everything."

Kellin cocked an eyebrow, not quite understanding what I meant. I shuffled closer to him on the bed and refrained from holding his hand. I didn't want to betray Max.

"Dani. I told her about us."

Kellin's eyes lit up with panic. I put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. "Hey, don't freak out. I didn't tell her it was you. She just knows about what I did. She didn't take it well. She doesn't want me in her life anymore and...well, I hate myself."

"Vic...I'm so sorry." Kellin frowned. He moved a little closer to me and held one of my hands, rubbing his thumb across the back of it.

"Don't be. I'm toxic. I don't deserve any sympathy."

Suddenly, his other hand was on my cheek. I shut my eyes as I relished in the warmth he gave me. He moved his face closer to mine.