To have and to hold Chapter 34

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WARNING this chapter contains highly sensitive topics, including

- Substance abuse
- Racism
- Microagressions
- Discussion of sexual assault/harassment
- Victim blaming
- Dismissal of sexual harassment/assault

If you are triggered by any of the following please read at your own risk.

Stay safe.

Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.

-Sarah Cross

When she finally slowed to halt, the teen really didn't know where she was. It was a highly forested area, the hazy fog of late afternoon dew clung to the tall grass, masking the emerald tones in a lazy gray film. The mountainous area swirling upwards, the sun unable to break through the heavy canopy of leaves. The road was ending, a closed off gate separating the trees from pavement.

Looking at her bike forlornly, she pulled off to the side of the road, the engine cutting through the peaceful silence. Opening up one of her side bags, she dug through it, finding an almost full bottle of cheap whiskey and a knife holster for her thigh. Clicking it on, she settled it in, tucking the bottle as she headed off. Her baby safely hidden away to the side. Heading off on a dirt trail she let the silence of the wooded area take her.

Of course, there was the languorous chirp of birds, the eneverated sounds of bugs and other small critters. The entire atmosphere was just... so torpid.

Her boots crunch as she walked up the path, the scent of wet bark and flowers hanging in the air. Sighing, she climbs onward, just heading in one direction, not caring if she was getting herself lost, not caring if she wouldn't be able to find her way out. Just... she just walked... just walked.

The trees got thicker after the first hour, squeezing together, twisting, with a certain chaotic grace that only nature could create. Belle didn't know what to do... what to feel.

Derek didn't want her. That's all she could think of. It was a mistake, she was a mistake.

Guess he and her dad really do have quite a bit in common.

When the vegetation does finally thin out, she starts seeing why. It was a steep cliffed area, the angle of the rock almost at 90°.  The land just... stopped, it just drops and then, a forest. Hills of trees and warm colours littering the view, the sun slowly but surely dipping lower and lower into the sky. Looking around, she finds a flat large rock, humming she sits, crossing her legs as she stares out into oblivion. Taking a swing of the alcohol, ignoring the sharp cheap taste she just began to loose herself. Drifting in and out of thoughts.

You did it to yourself Winchester. She thinks, taking another mouthful, got attached and he fuckin left. Just like everyone in your life.

She pauses, for a second, a chuckle raising to her lips. There it was, the common factor. It wasn't them... it was her. She was the problem. Belle stares out at the landscape, unable to focus on anything else.

Yeah, she was the problem.

Grunting as she chugs the burning amber she gasps, laughter spilling out from her and mixing with tears. Collapsing in on herself as she throws her body back, looking up at the sky. The blue, suddenly less intense and the buzz just a little stronger.

Present day, with Derek, At Osier High

The man stays frozen as Belle leaves, his words ringing in his ears.

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