more than a girlfriend - billie eilish

hurting

title: xanny - billie and finneas

billie's POV

-------------------------------

after elle pushes me onstage i jog back and hug her one last time. finneas stops singing and gives me a worried look. "is she alright?" finneas asks. "she keeps trying to convince me she is but i really don't think she is." i answer. "is anyone with her?" he asks, looking backstage. "yeah, she's with mom" i nod. "so are we gonna go back to the hotel or what's going on?" he asks. "she wants me to finish the show. i know i should be with her right now and going back to the hotel would be the reasonable choice but that's not what she wants. i just want to make her happy and if finishing the show is what is going to do that, then that's what i'm gonna do." i explain. "alright." he nods.

"okay. i'm sorry for the delay, hopefully finneas didn't bore you too much. he shouldn't have, he's fucking amazing but you get my point." i start. "WHAT HAPPENED? IS ELLE OKAY? WHERE'S ELLE?" people yell throughout the arena. "though i thought it'd be best to go back to the hotel, ellie says the show must go on so here we are." i explain, running my hand through my hair. the music starts playing and i half heartedly sing along with it.

about fifteen minutes later mom and claudia come on stage and i feel a hand on my arm. i stop jumping and the music stops as they whisper to me. they tell me we're going to the hospital and elle is going to need stitches and i immediately picture the small puddle of blood on the floor in the green room surrounded by chunks of elle's hair. "okay. go get her in the car." i order. they rush backstage and i run my hand through my hair. "i am so, so, so sorry but the show is going to have to be ended here. i'm going to do everything i can to postpone it but i really have to go. i love you guys and stay safe. once again, i am so sorry. elle is top priority." i explain and put the mic on the stand and run out, grabbing finneas by the hand after he takes his guitar off of his chest and places it on the ground.

we run out to the car and i see dad putting elle into the car. i get in and finneas gets in soon after and we drive to the hospital. "is she asleep? how could you let her fall asleep?" i yell. "she passed out" dad explains. "please god let her wake up this time. please" i whisper under my breath. my heart is beating out of my chest as i look down at elle.

we get to the hospital and i pick elle up, running inside with her in my arms. claudia explains everything that happened and they take her from me, putting her on a bed and wheeling her away. i run alongside the bed and they get her into a room. "first we're just going to disinfect the gash and then we're going to have to put staples in. i know that sounds crazy but it works." the nurse explains, putting gloves on and moving her hair out of the way. elle wakes up and looks around. "what the fu- FUCK!" she screams as the nurse starts to disinfect the wound. "it's okay ellie. you're okay. hold my hand." i say in a soothing tone and offer her my hand. she squeezes it tightly and they finish cleaning it. "okay. now we're going to have to put the staples in. are you ready?" the nurse asks. "the fu- staples?" she furrows her eyebrows and looks at me like the nurses are crazy. "they say it works. but don't worry." i tell her. "don't worry?! they're putting staples in my head!" she exclaims. "you'll be alright. i promise. we do this all the time." the nurse tells her. "well i'm sorry britney, i didn't know you learned how to use a stapler in nursing school!" she shouts. "i apologize, she gets very upset when she's in pain." i explain. "don't fucking apologize for me billie!" she yells. "hey, hey. it's alright. just take a deep breath and squeeze my hand." i say. she does as told and holds onto my hand. "okay. i'm ready." she nods. the nurse puts three staples in her head and she squeezes my hand tightly with every staple. "that fucking hurt" she groans. "alright. i think you're all done here. the doctor will be in to give you your prescription soon." the nurse explains, taking her gloves off, tossing them in the trash and walking out. (a/n: my brother actually got staples in his head because of me. it was an accident of course and we laugh about it now but i cried while in the waiting room because i felt so bad that it was my fault he had to get them. if you want more explanation, just dm me)

the doctor comes in about ten minutes later and sits down. "hello elle. i'm doctor jones. i hear you just got staples in your head. been there done that" he laughs, making elle fake laugh. "so, i'm going to prescribe you some pain killers and you'll come back here in about two weeks." he explains. "i can't come back in about two weeks. we're on tour right now" she answers. "alright well in two weeks go to your nearest instacare and explain your situation." he shrugs. elle rolls her eyes and he ignores it.

after about half an hour we are finally back in the hotel room and elle and i are laying in my bed. "i'm sorry billie." she sighs, breaking the silence. "for what?" i furrow my eyebrows slightly. "i'm sorry for going this far and having to get fucking staples in my head. i blacked out" she explains. "it's okay ellie. it's not your fault." i respond, holding her closer to me. i kiss her forehead and she snuggles into me. "i'm just glad you're okay. i'm glad you woke up." i tell her, feeling my eyes well up with tears at the thought of her not waking up again. "me too." she agrees in almost a whisper. "i love you ellie." i remind her. "i love you too." she says with a small smile, pressing our lips together softly.

thank you for letting her wake up.