more than a girlfriend - billie eilish

just let me hold you

title: hostage - billie and finneas

billie's POV

just a quick warning, this chapter lowkey made me cry and i didn't even have to write it but i feel like it may be crucial to the story. i love you all and if you ever need someone to talk to, my dms are always open.

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"you are my strange addiction. my doctors can't explain, my symptoms or my pain but you are my strange addiction" i sing, hearing the entire arena singing along with me. just as i start to do the dance claudia runs on stage and grabs me by the arm. "elle needs you. right now. i tried to help her but i couldn't. she started screaming your name and i said i'd go get you. you need to go. now." she explains. my heart sinks and i run off stage, handing finneas the mic and running as fast as i could to the green room. as i get closer i hear elle's voice screaming for me.

one i reach it i find elle curled up in a ball on the floor with tears streaming down her face as she screams. i rush to her side and grab her. "it's okay baby. i'm here. it's okay. it's okay." i tell her, rubbing her back. i run to the fridge and grab one of the reusable water bottles mom brought and bring it over to her. she drinks some of it and continues breathing heavily. i rummage through my bag and find my inhaler. i help her use it but she continues hyperventilating. "it's okay, it's okay. it's alright. i'm here." i say, trying to stay calm as i hold her to my chest. she wraps her arms around me tightly and i rub her back. "it's okay. you're okay. you're okay. i'm here. it's okay." i shush her soothingly though my voice breaks slightly. i see strands of elle's hair on the floor along with a small puddle of blood and a rag. i subtly look for injuries on her body but i can't find anyway.  

i hate seeing elle like this. obviously she's having a hard time with everything that's going on right now. i just need to be here for her. that's all i'm worried about right now. i don't know what they're doing onstage but i don't care. elle is all that i care about.

she loosens up a little and i keep her in my arms. "here, play with this" i tell her, grabbing one of the stress toys from my backpack. it's a ball that you can stretch and mold and stuff. it's actually really relaxing. elle squeezes it tightly and i pick her up. i sit on the couch and sit her on my lap. i wrap my arms around her and she turns around so she's facing me. she puts the stress ball down and hugs me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. i rub her back and rest my chin on her shoulder. i hear finneas singing into a microphone and the crowd cheering him on. a few seconds later someone knocks on the door and it opens. mom gives me a concerned look as she stands in the doorway. "i got it" i mouth to her, gesturing for her to leave. she nods and steps out. elle sniffles and hugs me tighter. "i know. there's a lot going on and i know that's difficult for you to handle. but i'm here. i'm always going to be here. you know that. it's you and i, ellie. always and forever. i'm here." i tell her, running my finger through her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other. "it's just been really hard to deal with everything that's going on right now with father and elizabeth and the wedding and tour and just.... everything. and believe me, i feel so bad about taking you away from your show but i really just needed you to tell me everything was going to be alright. i was having a panic attack and though claudia tried to help, i just couldn't calm down. i didn't know i was screaming your name until claudia told me to try to calm down and she would go get you." elle explains. "just like i said elle, if you ever need me i'm here. i don't care about the show right now. all i care about is you. you're going to be my wife ellie. we're going to be married. and then we're going to have kids and we'll be happy. it's going to be you and i for the rest of our lives. and yeah, sometimes things will be difficult, but we'll always get through it, just like how you're going to get through this. together. i'm always going to be by your side, through everything. just try to think of anything else. think about our lives together in the very near future. that's what gets me through everything. that's what motivates me to do things i don't want to do. you. you get me through everything. so i need you to stay here with me and i promise to stay with you. always and forever" i tell her, rubbing her back and speaking in almost a whisper. "always and forever." she sniffles. she hugs me tighter and i keep my arms around her. "and we will stay here until you are ready because you're my top priority." i continue. "you need to get back out there bil." she says, pulling away and wiping her eyes. "i'll be alright." she says with a small nod. "are you sure? because i'm not going to leave unless you want me to" i argue. "i want you to go out there and not worry about me because i'll be alright. i promise." she explains, getting off of me and helping me up. she wipes a tear i didn't even know had fallen from my cheek and kisses me. "i love you so much" she whispers. "i love you way more." i respond. "always and forever" she holds out her pinky and i link it with mine. "always and forever."