Oracle Of The Moon

Little one -Lucy's POV

Lucy's POV-

I felt cold. I felt cold and empty.

At first, I was crushed; totally and completely. It was like their unacceptance was too much for me to bear on top of everything that I had already been through. The weight of them not wanting me in their pack had smushed what little spirit and will I had left. I had been beaten down for so long in my life that I had no fight left to give.

I wasn't asking for much, a chance was all I wanted. But who was I to argue with them... they already knew I wasn't Luna material? I wasn't enough... I never would be.

Who was I kidding? Even entertaining the idea of being Kale's mate was laughable. Kale had been right the first time we met... I was just fucking crazy. The Moon Goddess talking to me? I was just mentally unstable. The abuse that I had endured for my whole life must have finally caught up to me and I just created illusions in my head. I was a crazy person, not a Luna.

"Lucy," Kale knocked on the door softly trying to get me to come out.

It had been like that for a week. He'd knock and try to get me out, I'd ignore it. I couldn't come out. I'd have to face people if I came out. In my room, I was safe. Safe from ridicule, safe from the stares, safe from the hurt. In my room, I could just be numb... Out there I was forced to feel. I didn't want to feel anything anymore... never again.

Kale opened the door after several more knocks and I hid under the covers. It had been like that for the past week too. The day after the pack dinner and I hadn't come out for breakfast or training, he forced his way into my room, and I hid from him like the coward that I am.

I couldn't face him. How was I supposed to when I knew what a fraud I was? I had told him that I was his mate, but all that I really was, was a worthless slave. I wasn't worthy of him or his pack. I didn't deserve them. Practically anybody but me would be better and more suited for them. Anyone but me.

"Luce, come on..." His voice was strained, and I felt awful for letting this get this far. He cared about me when I definitely didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve him. "Luce, please... Please come out. I-I..." He sighed and sat on my bed. I burrowed further into my blankets.

Usually, he'd just say a few words and then leave. This was highly unusual. I could hear the sheer rawness in his voice. He was practically begging me to come out. Alphas don't beg... ever.

I wanted to come out. I wanted to see him. But I knew that If I saw him then I'd feel something, I didn't want to feel anything. If I felt the happiness of seeing him, I'd eventually have to feel the sadness of him leaving me because of who I am. I didn't want the sadness. I didn't want to hurt any more.

He let out a long sigh and I could feel his whole-body sag in exhaustion. I felt awful for causing him all of this. I wasn't worth this feeling in him.

"Lucy... I-I'm so lost with out you. I hate this." His voice broke and tears immediately fell out of my eyes involuntarily.

I couldn't handle this. My wolf just wanted to go to him and bask in his attention and let him make me feel better, but I knew the pain that it would cause as soon as he figured out what the rest of his pack already knew... After he rejected me.

"I told myself not to let myself get attached to you... I couldn't help it though. Everything about you is made for me, Lucy. I don't know if you are actually my mate, Luce, but I fucking need you. And that scares the hell out of me." I felt him shift on my bed and turn towards my form. "I can feel some of your hurt, Luce. It's fucking tearing me apart. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I don't know how you are even coping a little bit."